1360  Dance manners ...

Date: Thu, 5 Jun 2003 02:02:57 -0700
From: Gary Fay <gtf_ctim@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Dance manners ...

There were several good comments in this chain. One of
the things I said there are "social conventions". One
of the ones I was taught was "if you decline a dance
it is an insult." The guy you insult has to walk back
alone, everyone sees it and if he did have to work up
the courage and he does not know anyone else there he
very well may not dance that night at all. How would
you feel if it was you? Again it is a social
convention, recently someone told me that it was rude
to only dance 1 of the set of 4, a social convention.
Well, I apologized and from that point forward I did
not bail out after the first dance, it was not
intended as an insult but rather a social convention
and when I do Tango I try to honor that tradition.

When it get down to it, I do find it difficult to
approach for a dance. It is difficult for me to learn
a dance and to work up the courage to approach a
stranger, especially with a dance like Tango.

We are all out to dance, when I go out I want to dance
and when I see someone sitting and not dancing, I try
to keep an out out and include them. If they are
truely rude, then I don't want to ask again and won't,
it amazes me that they are surprised when the requests
stop, then they start to complain that they are not
dancing, well IMHO they asked for it. My peeve is if
you are sitting and declining dances then complaining
you are not dancing. Well???? Could that individual do
something different to prevent sitting on the
sidelines?

In biology and growth curves there is a rapid rise
(growth), a platau, steady state, no growth or
decline, then decline and death of the organisms.
Social dance groups are the same, is the group
growing, stagnant, or on the decline. If a community
stops growing, eventually the exits surpass the
entrance and the community declines. Hopefully we are
adding to the community and bringing in new dancers
AND building up the weaker dancers. If we tear them
down then they won't return. (The decline phase of the
growth curve.) If we are building them up then there
will be dancers, leaders and followers, if not ...

As for the astute gentleman said, he is married and
his wife wants to dance with him, yes 1/3 to 1/2 of
the dances probably should be within a couple. When I
bring someone to a dance I try to dance with them and
I try to leave it open for others to approach. The
best way to learn is to dance with a better dancer,
obviously the better dancer will need to stay with a
good dancer to maintain the skill level but there is a
community to grow if you want it to be there.

>If a lady lies to you about her foot pain and she
>really does not want to dance with you after the
>first dance, then it is better that you know that
>right away and move on to dancing with the partners
>who WANT to dance with you. At that point, you have
>no business to even wish to continue with her because

>your reative energy can be placed much better with
>another partner who will enjoy dancing with you.