3660  on the floor or off the floor tango - it takes two

Date: Fri, 29 Jul 2005 14:51:05 -0400
From: bailadora2000@EXCITE.COM
Subject: Re: on the floor or off the floor tango - it takes two

Oh, I have to get in on this one.

A Coleman wrote:

"If you are single, and the guy is single, and the guy wants to take you on a date, and you like dancing with him, then if you do not want to go on a date with him you should examine why you don't want to date him. Either A) you are a shallow person or B) he is not the kind of guy you really want to dance with."

First of all, just from that comment...you would definately not be the type of guy I would want to date...because you assume already that it's all the WOMAN'S problem as to why she doesn't want to go out with some guy. Why is this guy so infallible and perfect that you feel there's no reason why a woman wouldn't want to date him? It's not the guy, it's us, right?

Second of all, there are a lot of other reasons why we may not want to go on a date with someone. You ever think that maybe the girl is emotionally not prepared for dating due to something else in her life, but she can find what she needs for that moment in a nice embrace on the dance floor? I've been in that place, where I'm not ready to be dating due to something else in my life (career, bad breakup, etc) but I'm not going to stop dancing. And I've danced many times with guys that I have a wonderful connection with on the floor, but just don't find them attractive to me off the floor. And it doesn't mean he has to be good looking...what's attractive to one is not necessarily what's attractive to another... it just means there's no physical, mental, emotional or sexual attraction. And if anyone tries to say that's not important in dating, well, I won't believe you. There's got to be some sort of attraction to even notice the person.


"Often people say "We have no chemistry", when they really meant "You are the uggliest person I have ever seen.", or "I don't date people as fat/short/pale/... as you" Yes, chemistry can be a real, "deep" reason to not date a person, but NO, you can't find out that kind of chemistry in a milonga. That kind of chemistry takes time to develop either way, and takes more talking thentypically happens at a dance. Like say, on a date."

That's not true. I've always known right away if I have chemistry with someone or not. Maybe I'm just more intuned to it than you, but if I don't feel the chemistry right away, I won't give the guy a chance. I might be his friend, but I'm not going to have any interest in him beyond that. And if he is more interested than I at that point, and pursues me to a way that becomes annoying...then that's going to eventually ruin any friendship possibilities. That's how I am. I'm not a shallow person, it's just that's what I need to feel. If someone asks me what do I look for in a guy, I'm not going to name off physical attributes, or how much money he makes, our commonalities or his hobbies...etc, I'm going to say.... "our connection, or we "click" or I like his energy, or there's lots of chemistry. That's number one. Why should I settle for anything less? And why is it that I might have the connection on the dance floor and not off? Because I'm excerting a totally
different energy on the floor than I do off the floor. Who I am as a tango dancer doesn't necessarily mean the same person that I am in my everyday life. Actually, on that note... I used to date another tango dancer that truly transformed when he stepped on the floor. Off the floor, he was a an insecure mess. On the floor he became a strong, confident leader.

Ladies (and this probably goes for men too), we are just going to have to tolerate this sometimes. The same guys who can't get the message that we aren't interested in them in anything other than dancing, are the same ones who call you 7 times a day though you never return their calls. They are the same ones that insist on asking you out for months though you keep turning them down. They are the ones that just can't take no for an answer. I don't know if they think that persistance is attractive, but it's pretty much just annoying.

Remember...it does still take TWO to Tango - both parties have to be interested in it.

Nicole
Miami






--- On Thu 07/28, A Coleman < gurps_npc@HOTMAIL.COM > wrote:


Like I said in the original email, no I am not saying they are supposed to<br>consider any guy as a possible Mr. Right just because they have a nice dance<br>connection. If I had to explain further, I would go with:<br><br>If you are single, and the guy is single, and the guy wants to take you on a<br>date, and you like dancing with him, then if you do not want to go on a date<br>with him you should examine why you don't want to date him. Either A) you<br>are a shallow person or B) he is not the kind of guy you really want to<br>dance with.<br><br>As for the scent, she did not say Chemistry, she said scent. You , like<br>most peopel, are assuming and attributing far more reasonable motives and<br>words than what she expressed. People always assume that women are not<br>shallow, and frankly, that is not true at all in my experience. If she<br>really meant Chemistry, not just scent, then she should have said so. But<br>even so, chemistry is a word often abused by
people.<br><br>Often people say "We have no chemistry", when they really meant "You are the<br>uggliest person I have ever seen.", or "I don't date people as<br>fat/short/pale/... as you"<br><br>Yes, chemistry can be a real, "deep" reason to not date a person, but NO,<br>you can't find out that kind of chemistry in a milonga. That kind of<br>chemistry takes time to develop either way, and takes more talking then<br>typically happens at a dance. Like say, on a date.<br><br>People can of course decide on their own if they want to waste the time of<br>one date. The problem is that if you go around with shallow measures of who<br>you are going to date, you should not be surprised if people call you<br>shallow. For ages, women called men shallow for saying things like "I<br>only date women with large breasts." The men have the right to do that, but<br>the women have the right to get insulted, and to tell the men not to be<br>rude, and to explain why they were being
shallow.<br><br>Similarly, when women start talking about shallow reasons not to date men,<br>(like not like the collogne he wears) I have the right to get insulted and<br>to tell them don't be so rude, and to explain why you are being shallow.<br><br>Also, there is actuall good advice for both men and women here. People<br>often don't realize they are being shallow, or the consequences of it. If<br>a man only dates thin women with large breasts, he will miss out on a lot of<br>beautiful, loving, kind women that are not so thin, and have more reasonable<br>body shapes. Similarly, when women make shallow choices about who to date,<br>they generally end up restricting themselves to total scumbags and wondering<br>"why all men are scum." No, it is not all men, just the ones you agree to<br>date.<br><br>Finally, I did not lump everyone into those categories. There is a<br>difference between saying EVERYONE is either Dumb or a Genius, which is what<br>you accused me of
doing, and saying that some people are Dumb and some are<br>Genius.<br>