2402  Why I like the milonguero style - but not a related style

Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2004 13:16:00 -0700
From: Marisa Holmes <mariholmes@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Re: Why I like the milonguero style - but not a related style

Okay, I ve got an embrace question for you:
I usually dance medium close both leading and
following with some contact between the front of me
and the front of my partner, but not strong pressure.
I open the embrace a little (leading or following) to
achieve actions where my hips or my follower s hips
come through between us or we need space for some
other reason (i.e., I am inclined to lead and perform
ochos with a hip twist, rather than the strongly
crossed ocho sans hip twist of the most closely
embraced styles). During some parts of any given
dance I am likely to have pretty firm pressure between
my chest and that of my partner, and then we move away
a little again. In short, I dance in the flexible way
that many people do in the communities I have been in,
perhaps with a little more distance than the average
(especially when leading other women, unless they
close the distance). I have taken a handful of
classes with practitioners of the apilado style and I
like it OK, although I do not usually choose to dance
it.

One of my regular followers has suddenly taken to a
style of dance where she achieves very firm contact
with you from shoulder to hip she is just glued to
your front. Although I appreciate her refusal to
discriminate against me on the basis of sex, I am not
interested in her as a sex partner, so this is not
instantly as much fun for me as it might be for some
of her other partners. In fact, it paralyzes me not
only can I not lead the cross, turns, crossfooted
anything, I cannot even walk forward. I give her a
chest lead to move, try to step forward, and whack our
pelvises together. I have led and followed what I
would call apilado, with a distinct lean, chests in
firm contact, hips more or less separated, and I can
dance like that. I can not dance (tango) with someone
else s chest, belly, and hips pressed against mine.
Two of the male leaders have told me that they also
find her to be dancing too closely pressed against
them for ease of movement.

Suggestions? ( Get over it is not a workable
solution here, and I would prefer not to give up a
partner who is a nice person and an asset to the
community.) I am at a loss. I have tried to lean
forward more. I have tried to press firmly enough
with my chest to pry her abdomen off me. (Is this any
way to feel about dance? it sounds like a scene from
Alien.) I have tried to lead a series of moves that I
hoped would dislodge her so I could walk outside. She
is both flexible and tenacious. I have told her that
I find it difficult to dance in such a close embrace,
but she is intent on practicing it. Am I going to
have to stop dancing with her?

Hoping I have not just become the poster child for
Americans who are afraid to touch,
Marisa

Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2004 22:15:23 +0000
From: Oleh Kovalchuke <oleh_k@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: Re: Why I like the milonguero style - but not a related style

Marisa Holmes wrote about style a bit too close for comfort:

>One of my regular followers has suddenly taken to a
>style of dance where she achieves very firm contact
>with you from shoulder to hip she is just glued to
>your front.

I wouldn't be comfortable _dancing_ this close and so I would suddenly stop
dancing her. If she asks, explain to her that you cannot lead her front
ochos for example if you are connected below your waist.

Cheers, Oleh K.

https://TangoSpring.com

>From: Marisa Holmes <mariholmes@YAHOO.COM>
>Reply-To: Marisa Holmes <mariholmes@YAHOO.COM>
>To: TANGO-L@MITVMA.MIT.EDU
>Subject: Re: [TANGO-L] Why I like the milonguero style - but not a related
>style
>Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2004 13:16:00 -0700
>
>Okay, I ve got an embrace question for you:
>I usually dance medium close both leading and
>following with some contact between the front of me
>and the front of my partner, but not strong pressure.
>I open the embrace a little (leading or following) to
>achieve actions where my hips or my follower s hips
>come through between us or we need space for some
>other reason (i.e., I am inclined to lead and perform
>ochos with a hip twist, rather than the strongly
>crossed ocho sans hip twist of the most closely
>embraced styles). During some parts of any given
>dance I am likely to have pretty firm pressure between
>my chest and that of my partner, and then we move away
>a little again. In short, I dance in the flexible way
>that many people do in the communities I have been in,
>perhaps with a little more distance than the average
>(especially when leading other women, unless they
>close the distance). I have taken a handful of
>classes with practitioners of the apilado style and I
>like it OK, although I do not usually choose to dance
>it.
>
>One of my regular followers has suddenly taken to a
>style of dance where she achieves very firm contact
>with you from shoulder to hip she is just glued to
>your front. Although I appreciate her refusal to
>discriminate against me on the basis of sex, I am not
>interested in her as a sex partner, so this is not
>instantly as much fun for me as it might be for some
>of her other partners. In fact, it paralyzes me not
>only can I not lead the cross, turns, crossfooted
>anything, I cannot even walk forward. I give her a
>chest lead to move, try to step forward, and whack our
>pelvises together. I have led and followed what I
>would call apilado, with a distinct lean, chests in
>firm contact, hips more or less separated, and I can
>dance like that. I can not dance (tango) with someone
>else s chest, belly, and hips pressed against mine.
>Two of the male leaders have told me that they also
>find her to be dancing too closely pressed against
>them for ease of movement.
>
>Suggestions? ( Get over it is not a workable
>solution here, and I would prefer not to give up a
>partner who is a nice person and an asset to the
>community.) I am at a loss. I have tried to lean
>forward more. I have tried to press firmly enough
>with my chest to pry her abdomen off me. (Is this any
>way to feel about dance? it sounds like a scene from
>Alien.) I have tried to lead a series of moves that I
>hoped would dislodge her so I could walk outside. She
>is both flexible and tenacious. I have told her that
>I find it difficult to dance in such a close embrace,
>but she is intent on practicing it. Am I going to
>have to stop dancing with her?
>
>Hoping I have not just become the poster child for
> Americans who are afraid to touch,
>Marisa
>
>
>
>
>

Premium!

Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2004 22:32:28 -0500
From: Lois Donnay <donnay@DONNAY.NET>
Subject: Re: Why I like the milonguero style - but not a related style

> One of my regular followers has suddenly taken to a
> style of dance where she achieves very firm contact
> with you from shoulder to hip she is just glued to
> your front.

I think what you've got here is an overachiever. She knows about this close
contact stuff, and so is eager to show that she can do it, and she's not
afraid or shy. Of course, too much contact is no good either - tango is all
about finding the "sweet spot". She'll get over it, but she needs to keep
dancing to feel the right tension. Do lots of walking.

Also, I hear about people interrupting the connection to do a "move" - lead
an ocho or something. I would instead advocate playing with the connection
to play along with the music. As the music sometimes builds tension and then
releases and resolves, so can the talented leader build the tension in the
embrace, and then release it. Sweet.