829 scorched
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 2002 09:57:40 -0700
From: Marisa Holmes <mariholmes@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: scorched
I would like to ask the folks on this list who have
been dancing several years - especially the followers
- for advice about how to get out of the rut I'm in.
I've been dancing tango a couple of years, taking
classes the entire time. Like anybody, I've had ups
and downs with the dance. But right now I'm having a
down with it that is lasting waaaaaay too long. I go
to milongas and even if I dance with a fair number and
mix of guys, I don't have any fun. I go to class and
I'm hypersensitive about the critique I'm paying for.
The little voice inside my head says: "Wrong."
"Nope." "Screwed that one up." "Off balance." "Off
beat." "Missed it." "He finds me heavy." "Late."
"Missed it - again." And I can't hear the music for
the criticism.
I understand by asking people whose opinion on tango I
trust that my dancing is actually improving (although
one of them did tell me that I was doing fine for
someone who was clearly not a natural). But all I can
think of when I'm dancing is that I'm screwing up -
and that I am very unhappy. And, of course, being
unhappy does not make me a more desirable partner.
Meanwhile there are women in my class who are pretty
mediocre but who are happy as they can be. They feel
sexy; they feel successful; they just glow with
pleasure.
So - what can I do to change my attitude? I assume
that if I don't actually quit I'll gradually become a
better dancer, but what can I do right now to become a
happier one? I would appreciate any suggestions for
concrete actions - I know I need to change my outlook
but knowing that is not making a difference. Is there
anything you have done that has made you feel like
dancing is fun? Have you figured out a way to find
pleasure in tango at a time when you were overwhelmed
by technical concerns? What have you done that
introduced an element of play to your dancing?
Thank you.
Teetering,
Marisa
Y! Web Hosting - Let the expert host your web site
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 2002 18:22:20 +0100
From: Bruce Stephens <bruce@CENDERIS.DEMON.CO.UK>
Subject: Re: scorched
Marisa Holmes <mariholmes@YAHOO.COM> writes:
[...]
> So - what can I do to change my attitude? I assume that if I don't
> actually quit I'll gradually become a better dancer, but what can I
> do right now to become a happier one? I would appreciate any
> suggestions for concrete actions - I know I need to change my
> outlook but knowing that is not making a difference. Is there
> anything you have done that has made you feel like dancing is fun?
Try changing something---anything. Here's a few things that spring to
mind, but doubtless there are lots of others. I guess leaders have a
bit more scope in this: we can deliberately choose to simplify our
dance, or to add complexity to it, whereas there's less that followers
can do (although of course you can change the amount you decorate, and
can choose different people to dance with).
* Try leading (if you don't already).
* Try giving up tango for a few weeks/months
* Try just going to milongas, and cut out the classes and lessons
altogether for a while
* Try just going to classes (or private lessons) for a while
* Try changing which milongas you go to (presuming it's possible
where you live)
* Try different classes/teachers for a while
I guess there are weirder things you could try: stop dancing tango,
and just dance milongas or valses (or both).
[...]
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 2002 18:41:49 +0000
From: Daisy Gardiner <tawny_port@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: Re: scorched
Hi Marisa,
I think we all have our ups and downs with tango. I've never tired of
tango, but there are times I've felt very frustrated, like the times when
I've been trying to correct the same mistake for a year and catch myself
making it yet again.
I would agree with the person who said to stop taking classes for a while.
Classes are about doing it "right," rather than about having fun.
Experiment with turning down that little judging voice in your head and
turning up the volume of the music. Then, when you dance, go for
"connection" rather than steps. Even beginning dancers can make a beautiful
connection with their partners through intention, through being fully
present, and through love of the dance. And, you're not a beginner.
Perfection need not be about posture, balance and timing. It can also be
about the attention that each partner brings to the other: the smile, the
embrace, the sharing of the music, the things that are hard to describe but
that make tango different from other dances.
Dance with beginners. And, just as you don't judge those beginners, show
the same compassion toward yourself. Every day is a new beginning. Every
dance is a new beginning, an opportunity to develop that intense and
intimate 3-minute relationship that lives on.
And by all means remember to treat yourself as well as you treat the people
you love.
Daisy
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 2002 21:37:34 +0200
From: "Kohlhaas, Bernhard" <bernhard.kohlhaas@SAP.COM>
Subject: Re: scorched
Hello Marisa,
while I'm a leader, I might give some general advice that has
helped me:
- Scale down on classes or stop taking them completely
for a while. You can always start again, if you feel the urge
to take them. I stopped taking classes completely for 10 months
and just went dancing.
Perhaps even scale down on the number of milongas
you go to or take a complete break from tango for a while.
- Dance more with leaders, who look like they are having fun
dancing. Their steps might be much simpler, which will ease
your worry, about doing everything right, but most importantly
their attitude can be infectious and thus you'll have much
more fun yourself. Also if they are comfortable enough to laugh
about their own missteps, you'll be more at ease to accept
yours.
- Dancing milongas & valses is a great way to incorporate more fun
in your dancing.
- Do you have any preferences regarding tango music? Are there
pieces that you absolutely can't sit down, when they're played?
Dance more to those, and skip the ones you don't feel inspired by.
I find that there are certain orchestras that inspire me almost
all the time and others that only do in certain circumstances
(even those that are highly-acclaimed orchestras). So when a new
tanda (a set of tangos/valses/milonga) starts, I'll stop and
hear, if I like the music, before I venture out to look for a
partner to dance with. If I don't feel inspired by the music, I
just make myself unavailable for that tanda (to avoid giving
somebody the opportunity to ask me for a dance).
Hope that some of these ideas might help you,
Bernhard
Mountain View, CA
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 2002 20:31:45 GMT
From: michael <tangomaniac@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Re: scorched
Marisa:
You remind me of myself a few years ago. I felt I couldn't
do anything right. I remember a woman telling me she
enjoyed dancing milonga with me. I told her that
was impossible. I was so bad no one could enjoy dancing
milonga with me.
My attitude really changed (for the better) the day I
saw my teacher dance. He didn't shove everything he knew
into 3 minutes 22 seconds. I knew only 5% of what he
knew and I was trying to shove ALL of it into
3 minutes 22 seconds. Well, when I saw he wasn't
trying to do everything he knew, I realized I
didn't have to do everything I knew. I also realized
that I didn't have to be the best dancer at the
milonga to dance. (I was on a fool's errand thinking
I had to be the best.)
Are you competing with yourself or other followers?
Do you feel you have to be the best or no one will
dance with you? It takes many months to
dance tango -- POORLY!! It sounds like you're trying
to advance faster than humanly possible. Learning to
dance tango is like watching a plant grow. It takes
time and takes longer than we wish.
When a woman apologizes for some error, I tell her
"I concentrate on what goes right NOT what goes wrong.
I refuse to let a 3 second mistake ruin a
3 minute 22 second dance." Are you letting a minor
mistake (which might not even be your fault)
ruin a dance? Concentrate on the half filled glass,
NOT the half empty glass. The glass of tango will
NEVER be full because there is always something
we don't know!!
Michael
Washington, DC
---------- Marisa Holmes <mariholmes@YAHOO.COM> writes:
But all I can think of when I'm dancing is that I'm screwing up -
and that I am very unhappy. So - what can I do to change my attitude?
I'd rather be dancing argentine tango
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 2002 13:59:26 -0700
From: Tom English <tom@TANGONOW.COM>
Subject: Adding life to your dance (scorched)
Here is something that works with open embrace:
The goal: Respond more quickly to the lead.
The result:
The quicker your response time the more the leader will
experiment. The more he experiments the more the two of
you end up smiling because of (1) doing something that
feels sweet, musical, new, showy, .... and (2) you will
both tend to laugh because something about the new move or
feel was off or wierd. The latter is great because these
aren't mistakes. They are miscommunications. Tango is all
about communicating. He'll probably just try it again.
Smiles go back and forth.
Things to consider about your technique:
If you think of yourself as dancing alone, you won't be
depending on your leader for balance. You will become more
balanced and become more agile. (In the end, for the most
part, you should be just following his chest, anyway.)
Your left hand:
- Make sure it isn't riding on his shoulder or arm. Even
if it is light, if it is on top, chance are, it is slowing
you down and he is trying less things.
- If you EVER feel your fingers, even slightly, digging
into the backside of his shoulder during a back ocho, then
stop doing that! It is because you are using him for
balance. It makes you too slow, too heavy, more difficult
to "finesse". Technically, it has to do with centrifugal
force. You are tending to fly out of the circle. So, you
use him, ever so slightly, to keep yourself in the circle.
Your feet:
- Be observant about which way your feet are pointing (same
goes for your knees, hips, ....) in the different points of
the turn, or any pivot for that matter. You might find
that you are pointing your feet in anticipation of the next
step. If you are anticipating, you won't be quick and
responsive. And, besides embellishments, make sure you
aren't reaching with your heel or knee. Stay collected in
the pivot until it is clear that you are supposed to leave
the pivot.
I am not saying to dance quickly. I am saying to pick a
couple of things and see if they aren't making you misjudge
his lead or use him as a crutch.
I tend to find that if I don't enable a follower to lean,
grab, hold, etc, then, within a dance or two, she becomes
more responsive and musical. I use that musicality to find
new sensations in the music and my follower's body. It
frees me to add smaller movements, sudden changes, just
play with the music and your responsiveness.
The smiles can become deafening!
Please, let me know if this works for you.
Tom
--
Tom English, Founder
TangoNow!
Boston's very own Argentine Tango
www.tangonow.com
tom@tangonow.com
617-783-5478
--
Tom English, Founder
TangoNow!
Boston's very own Argentine Tango
www.tangonow.com
tom@tangonow.com
617-783-5478
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 2002 17:21:13 -0400
From: Sergio <cachafaz@ADELPHIA.NET>
Subject: Scorched
As soon as a lady (follower) knows how to walk she can start having fun
dancing tango.
Later she needs to know three steps: open to the side, cross front and cross
back.
Later on she may learn how to do front and back ochos.
At this point she should be able to dance socially with any good leader.
It is the responsibility of the leader as he starts dancing with a new
partner to "get the feel" of her dancing ability.
He should never lead anything that she will not be able to follow with ease,
if she misses or misinterpret a mark then he should be ready to
"compensate", and immediately change the project he had in mind. This way he
continuously improvises.
The lady should leave his hands convinced that she knows how to dance,
expressing gratitude with a sweet smile for the great moment she just had.
There are certain bad habits that can turn a follower into a sort of
"challenge" to dance with.
The good instructors try to prevent or correct those common problems as soon
as they appear and before they become more or less permanent. Here I will
mention a few very common problems.
The lady is "too heavy to dance with" :
1- most likely she is doubtful of the steps the leader is marking and she
waits for him to place her where she is supposed to be.
2 - She is not "musical" and this causes her to be late with respect to the
beat. It could be that she ignores where the beat is.
3 - She does not keep her axis and leans on her partner.
Correction: The leader should mark only moves that she is familiar with.
She should be taught musicality.
she has to be taught to maintain her own weight throughout
the duration of the dance without leaning on her partner.
The lady has no frame. She keeps her arm very soft.
Correction: She should be taught with certain exercises how to keep a strong
and relaxed frame.
The lady has an awkward axis that makes dancing difficult and somewhat
painful.
Correction: she should be taught to keep her weight on every single step
maintaining a good axis.
Private lessons concentrating "only" in those elements could be of benefit.
Dance with a or some friends that are good leaders according to my
description above.
Avoid dancing with those that make you feel as a failure.
For the time being you have to accept your limitations and try to have a
good time with whatever you have.
I mean, you may want to make an expensive trip to Polynesia but you only
have 100 dollars, so have fun anyways: take frequent walks in the public
park instead. You know that this is a transitional period, things will
certainly improve.
Remember you go to a milonga to have a good time, "do it". You may go,
socialize, talk, see the dancers, enjoy the music and the atmosphere. Leave
without dancing even one tango, no big deal!. Many people in Buenos Aires
are considered "milongueros" but they never dance. They like going to the
milongas, they know everybody, they sit have a glass of wine, talk, listen
to the music and just enjoy being there.
Un abrazo, in any event try to have a good time.
Date: Sun, 27 Oct 2002 13:24:51 +0100
From: andy Ungureanu <Andy.Ungureanu@T-ONLINE.DE>
Subject: Re: scorched
Marisa Holmes schrieb:
> So - what can I do to change my attitude?
Dear Marisa,
You have received a lot of advices which are all correct, but I doubt
they solve your problem.
The best one came from Daisy:
"And by all means remember to treat yourself as well as you treat the people
you love."
I would add: treat yourself better than...
The main point is IMO, you think you have to be perfect. After all this
years of classes and practice you are sure much better than the average
dancers. But if you are an ambitious person, you will never be so good
as you think you should be. As you become more experienced, your
sensitivity develops, little problems a beginner would not even see
become more important and even big problems.
Another problem is, what you learn with one teacher is often wrong when
you work with another one so you may become more and more confused about
what is wright. There are some basics errors upon which all teachers
agree they are wrong, but beyond the level of two or three years there
is no generally accepted cannon of "perfect" technique, as in ballroom
dancing.
Not even the stage dancers beleive they are perfect. They work much
longer on technique than any hobby dancer could afford to do, and they
allways have something to improve.
So my advice, beleive the ones who tell you, you are doing fine! When
you enter the milonga forget everything about technique (you care about
technique in the next class or practica), listen to the music, to your
partner and dance for fun. If you dont have fun, wait for another music
or try another partner.
You asked for the opinion af followers, but I think this problems are
not gender specific and typical for 7-9 years of experience. One
advantage for the follower is, in 90% it is not her fault when something
goes wrong. Not having fun is one of the things which are surely wrong.
Among the remainig 10% is one fault to believe you are expected to
perform something in a perfect way.
Andy
Date: Sun, 27 Oct 2002 08:48:58 -0800
From: Tom English <tom@TANGONOW.COM>
Subject: Re: scorched
All,
I always disliked the routine of a psychologist falling
into the textbook ... yawn ... comments like, "Just feel
good about yourself". Now, that will change Marisa's
problem. I'm sure! She can keep seeing that same
psychologist for the next 50 years.
"How did you feel this week?" "Lets feel better next
week."
I contest that Marisa already knows that she should feel
better. But, people are writing in telling her to get onto
that psychologist's couch. Are there any teachers out
there with tango-specific help for this situation?
Now, here is an exerpt from Marisa's letter:
> The little voice inside my head says: "Wrong."
> "Nope." "Screwed that one up." "Off balance." "Off
> beat." "Missed it." "He finds me heavy." "Late."
> "Missed it - again."
Let's take those one by one and give what seems to be the
common concensus opinion about these:
"Wrong"
- Believe the teachers who say you are doing fine.
"Nope"
- Believe the teachers who say you are doing fine.
"Screwed that one up"
- Believe the teachers who say you are doing fine.
"Off balance"
- Believe the teachers who say you are doing fine.
"Off beat"
- Believe the teachers who say you are doing fine.
"Missed it"
- Believe the teachers who say you are doing fine.
"He finds me heavy."
- Believe the teachers who say you are doing fine.
"Late"
- Believe the teachers who say you are doing fine.
"Missed it - again"
- Believe the teachers who say you are doing fine.
Does anyone out there believe that this works?
Marisa? Are you doing fine?
I mean, yes, I've been to private lessons and asked a
teacher if something feels off and she will say that,
actually it feels fine. And, yes, that did boost my
confidence.
I just wanted to say that I wrote in earlier with a notion
that many of these statements have to do with Marisa's
reaction time. So, I gave some technical tips on being
more balanced, and "ready to go". In turn, her reaction
time should improve. With this improvement, the leader
might be thinking the following in place of where Marisa
was thinking something negative:
"Wrong"
- "Yes!"
"Nope"
- "Wow!"
"Screwed that one up"
- "I'm sure glad she saved that one to cover MY mistake"
"Off balance"
- "She's on balance so much that I can see how that one
was my mistake."
"Off beat"
- "God! I love it when we can react to each other so
quickly. It makes us so musical!"
"Missed it"
- "No, actually, that was one of those tricky little
things that I lead AND it felt great!"
"He finds me heavy."
- "She's so balanced, soft and light"
"Late"
- "Oops! I didn't turn my chest enough to make her come
around."
"Missed it - again"
- "Missed what again? I'm having so much fun!"
When I am dancing, and I have a dancer who is late, heavy,
wrong (or, was I wrong?), etc, I find ways, through body
motions, to get her left hand off my shoulder. I find ways
to lead her into positions where her feet WANT to come
together in the pivot, and more. The result? Within a
couple of songs, she is dancing more on her own weight.
THEN, in the next songs, because we are in sync, the real
dancing starts AND SO DON'T THE SMILES!
So, if any other teachers out there have any more technical
help for Marisa, I would love to read it.
As for the psychologists, they might say, "Go be around
happy people". Well, Marisa already IS around happy
people.
Come on! I know that some of you better dancers and
teachers out there come across someone in this situation
all the time and have a way of getting her to find the
right connection so that the two of you can smile and enjoy
the dance. ..... Any takers?
Tom
PS: I have added, below, my earlier response. If it
doesn't work for her, then maybe another response will.
But, whatever you do, Marisa, get off of that
psychologist's couch!
Here is something that works with open embrace:
The goal: Respond more quickly to the lead.
The result:
The quicker your response time the more the leader will
experiment. The more he experiments the more the two of
you end up smiling because of (1) doing something that
feels sweet, musical, new, showy, .... and (2) you will
both tend to laugh because something about the new move or
feel was off or wierd. The latter is great because these
aren't mistakes. They are miscommunications. Tango is all
about communicating. He'll probably just try it again.
Smiles go back and forth.
Things to consider about your technique:
If you think of yourself as dancing alone, you won't be
depending on your leader for balance. You will become more
balanced and become more agile. (In the end, for the most
part, you should be just following his chest, anyway.)
Your left hand:
- Make sure it isn't riding on his shoulder or arm. Even
if it is light, if it is on top, chance are, it is slowing
you down and he is trying less things.
- If you EVER feel your fingers, even slightly, digging
into the backside of his shoulder during a back ocho, then
stop doing that! It is because you are using him for
balance. It makes you too slow, too heavy, more difficult
to "finesse". Technically, it has to do with centrifugal
force. You are tending to fly out of the circle. So, you
use him, ever so slightly, to keep yourself in the circle.
Your feet:
- Be observant about which way your feet are pointing (same
goes for your knees, hips, ....) in the different points of
the turn, or any pivot for that matter. You might find
that you are pointing your feet in anticipation of the next
step. If you are anticipating, you won't be quick and
responsive. And, besides embellishments, make sure you
aren't reaching with your heel or knee. Stay collected in
the pivot until it is clear that you are supposed to leave
the pivot.
I am not saying to dance quickly. I am saying to pick a
couple of things and see if they aren't making you misjudge
his lead or use him as a crutch.
I tend to find that if I don't enable a follower to lean,
grab, hold, etc, then, within a dance or two, she becomes
more responsive and musical. I use that musicality to find
new sensations in the music and my follower's body. It
frees me to add smaller movements, sudden changes, just
play with the music and your responsiveness.
The smiles can become deafening!
Please, let me know if this works for you.
Tom
--
Tom English, Founder
TangoNow!
Boston's very own Argentine Tango
www.tangonow.com
tom@tangonow.com
617-783-5478
Date: Mon, 28 Oct 2002 11:05:17 -0700
From: Deb Sclar <deb@DANCEOFTHEHEART.COM>
Subject: Re: scorched
Dear Marisa,
It was very compelling to read your message a few days ago...I sympathize
deeply with your feelings of frustration and anxiety. You asked for
suggestions to help shift your attitude, so I am writing in with that
request in mind.
You have received some tremendous advice so far...I suspect bits and pieces
may prove very useful to you, but ultimately, you will find your own way, as
we all must. In case this helps you on your path to recapturing your joy for
the dance, I have discovered that maintaining my balance in tango
(technically AND emotionally - no small feat, let's face it!) requires equal
time devoted to learning and PRACTICING not only my technical lessons, but
my emotional ones. This includes hanging on to my sense of humor for DEAR
life (again, no small feat).
Attaining technical prowess is only ONE level of this dance (I, too, am a
recovering perfectionist). Through the experiences tango provides, both on
the floor and within the social milieu in which it exists (and therein
slumbers yet ANOTHER monster, eh?!), I continue to encounter my self in all
my "glory/gory-ness," with all my strengths and weaknesses exposed equally.
How I choose to interpret and assimilate those physical and emotional
"discoveries" determines whether or not I take pleasure in the dance on
multiple levels...kinda like life (sorry to state the obvious metaphor, but
there it is).
Your tenacious commitment to perfect your technique is a fantastic thing you
have inside you. I hope you continue and I hope you can reject the
limitations about your abilities as decreed by others...or even yourself.
The tango is a great and terrible gift...so admit that you have quite simply
entered a SERIOUS relationship with an art form wherein the possibilities
for self-expression are profound...but such a gift requires work and
discipline...therefore, it will challenge and test, bring pleasure and pain,
bring out your best and worst and everything else in between...why else do
we love it so? The tango is a demanding, often playful, always gorgeous,
sophisticated, primitive, deceitful, sensual, SMART, multifaceted, brutally
honest mistress, even when she is absolutely uncompromising and takes NO
prisoners whatsoever. How remarkable and lovely for us that we are required
to merge with fellow dancers to receive this gift; the pleasure and richness
of connection with another human being...and at its' VERY best, that rarest
of creatures, the joy of creating a totally unique, collaborative work of
art.
Hoping this helps and wishing you many years of rich and wonderful tangos to
come,
Deb
www.danceoftheheart.com
Date: Tue, 29 Oct 2002 03:34:23 -0500
From: Nicole Dowell <bailadora2000@EXCITE.COM>
Subject: Re: Scorched
More advice for Marisa and anyone else desiring some,Actually, I'm going to give away some teachings from my coach (I dance competively in DanceSport also):
1. Stop Thinking.
If you are the average modern day woman, strong-minded and independent, you probably are somewhat stubborn to allow yourself to lose control. When two people are dancing together one has to lead and one has to follow. The follower cannot think. I know this isn't easy...but you have to rely on your instincts and feelings...thinking will slow down your reaction time.
2. The Womans Role: Mobility, Flexibility, Collecting and Selling.
Now, what does that mean? You know, if you've ever read one of those self-help books on how to have a successful relationship they always try to remind us that men and women are different and we have different roles in relationships. Well, dancing is the same. The man is in charge of LEADING. His role is: Direction, Timing/Rhythm, Power (giving you the sharpness or fluidity of movement), and Choreography (keeping the dance moving). So...now, back to our role, the woman's roles: 1. Mobility: Moving wherever the guy wants us to go. 2. Flexibility: Being able to accomplish the movement requested by our leader. 3. Collecting: Finishing the step before he leads us into the next. & 4. Selling: WE ARE THE SHOW, Sell the dance. There are only a couple of dances out there where the woman isn't the focus of the dance...so SELL IT, BABY.
3. Just listen to the music. First of all listen to tango as often as possible so you understand the music well, but also... the music is the most important thing in the dance, not the steps. I recently competed and I felt I had danced the worst ever because I was so nervous because we had learned all new choreography in a very short time and I didn't trust my partner. I realized the next day that I never listened to the music...I didn't remember any song that they played. I was thinking to much and couldn't relax and couldn't dance. Apparently we weren't as bad as I thought..because we placed very well...but I beat myself up because with each mistake I thought more and tensed up more. So... remember number one...don't think..just listen to the music.
4. Don't think of the technique outside of class. Technique is to be practiced (usually alone - without a partner) over and over to get your body to learn what your mind knows already. The ONLY time you should do this is when you are in class or practicing alone. Why? Because otherwise you are THINKING. (A big no-no) And: Practice one technical thing at a time. Concentrate on one problem at a time. Don't try and fix it all at once. If you feel your feet aren't closing good on your follow-throughs (like in ochos) - think ONLY of that for a week. If your posture is bad (which is the #1 problem when balance is an issue) - concentrate only on your posture for a week. Whatever your teacher corrects in that lesson - THINK ONLY of that when you are practicing - NOT at a milonga.
5. Film yourself dancing. You may be surprised. You may not look as bad as you feel. It will either boost your confidence in yourself, or help you identify clearer where your problems are.
6. Read the Tao of Tango to Johanna Siegmann. I swear by this book. I think you'll relate to it and find some good insight.
So.... back to number one. Stop Thinking. Relax. Breathe. Close your eyes. Listen to the music. Trust your partner. Relax. Breathe. Surrender to his embrace. Surrender to his movement. Trust your instincts. Relax. Breathe.
And good luck! Hey...this isn't an easy dance...but us women really have it easier than the guys. So... most likely..if you mess up...it was the guys fault anyway.
Just kidding, men!
Tango Dreams to all!
Nicole
Miami,FL
Date: Wed, 30 Oct 2002 22:01:36 -0500
From: Michael B Ditkoff <tangomaniac@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Re: Scorched
Nicole Dowell wrote to Marisa:
Stop Thinking.
"If you are the average modern day woman, strong-minded and >
independent, you probably are somewhat stubborn to allow yourself to >
lose control"
I used to think of "losing control" but my teacher told me it's not
losing control, but giving away control. He likes to use the expression
for women "You have to learn to take your hands off the driving wheel."
For men, control is usually a big issue. For a man to lose control is
like a man feeling he's no longer a man. Giving control is like giving
love and affection while dancing so that you can feel tango's warmth in
close embrace. (I'm not even going to discuss why people dance open
position.)
The Womans Role: Mobility, Flexibility, Collecting and Selling.
The > man is in charge of LEADING.
I don't see myself as being in charge. To quote my teacher "The man isn't
moving the lady. He's inviting her to step. The woman is responsible for
moving herself." Sometimes, leading is described with such force, it
sounds like wrestling.I love the Argentine expression:
4 legs
2 bodies
1 heart
Michael
Washington, DC
