2717  Finding fault with your partner?

Date: Mon, 30 Aug 2004 17:01:41 -0500
From: Lois Donnay <donnay@DONNAY.NET>
Subject: Finding fault with your partner?

I saw this gentleman recently, and we talked about how his dancing. I
mentioned as nicely as I could that his dancing was not as good as it used
to be. He doesn't seem to be as connected to his partners as he once was. He
emailed this to me today:

Sometimes I don't listen very well. Sometimes I take myself, and my partner,
for granted. People have called my dancing a roller coaster ride, very
musical, aerobic, freestyle - - - yet it seems, at times, I choose not to be
present to my partner. To instead dance with my reputation or with
unfinished business I have brought with.

I was out dancing with a close, yet connected, friend on Friday at ** . I
noticed how she was distracted about not being with ** . We talked about
that some - - - and now it comes back to me that sometimes, more often than
I would care to admit lately, that I seem to choose to dance with my ego, or
reputation, and not with my partner. That I am more distracted on the dance
floor than I wish. There is such a richness when I can truly connect with
the music - - - and my partner.

Tonight, at the ** , I was reminded of that again with every partner - - -
and that is so sweet. I meet myself, over and over again, when I go dancing
- - - if I am open to it .

This is a good reminder for all of us. We should never be such a good dancer
that we are only dancing with ourselves and our own reputations.

This brings up another experience. I mentioned to a leader that I had heard
that the dance with another student of mine hadn't gone well. He started in
with "well, she doesn't follow, she doesn't collect, she doesn't know how to
.." I interrupted him at this point and said "Gee, I dance with her just
fine..." That brought him up short and he didn't say anything else.

Later, I saw them dancing. I asked the woman how it went and she said "It
was great! He's really improved!"

Lesson: The only person you can fix is yourself. If the dance isn't going
well, look at yourself first. (This is really hard for teachers). Leaders -
give each woman the best dance you can. That is the mark of a good dancer.