940  The Cabeceo/Asking someone to dance.

Date: Fri, 10 Jan 2003 17:03:40 -0800
From: "St. Thomas, Carlene" <CarleneStThomas@DWT.COM>
Subject: Re: The Cabeceo/Asking someone to dance.

I've seen many teachers in workshops and classes teach the cabeceo. Sure,
great if you're going to B.A. ("when in Rome...."), but realistically many
tango dancers won't see B.A. because of time/money reasons (or have no
desire to go as long as the B.A. teachers keep coming to us). I've heard
many of the students say that they see this as a silly, icebreaker game -
not to be taken seriously. Many beginners find it awkward.

I personally have a definite love/hate relationship with the cabeceo.

Hate:

This has happened to me several times: A lead walks up to the area where
I'm sitting, makes eye contact with me and snaps his head towards the dance
floor (god, that looked like it hurt!). I'm thinking two things at once,
"Hey, he's asking you to dance." and "Huh? What the hell is wrong with
him?" I am not excited that this experienced lead has asked me to dance,
but rather, I feel slightly insulted. My read on this head/neck snapping
gesture is "Hey, get out here, NOW!" It smacks of disrespect.

I understand the cabeceo as more of a slower head movement, like a nod
rather than a head snap. Am I wrong, List?

Love:

Times that the cabeceo has worked to my advantage is when I DID NOT want to
dance with someone in particular. I saw this lead (who, when he's not
staring at his follows as if putting them "under his spell", is watching
their chests) coming towards me out of the corner of my eye. I turned my
head, made eye contact with him, slowly and discretely shook my head "no",
and then looked away - subtle, but worked like a charm. Saved both of us an
awkward moment.

I've used the cabeceo in asking someone I know across the room to dance. I
make eye contact with him, smile a gentle "hello" and slowly tilt my head
towards the dance floor (sometimes with the addition of gently raised
eyebrows). I'm sure a woman asking a man in this way is not appropriate in
B.A., but elsewhere okay. (Yes? No? List?)

Cabeceo aside, what always works for me is a lead who MAKES HIS WAY to me
(across the room or through the tables or both), slowly extends his hand,
and asks me to dance. Be still my heart....there's something yummy about a
lead making an effort in asking a woman to dance. I'm not saying this is
the ONLY way or the RIGHT way, just the way I find most pleasing.

*****

If you can't make the cabeceo attractive, inviting, even sexy; then don't do
it at all. I strongly feel that the cabeceo, like other tango moves, should
be perfected, alone, in front of the mirror. Then take it to the dance
floor.

Maybe we could look at the cabeceo like foreplay. It's the "warm up" for
better things to come. It's the prelude to the embrace and the rest of the
dance. It really is part of the total tango package. What do YOU think
Dear List?

Carlene
Portland, Oregon


P.S. Here's a plug for our upcoming ValenTango. Come visit us for this
fantastic weekend of classes and dancing. You won't be disappointed with
this event. https://home.europa.com/~walsup/tango/#valentines. Come dance
with us!

I'll be watching for your cabeceo. ;)

Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2003 21:19:50 -0500
From: Michael B Ditkoff <tangomaniac@JUNO.COM>
Subject: The Cabeceo/Asking someone to dance.

I admit I once thought that the Cabeceo was the DUMBEST way to ask a
woman
for a dance, until Daniel Trenner explained it at Tango Locura in
Montreal in 1999.
His eyes were so expressive in his illustration he could have gotten me
to dance with him!!

The cabeceo reminds me of flirting. Last year(?) there were numerous
messages
about piropos(?) [I know I misspelled the word], short flirtatious
phrases.

Whatever you feel inside yourself comes to the surface when you dance
tango.
Whatever mask you try to show to the public comes off when you dance
tango.
I think this is why some people dance close embrace (my favorite) and
some don't.
Some are comfortable being close to their partner and some aren't. Some
might be
uncomfortable using this method of asking for a dance because they have
difficulty
in opening up to others.

I use this method when I dance ballroom. The results are somewhat
different.

"Do you have something wrong with your neck?"
"You need to see a chiropractor."

Michael
Washington, DC
Looking forward to my long weekend in NY dancing tango