565  Refusing (an invitation) to dance

Date: Fri, 24 May 2002 16:39:55 EDT
From: Arthur Greenberg <AHGberg@AOL.COM>
Subject: Refusing (an invitation) to dance

Hi Listeros:

Although it is a free country one is never protected fully from the insult
caused by a slight that amounts to a "rejection".

Dancing is a very personal endeavor. Thoughtless slights can cause
significant grief because of the very sensitive situation someone is put into
when they realize that horrible fact that a person they are inviting to
spend a few minutes out on the dance floor,is declining their invitation to
dance.

Although it would seem that when a person attends a public dance it can/might
be assumed that they came "to dance"! And everyone is resolved to dance with
everyone else in attendance. Oh! If it were only that simple! In a social
situation, the worst thing in the world is to discover that your invitation
to dance is being considered as an inflicted, uninvited, imposition in the
eyes of the invitee. Wow! It is absolutely devastating and often leaves
psychological bruises.

"Sorry but my feet are tired and I am giving them a rest this dance!"
"Get lost! You creep!"
"You are obnoxious and repulsive and I do not have the slightest urge to
dance with you!"
" The last time I danced with you it took me a week to recover from the
effort it took to drag you around the dance floor! Not this time, Sister!"
Even if you simply say, "No thanks" or "perhaps a little later" there is no
real satisfactory way to "decline an invitation to dance"! ......but I really
do not believe that you should "insensitively just shoot someoone down in
flames"! It is just not necessary!

Although it does not work always as well as it should, I sincerely believe
that catching the eye of a person in a distant glance and having them smile
acquiesing your intent to invite them to dance is still the best way I know
of "in an environment that this protocol" is operative.

I have had many a laughs about a lady who returned from Argentina who
complained that the men never asked her to dance....they just sat there and
stared at her. Oh Boy!

I have had someone tell me with brutal frankness that they had paid many
thousands of dollars for lessons to acquire their dancing skills and they
were not going to waste their good efforts on dancing with a "klunker" (like
me). This was from one of the most beautiful and skilled female dancers I
have ever encountered. It took me a lot of thought before I got up the nerve
to ask this lady to dance with me. She was"extremely selective" and let me
know very quickly..... Wow! Was I crushed! To this day I am not good enough
for this "gracious lady" to dance with! Oh! Well! Some things in life are
just not meant to be!

So far my sucess score of getting "yesses" is running about 998 out of each
1000 invitations. When I really analyse this problem I am not in need of a
perfect score to be content.

One thing I would advise the men and the women who invite is not to ask
"Why?" when you get a decline. You might not be able to handle the answer!

Sincerely,
Arturo