3649  Establishing Boundaries

Date: Tue, 26 Jul 2005 12:28:21 -0700
From: ramiro garcia <ramiro9@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Establishing Boundaries

An aspect of this subject came up one day during a class. I
vaguely recall the movement, which involved a certain amount of
invasion of the woman's space, in a "crossed system" step.

A woman brought up the possibility of feeling uncomfortable
doing the step if a partner other than her current one was
leading it.

The instructor said that "in Tango, we take things to the edge.
But there is a line, and we stop there. If you go over the line,
it is too much. If you feel uncomfortable, you can increase your
distance from your partner, and thank him when the song
finishes."

He then showed a couple of different ways to manage increasing
the distance.

I would like to give the instructor credit, but my memory is
rather vague, and I'm not sure I quoting him accurately. In any
case, I thought it was a nice point.

ramiro

--- Trini or Sean - PATangoS <patangos@YAHOO.COM> wrote:

> Excellent posts, Hyla. Your last one of what
> encouraged you to participate more fully in the dance
> reminded me of what causes me to NOT fully
> participate.
>
> ...
>
> 3. My partner shows too much personal interest.
>
> The last one is something that I have been discussing
> lately with some locals. How can one be expressive
> without eliciting undesired attention? Perhaps one
> cannot. I am fortunate to have dance partnerships in
> which we can both experience a full range of emotional
> expression. But I can see where others cannot get
> past the eroticism of tango or the eroticism is an end
> in itself. I think of it as a nice byproduct.
> Perhaps, as one of my partners has suggested, it is a
> matter of tango maturity.
>
> I have the magic words "my husband" that I use to draw
> boundaries, but I do not know how to advise my single
> female students on this. We try to lead by example
> and encourage everyone to feel the music and be
> expressive. By knowing what it feels like to be
> "safe" with us, it helps all of our students recognize
> the line between connecting for the dance and
> connecting for other things. They can then choose
> their partners wisely. That seems to be working and I
> am glad our students feel they can talk to us about
> this. For me, though, talking about it with them is a
> little like explaining the birds and the bees - not an
> entirely comfortable subject.
>
> Comments?
>
> Still an old-fashioned Southern gal from the Bible
> Belt,
> Trini de Pittsburgh