33  Unmentionables

Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001 10:51:32 -0400
From: Robinne Gray <rlg2@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Unmentionables

For what it's worth, I have one observation to add to the thread about
erections while dancing. And that is that women can be maddeningly
inconsistent in their reactions. I say this as a woman who has been there
when women talk about among themselves. Specifically, if they [some women]
like the man in question or find him appealing (in some sense, not
necessarily physically), they will be flattered or at least not bothered by
his obvious excitement, but if another man who is deemed less attractive
finds himself in the same circumstance, he may be excoriated. In general,
I'd say that women are often much crueler and more hypocritical than men,
in this regard.

This is not a new phenomenon. It may apply to a man showing any kind of
interest in a woman, for example asking her out on a date. A particular
sort of woman may find identical behavior charming or at least forgivable
in one man (how nice that he asked me to dinner!), and offensive in another
who is deemed unworthy (how DARE he ask me to dinner!). My sense is that
men are well aware of this tendency, and it makes things riskier to not
know if one is among the favored, adds to any doubt or insecurity that may
already be present. All I can offer is some sympathy for mens' predicament.

By the way, I thought it took some courage for the original post-er to
bring up the topic, and support his candor in doing so. Not all of us feel
the topic is indecent or shameful or a target for sophomoric humor, or that
the fellow is bragging (grow up, for pete's sake). It's all about tone.

--Robinne
Ithaca, NY