946 The cabeceo and "milonga moments"
Date: Mon, 13 Jan 2003 07:08:11 -0700
From: Brian Dunn <Brian@DANCEOFTHEHEART.COM>
Subject: The cabeceo and "milonga moments"
Hello List,
There's been lots of discussion about the eye-game called the cabeceo:
technique, variations, problems, advantages, experiences pro and con. I
could add my own two cents on each of these (the one I can't resist, under
"Advantages": two men are converging on a local tanguera to ask for a
dance - at ten or fifteen feet distance from her, both are closer to her
than me. Since I'd like to dance with her also, I catch her eye and raise
an eyebrow from twenty feet away, and receive a nod of acceptance before any
of the approaching men are close enough for their own version of asking.
Ahh, life's little victories...;)..) But I admit to being surprised at the
disfavor and even hostility the cabeceo invokes for some, based perhaps on a
bad experience or perhaps on a disinclination to break through our own
cultural taboos.
Let's remember what the cabeceo is for: it's a way of quickly and easily
inviting a potential partner for a dance, AND for that partner EITHER to
accept or decline, with a minimum of embarassment and social risk for all
concerned. The Argentines didn't fall into this method by accident - this
EVOLVED to solve a social problem, and was thus better suited than other
approaches, in their experience. If you've talked to people who have grown
accustomed to this method, naturally there are "cabeceo stories" about both
humorous and ingenious uses as well as awkward and uncomfortable moments of
mistaken intent, etc. (My partner and I refer to these occasions as
"milonga moments", which often provide much grist for conversation in the
car on the way home.) Most of us regret such misunderstandings if anyone
ends up feeling needlessly uncomfortable. But this doesn't change the
historical fact that, in an emotionally charged social setting where
effectiveness and clarity of intent were VITALLY IMPORTANT (namely, the hunt
for a dance partner/date/mate in the Golden Age of tango) this is what a
million or so active dancers settled on over the course of decades as a way
of handling this how-to-get-a-partner problem. This is worth something!
Until someone else can point out another method that has been similarly
refined by so many people in such high-pressure settings over a similarly
long period of time, maybe we can at least agree that the cabeceo is a
worthy point of departure to solve this problem. It's not perfect, but if
we can maintain the attitude of courtesy that gave rise to it while we
create variations on it, we can still benefit a lot from its legacy.
I'd be interested in hearing from others about their own infamously
memorable "milonga moments" - I've got a bunch, for sure...
All the best,
Brian Dunn
Dance of the Heart
Boulder, Colorado USA
1(303)938-0716
https://www.danceoftheheart.com
