2424  dancing up and down the skill scale - was Rejection

Date: Fri, 30 Apr 2004 12:44:27 -0700
From: Marisa Holmes <mariholmes@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Re: dancing up and down the skill scale - was Rejection

--- Sergio Vandekier <sergiovandekier990@HOTMAIL.COM>
wrote:

> Men should preferably dance with women of their same
> dancing skills. Women
> on the other hand may accept to dance with more
> skilled leaders as it is
> very important to learn by following a good leader.

I hate to disagree with this one point of Sergio's, as
I was otherwise in perfect agreement with him about
taking the acceptance and rejection of invitations to
dance calmly and pleasantly, peacefully finding a
partner you want to dance with who wants to dance with
you. But I don't think it's really either wise or
necessary for leaders (you will excuse my broadening
the term) to dance only with followers of equal or
lesser skill levels. Both parts improve most rapidly
with better partners. You have heard my rant about
how it is suboptimal for beginners to dance with each
other, but I think it's also true as you progress.
The more precise and consistent a response the leader
gets to each lead, the faster they learn to lead what
they mean. I am sure I'm not the only leader to have
found that the hamhanded way I was obliged to lead in
class to get a response from an inexperienced follower
translated on the floor with a more experienced
follower into astonishing movements I had never seen
before.

For social reasons, I think you should dance with
people you like personally, with the people in your
classes, with folks less experienced than yourself
(without teaching on the floor!), and with visitors.
And this goes for followers as well as leaders. But
for learning and technical improvement, you should
dance with the most experienced dancers who will
invite you or accept your invitation.

My own policy as a leader is to ask experienced
followers to dance. This is somewhat easier for me to
some extent, of course, because many of them are women
who have been in the same classes I have been in as a
follower. But, if they accept my invitation I give
them the best dances I can. And then I give them a
break of a couple of weeks before I ask again, so they
don't feel like they always have to dance with the
same incompetent. I have never seen a shortage of
followers better than me. I find for the women I
dance with (and my own experience as a follower is)
that the less competent leader is more acceptable on
an "extended" schedule which does not use up all of
one's tolerance for charity dances every week. Spread
the wealth. And you'll be surprised how often you
hear from someone who has had a month's vacation from
you that your dancing has improved!

Marisa