1349  The rituals in tango

Date: Tue, 3 Jun 2003 22:48:18 -0700
From: Sergio <Cachafaz@ADELPHIA.NET>
Subject: The rituals in tango

Prior generations discovered that certain behavior caused certain problems and created rituals to forbid the behavior that could cause =
such terrible consequences.
Rituals are passed from generation to generation. They are no written rules, but those who do not follow them will feel like an alien among =
his peers, he may be destroyed by the same problems that affected his ancestors initially.

In times of my grand parents, at the milongas in Buenos Aires it was customary to ask a dance by walking to the table where the lady was =
sitting.
This was done only after the eyes of both the man and the woman had established prior contact. That eye contact said to the man "if you come =
and ask me to dance I will dance with you". This was very important because if ....

...If a man walked to the table of the lady and she refused to dance, this effected several consequences: The man had to leave the milonga,
the lady had to seat for the whole tanda, it would be inadmissible that after rejecting an invitation she could accept another; the man rejected =
and none of his friends would ever ask that lady to dance again.

This rejection occurred very seldom because to enjoy dancing tango you as a man have to be certain that that particular lady is really anxious =
to dance with you. If you make her dance against her will, the tango will have no meaning.
It will be like kissing a woman that you do not love. Like sitting under a sun that is cold. Looking at a cloudy sky. A worthless experience.

For a tango to have meaning it has to be desired by both the woman and the man.

To avoid the problems above mentioned the ritual of "el cabeceo" was created, actually it developed by itself as a consequence of the =
original 'eye contact consultation'.

The man places himself in the visual area of the lady, in front but somewhat to one side or the other to allow her the choice of staring at =
him or not. This is very important because he wants to be certain that she wants to dance with him. She scans the room with her beautiful black =
eyes and meets his eyes, she continues scanning but ...then comes the important part, what he is waiting for:
she continues looking in another direction (this means "I am not interested in dancing with you") or she returns her eyes to meet his and =
stare for an instant (this means "I really would love to dance with you"). He nods (cabecea) she nods in response to seal the date.
They walk to meet each other at the dancing floor, they stand in front of each other, smile, wait for a moment to feel the music and to allow =
the couple in front to start dancing. He gets closer, places his right hand around her waist allowing room for her to decide how close she =
wishes to dance, he then offers his left hand, she accepts it. He wants her to determine how close she wants to be, this is very important.
He leads with conviction and she follows him with absolute trust, she allows herself to be taken, to be transported, she is not afraid to =
surrender and express her deepest sentiments because she knows that she is protected by the rituals of the milonga.
She can do all that without any further consequence because she knows that the real world and the world of the milonga are totally separated.
The rituals that take place here are courtship : represented by staring , nodding, then comes the union or communion : the embrace, then the =
separation, the music stops, the magic ends, he keeps her in his arms for an instant more and then takes her back to her table, but stops =
about three feet before her table to fulfill the last ritual of not invading her space. A love story in one tango. Birth, life and death.

Date: Wed, 11 Jun 2003 15:50:09 -0500
From: Lois Donnay <donnay@DONNAY.NET>
Subject: FW: The rituals in tango

I was forwarded this by a student:
"I wish more people (read MEN) would honor the rituals. I was at a
milonga about two weeks ago, standing by the dance floor, chatting with
a friend. All of a sudden, I felt a long, slimy arm around my waist and
got pulled into this guy I had never seen before. He said "would you
like to dance?" I asked him if I knew him, hoping he would get the hint
and get his arms off of me. He said no, but would I like to dance. I
gave him a stern NO and pulled myself out of his arm. You could tell he
was shocked by my response. He said that no one had ever said no
before,like that was supposed to make me re-think my answer, to which I
responded "and no one has grabbed me like that before." He left, with
his tail tucked between his two sorry -and somewhat drunk- legs and I
returned to my conversation - ticked off and frustrated. Now I run into
him all the time and it is awkward as heck but I am not sorry I turned
him down. I was so upset actually to be treated like a "cheap woman"
that I thought seriously about quitting tango."

Date: Wed, 11 Jun 2003 14:49:04 -0700
From: Rick FromPortland <pruneshrub04@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Re: The rituals in tango

If this has been reashed to pieces on this list, please forgive me... I've heard from word of mouth/anectdotally, that dancing 2 dances with someone means something: neutral experience? or ok & fine? 1 dance means: not so good? more than 2 is thumbs up??
Rick

Date: Fri, 13 Jun 2003 21:23:49 -0700
From: Ricardo Tanturi <tanturi999@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Re: The rituals in tango

--- Rick FrFromPortlandprpruneshrub@YAHOO.COM> wrote:

> If this has been rereashedo pieces on this list,
> please forgive me... I'veveeard from word of
> mouth/ananectdotallythat dancing 2 dances with
> someone means something: neutral experience? or okok
> fine? 1 dance means: not so good? more than 2 is
> thumbs up??
> Rick

Hi Rick,

I'm not sure if anybody anansweredour question. I
think it's interesting and worth knowing about, so
I'll
throw in what I'veveeard and maybe some of the people
on the list who know a lot more than I do will correct
my mistakes or add to it.

It's not so much how many songs you dance, but..
in Argentina, and some places in the US, song are
played in "tatandas- sets of 3 or 4 songs of the
same type (tango, vavalsor mimilonga and with
something
else connecting them - same orchestra or period,
same feeling, or maybe a progression of feeling or
tempo - whatever makes artistic sense to the DJ.

When you start dancing with a partner, you stay with
that partner until the end of the tatandathen
everybody changes partners. I guess part of the idea
is that it takes 3 or 4 songs to establish a deep
connection with your partner and the music.
I don't think there is anything about
two songs being neutral - you stay with the partner
to the end of that tatandanless something has gone
really wrong.

On the other hand, if you want to try a new partner
you're not sure about, you can wait to ask her (or
him) to dance until a couple of songs into the tatanda
That way you only have to dance one or two songs until
the end of the tatandawhen you will change partners
without giving ofoffense

Between tatandasthe DJ will play a little
piece of music that is considered "not danceable".
That is the signal that the tatandas over and it is
time to change partners. No offense, but that
wowouldn
work with some if you who will apparently try to dance
tango to about anything.

Of course, besides the 3 kinds of tango dances there
will usually be a tatandar two of salsa or swing
(danced as salsa or swing, respectively). These have
a lighter mood and are consider a break from the
intensity of the tango dances.

"Ricardo"

Date: Fri, 13 Jun 2003 22:28:49 -0700
From: Ricardo Tanturi <tanturi999@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: CORRECTED ? Re: [TANGO-L] The rituals in tango

Hi,

I ran my last post thru Yahoo spell-check, and it
seems to have really botched it up, so I'll try
again:

--- Rick FromPortland <pruneshrub04@YAHOO.COM> wrote:

> If this has been reashed to pieces on this list,
> please forgive me... I've heard from word of
> mouth/anectdotally, that dancing 2 dances with
> someone means something: neutral experience? or ok &
> fine? 1 dance means: not so good? more than 2 is
> thumbs up??
> Rick
>

Hi Rick,

I'm not sure if anybody answered your question. I
think it's interesting and worth knowing about, so
I'll throw in what I've heard and maybe some of the
people on the list who know a lot more than I do will
correct my mistakes or add to it.

It's not so much how many songs you dance, but..
in Argentina, and some places in the US, song are
played in "tandas- sets of 3 or 4 songs of the
same type (tango, vals or milonga and with something
else connecting them - same orchestra or period,
same feeling, or maybe a progression of feeling or
tempo - whatever makes artistic sense to the DJ.

When you start dancing with a partner, you stay with
that partner until the end of the tanda and then
everybody changes partners. I guess part of the idea
is that it takes 3 or 4 songs to establish a deep
connection with your partner and the music.
I don't think there is anything about
two songs being neutral - you stay with the partner
to the end of that tanda unless something has gone
really wrong.

On the other hand, if you want to try a new partner
you're not sure about, you can wait to ask her (or
him) to dance until a couple of songs into the tanda
That way you only have to dance one or two songs until
the end of the tanda when you will change partners
without giving offense

Between tandas the DJ will play a little
piece of music that is considered "not danceable".
That is the signal that the tanda is over and it is
time to change partners. No offense, but that
wouldn't work with some if you who will apparently try
to dance tango to about anything.

Of course, besides the 3 kinds of tango dances there
will usually be a tanda two of salsa or swing
(danced as salsa or swing, respectively). These have
a lighter mood and are consider a break from the
intensity of the tango dances.

(Hope Yahoo doesn't hose up this one.)

"Ricardo"