Date: Sun, 9 Nov 2008 17:38:32 +0000
From: Sergio Vandekier <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: [Tango-L] I am blowing my nose
To: Tango-L List <email@example.com>
I find ridiculous that a woman has to use excuses of any kind to refuse to dance with a particular man at a particular moment.
Let me see if you can understand it once and for ever: For a tango to be a "tango" at a milonga it has to be wished by both partners.
The woman has to desire to dance with me and I must desire to dance with her. I cannot, I should not force her to have to dance with me because the result of that will be a frustrating "no tango", an aberration, a disappointment.
So when I am getting ready to dance, my main concern is to find a woman that really wishes to dance with me.
I does not matter where I am, women have an unequivocal way of letting me know whether they are anxious to dance with me or that they do not care to do it.
So sit or walk around and observe women's reactions to your presence ; if they look at you, smile, come to talk, pass in front of you several times, those are certain signs that she wants you to ask her to dance.
If you look at her and she looks away, or avoids eye contact, or when you walk by, she looks the other way, if you talk to her and she has a serious, indifferent attitude, this means that she does not wish to dance with you. My advice is walk away and do not bother her again.
Summary: The milonga has its codes that must be respected. I do not find humorous that a woman is forced to use clumsy excuses to avoid dancing with me. I would not want that dance for anything in the world anyways.
The same applies to ladies, you should not force any man to dance with you.
Practicas and lessons have different codes.
May you dance only with those that you wish to dance with. Going to a milonga is not a charity ball, it is a place where you go to have fun.
If nobody wishes to dance with you that may mean several things with respect to your dancing skills or physical appearance.
You may still enjoy attending the milonga to listen to the music,have a drink, dinner, socialize, etc. or perhaps you should go and take line dance lessons. In line dancing you dance by yourself in the company of others.
May you dance with those that you are interested in dancing with.
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Date: Sun, 09 Nov 2008 22:48:42 +0000
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] I am blowing my nose
To: Sergio Vandekier <firstname.lastname@example.org>, Tango-L List
Thanks for the perspective Sergio. A woman friend of mine (and tango dancer) once said "why would you want to dance with someone who doesn't want to dance with you?" Why indeed? If it's not good for one person, then it's not good for both. Concentrate on those who say yes. I still find that rejections are far fewer than acceptances. Sergio is right, with a little practice you can tell by body language whether or not a person is interested. If her arms are crossed and she is looking away, not meeting your eyes, well, chances are she does not want to dance with you. If she is facing someone else in conversation, chances are she will not say yes either. If she is facing the dance floor and actively looking around, she's probably receptive to dancing. People always have their own reasons for whatever behaviour they exhibit. I sometimes wish there was more openness on the part of dancers to dancing with someone new, but that's life, and everyone has the right to choose to say yes
for whatever their personal reasons are. Some of the reasons for a no may include differing level, attitude (your personality), personal hygiene (lack of), poor dance connection, lack of caring for the womans safety (if you're a bad navigator), lack of musicality, lack of ability to dance in time to the music, simply being tired or having painful feet, or not liking the music, among others. Changing to the positive, for women, I have a guess that it is all about how you make her feel from the experience of dancing, and there are a variety of factors that go into it, but generally you could take the opposite of all the above factors... ie, if you are confident, have good musicality, step with the beat well, feel good in an embrace, have good personal hygiene, are likeable, will protect her on the floor (navigate well) have a good connection, if she observes that other women enjoy dancing with you (or is told so by another woman) she may want to dance with you. Appearance alwa
ms to be a factor too. If you look dashing, you may get more dances. Such is life. but there is always someone to dance with, if you wish, and usually someone whom you will wish to dance with yourself. Life is a 2 way street.
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