2493  hard wiring - a follower's dilemma

Date: Sat, 5 Jun 2004 12:41:03 -0500
From: donnay@DONNAY.NET
Subject: hard wiring - a follower's dilemma

Followers sometimes have a tough time - do what's led or do what is
expected? If you only do what's led, your leader may say to you "Now you're
supposed to step over my foot while dragging your foot up my leg..haven't
you ever learned that step?" Except that he didn't lead that. He's got his
shoulders squarely in front of yours meaning you'd have to push him out of
the way to complete the step he wants. New followers get a little gun-shy.
If they don't do what the guy wants, he'll start teaching her on the floor.
Or push her around. Or belittle her in some other way.

Crosadas can definitely be like that - some instructors even teach that "You
must cross after two steps to the left" Highly respected teachers. From
Bs.As and everything!

Ah, the constant dilemma of being a woman - be nice? Or stick to your
principles....

Lois Donnay
Minneapolis, MN

>>Alex said in class 'that North American followers cannot do small
>>shuffle

step to the left (relative to the line of dance), because they are hardwired
by instructors to' ....<<

Date: Sat, 5 Jun 2004 14:19:28 -0400
From: Michael B Ditkoff <tangomaniac@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Re: hard wiring - a follower's dilemma

Lois:
Stick to your principles. I know a woman who had difficulty turning down
invitations to dance from men who were terrible leaders and didn't show
her courtesy because she didn't want to hurt the man's feelings. I said
"Caryn. Suppose a man came up to you and said 'Let's make love.' What
would you say?" Caryn said "NO!!" I asked "Why did you say no? You'll
hurt the man's feelings." After that conversation, she found it easier to
say "no."

As for you, Lois, a good response is "I know how to follow it when it's
lead correctly. Let me show YOU how to lead it." Turnaround is fair play.

Many times I was convinced I knew how to lead. Until one day I lead my
teacher in two molinetes while I did sacadas. However, he could only do
one molinete not the second I wanted. I asked him why he didn't do the
second molinete. He said my body was in the way, I didn't pivot, and the
only thing he could do was a front ocho in front of me. THAT WAS the day
I learned I didn't always lead what I intended. That was a wake up call.
Clearly, there are men who need wake up calls. If women continue to take
the blame for what is lead poorly, the men have NO incentive to get
better.

Michael Ditkoff
Washington, DC

Wanting to stay on Tango L and OFF some spammer's email list
7 weeks to the NY Tango Festival
3 months to San Francisco where I can dance tango before I get on my
cruise ship

On Sat, 5 Jun 2004 12:41:03 -0500 donnay@DONNAY.NET writes:
Ah, the constant dilemma of being a woman - be nice? Or stick to > your>
principles....

>
> Lois Donnay
> Minneapolis, MN
>