928  The "cabeceo"

Date: Wed, 8 Jan 2003 13:46:05 -0800
From: luda_r1 <luda_r1@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: The "cabeceo"

Pichi wrote:

"The cabeceo takes practice. It takes right timing
and
a sharp eye. One can
avoid an awkward situation by learning patience. Give

the man time walk
across the floor. He will make eye contact with you
to confirm his signal.
The cabeceo isn't fool-proof, but ladies, it's the
only way you can get to
dance with the best of Buenos Aires."

I've personally never liked this practice and hope it
never takes solid root in this country. It seems
childish and silly somehow. At least in this culture.
There are other, much more effective ways, of inviting
someone to dance. I suppose it can be fun to play this
game if you're so inclined, but most of the time I
hear women complaining that they find it demoralizing
and embarrassing. I usually arrange to meet people I
know to dance with at any event I choose to attend. If
I can't do that for some reason, I don't go. Sometimes
I'll go in order to catch a certain event or teacher,
but if I don't run into people I know to dance with, I
usually just go home. I really don't like dancing with
complete strangers. If a man doesn't want to take the
time to chat with me, however briefly, before starting
to dance, I usually don't dance with him. Also, some
men exude negative vibes, like I suppose some women
do, too. In such cases body language can be a dead
giveaway, so I simply follow my instincts and stay
away from them altogether. I can't be bothered having
to deal with an attitude when all I want to do is
concentrate on the dance.

Another question I had about Argentine customs is
about the way women dress. I see outfits at milongas
in this country sometimes that make a woman look like
a tart. You know, flashy clothes that shriek for
attention. Black lace stockings, slits up to the
armpits, too much makeup, see-through blouses, and in
general dress inappropriate for a woman of a "certain
age" and shape. Is this supposed to be "authentic" in
some way? Do women in BsAs dress this way? I thought
that tangueras and tangueros are supposed to dress
simply, understated, so as not to detract from the
dance and focus attention on some garish outfit?

Luda

Date: Wed, 8 Jan 2003 18:00:59 -0700
From: Huck Kennedy <huck@ENSMTP1.EAS.ASU.EDU>
Subject: Re: The "cabeceo"

Luda writes about the cabaceo:

> I've personally never liked this practice and hope it
> never takes solid root in this country. It seems
> childish and silly somehow. At least in this culture.
> There are other, much more effective ways, of inviting
> someone to dance. I suppose it can be fun to play this
> game if you're so inclined, but most of the time I
> hear women complaining that they find it demoralizing
> and embarrassing.

Ignoring the fact that the only thing you seem
to be concerned with is how you and other women feel
(as though it never even occurs or matters to you how
men might feel), just what is so demoralizing and
embarrassing about the cabaceo?

The whole idea of the cabaceo is to *avoid*
demoralization and embarrassment. It saves embarrassment
for the man who would otherwise have to walk over to
a woman and point-blank ask her to dance to her face
and get turned down in front of the entire milonga,
and it saves embarrassment for the woman who might
feel undue pressure to accept a dance she might not
want just to spare embarrassment to the man standing
before her.

If a man looks your way and you don't want to
dance with him, you just pretend you didn't even
notice and keep moving your glance elsewhere. What's
so demoralizing and embarrassing about that? It
saves both parties embarrassment.

I find the whole thing to be quite ingenious,
actually. And somewhat romantic. I wonder how it
slowly evolved?

And I also find it much better than the usual
practice of many men here in America at local milongas
where they know all the women and they just march up
and don't even say anything, but just stick their hand
out like they're calling their dog to go for a walk
or something.

> Another question I had about Argentine customs is
> about the way women dress. I see outfits at milongas
> in this country sometimes that make a woman look like
> a tart. You know, flashy clothes that shriek for
> attention. Black lace stockings, slits up to the
> armpits, too much makeup, see-through blouses, and in
> general dress inappropriate for a woman of a "certain
> age" and shape. Is this supposed to be "authentic" in
> some way? Do women in BsAs dress this way? I thought
> that tangueras and tangueros are supposed to dress
> simply, understated, so as not to detract from the
> dance and focus attention on some garish outfit?

Cool! Amish milonga!

Seriously, a milonga (and life in general)
functions on many levels. I'm not going to go
there, I'll leave that to someone else.

Huck

Sent: Wednesday, January 08, 2003 1:46 PM
Subject: [TANGO-L] The "cabeceo"

> Pichi wrote:
>
> "The cabeceo takes practice. It takes right timing
> and
> a sharp eye. One can
> avoid an awkward situation by learning patience. Give
>
> the man time walk
> across the floor. He will make eye contact with you
> to confirm his signal.
> The cabeceo isn't fool-proof, but ladies, it's the
> only way you can get to
> dance with the best of Buenos Aires."
>
> I've personally never liked this practice and hope it
> never takes solid root in this country. It seems
> childish and silly somehow. At least in this culture.
> There are other, much more effective ways, of inviting
> someone to dance. I suppose it can be fun to play this
> game if you're so inclined, but most of the time I
> hear women complaining that they find it demoralizing
> and embarrassing. I usually arrange to meet people I
> know to dance with at any event I choose to attend. If
> I can't do that for some reason, I don't go. Sometimes
> I'll go in order to catch a certain event or teacher,
> but if I don't run into people I know to dance with, I
> usually just go home. I really don't like dancing with
> complete strangers. If a man doesn't want to take the
> time to chat with me, however briefly, before starting
> to dance, I usually don't dance with him. Also, some
> men exude negative vibes, like I suppose some women
> do, too. In such cases body language can be a dead
> giveaway, so I simply follow my instincts and stay
> away from them altogether. I can't be bothered having
> to deal with an attitude when all I want to do is
> concentrate on the dance.
>
> Another question I had about Argentine customs is
> about the way women dress. I see outfits at milongas
> in this country sometimes that make a woman look like
> a tart. You know, flashy clothes that shriek for
> attention. Black lace stockings, slits up to the
> armpits, too much makeup, see-through blouses, and in
> general dress inappropriate for a woman of a "certain
> age" and shape. Is this supposed to be "authentic" in
> some way? Do women in BsAs dress this way? I thought
> that tangueras and tangueros are supposed to dress
> simply, understated, so as not to detract from the
> dance and focus attention on some garish outfit?
>
> Luda
>
>