2427  Bad manners

Date: Sun, 2 May 2004 22:43:39 -0500
From: donnay@DONNAY.NET
Subject: Bad manners

If there are any anthropologists on this list (or behavioral experts)
they're probably getting quite a chuckle.

Dance brings together so many different people, and we seem to create our
own little society. The rules are different here. For instance, I brought a
friend to a dance venue (not tango) because she wanted to get out again and
meet people. She saw me having so much fun she wanted to join in. So, I
brought her along.

Halfway through the dance she complained that her feet hurt and she went
home. The next day I got this: "Aside from my shoes bothering me, in all
honesty, I felt out of place. Underdressed for one and sitting alone at that
table most of the time made me very uncomfortable. I really thought that I
was going to hang out with you. Thinking that I was your guest, I thought
that we would spent more time together at the party but, for some reason,
you gave the feeling that you didn't feel the same."

She's right, in a way. Every time someone came to ask me to dance I was
gone. Was this rude? Not in the dance world. I'm there to dance. Socializing
is a close second. I introduced her to a lot of people, and she danced some,
but didn't know the tricks to looking available that followers tend to
learn. If I would have turned down dances, I would have angered the dance
community.

Occasionally I try to bring a new guy, or a date, to a dance. Same thing
happens. (May explain why I'm still single.)

Lois Donnay
Minneapolis,

Date: Mon, 3 May 2004 08:52:02 +0100
From: Hector <hector.ariza@NTLWORLD.COM>
Subject: Re: Bad manners

Lois

As I see it, your 'friend's' complaints don't make any sense. You go to a
milonga to dance, first and foremost. What she should do is complaining less
to someone who showed some kindness to her and instead take positive action,
i.e., enroll in dancing lessons (tango, I presume) if she liked the dance.
That would get her started.

Reading in between the lines, it seems to me that she felt jealous of you
because you were having a better time than her, and then she 'got even' by
trying to make you feel guilty about it. That's so manipulative! I would've
shown this 'friend' the red card at once.

I think that, to avoid this from happening again, a good idea is to pre-empt
it by saying before the event that you intend to dance the night away, or
most of it anyway, so the expectations are clear.

H.

Date: Mon, 3 May 2004 09:45:41 -0400
From: white95r <white95r@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: Re: Bad manners

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Date: Mon, 3 May 2004 17:38:13 -0700
From: david stevens <dmfstevenstango@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Re: Bad manners

Of course I am a European (though now I live in the
USA),so maybe I view this differently. If one takes a
person with one to any form of event,one should expect
to act as their host/ess/partner,and spend a certain
amount of time devoting oneself the THEIR pleasure,
EVEN IF they can not FULLY participate in the event.
Your behaviour towards your "companion" (I say
this,because one would NEVER treat a "friend" like
that)was selfish,thoughtless,insensitive and
humiliating to her,which is precisely why she left
early.
NEXT time,maybe you can think about YOUR pleasure a
little less!
Life is a "learning" experience.Some of us are good
"students",some of us are not!
David Stevens.

Date: Mon, 3 May 2004 21:35:02 -0500
From: donnay@DONNAY.NET
Subject: Re: Bad manners

Ouch! Well, in my defense may I say that:
1. This was my event - I was the hostess, so I had lots of people to keep
happy and lots of stuff to do.
2. She is a dancer, but not from this city. She DID dance, and I introduced
her to a lot of people when I could.
3. She chose to sit by herself, rather than sitting with me at the gate
table, where I was collecting admission.
4. I wasn't the one who asked her to come - she asked me if she could come
with me.

Yes, I feel bad that she didn't enjoy herself, but how much babysitting must
a person do? I got this from another friend who came, a non-dancer: "I felt
so honored to be invited to share a moment of your life. Wow what fun. A
great bunch of folks and they really actually danced!"

I hope that this helps to vindicate me a little.

Lois
Minneapolis,

> Of course I am a European (though now I live in the
> USA),so maybe I view this differently. If one takes a
> person with one to any form of event,one should expect
> to act as their host/ess/partner,and spend a certain
> amount of time devoting oneself the THEIR pleasure,
> EVEN IF they can not FULLY participate in the event.
> Your behaviour towards your "companion" (I say
> this,because one would NEVER treat a "friend" like
> that)was selfish,thoughtless,insensitive and
> humiliating to her,which is precisely why she left
> early.
> NEXT time,maybe you can think about YOUR pleasure a
> little less!
> Life is a "learning" experience.Some of us are good
> "students",some of us are not! David Stevens.

Date: Tue, 4 May 2004 08:30:31 -0400
From: white95r <white95r@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: Re: Bad manners

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