416 Hospitality
Date: Fri, 8 Feb 2002 16:47:13 EST
From: Carole Ekker <HeyCook@AOL.COM>
Subject: Hospitality
I recently visited a city on business and attended a milonga with a local
friend. It was an evening of mixed pleasures.
The music was wonderful, as the DJ, whom I knew, is very talented and the
dancing I did with both him and my local friend was wonderful. However, the
remainder of the evening was very disappointing, and something of a surprise.
Not one person asked me to dance (I'm female, so it would not be out of the
ordinary to expect this). No one chatted, or even so much as said hello. In
fact, no matter how much I wandered around looking available, or smiled at
people and made eye contact, I sat and sat. I felt as if I had crashed a
private party.
I'm not complaining, and do not bring this up to point out the inhospitable
nature of this particular group. I am curious, though, about what other
communities do when obvious strangers appear on the scene. Do you
consciously take them under your wing, introduce them around, see that they
are welcomed?
In my community (Washington, DC), new dancers are always made welcome. There
is the usual group who pay no attention to anyone but their familiars, but
for the most part we are polite to strangers. I travel a lot and find most
of the places I go to dance are friendly. In fact, one of the unanticipated
delights of having taken up the Tango is the sense of community one feels --
no matter where you go, you have friends if you dance.
Shouldn't we be conscientious and courteous? Isn't it a good thing to
incorporate the influences of people from outside our communities? What is
your custom? What are your experiences?
Carole Ekker
Washington, DC
Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2002 22:55:15 +0900
From: astrid <astrid@RUBY.PLALA.OR.JP>
Subject: Re: Hospitality
Carole asked:
I am curious, though, about what other
> communities do when obvious strangers appear on the scene.
I am just back from Australia. I love Melbourne, wher I went for the first
time, everybody is so friendly.
My friend introduced me to all her friends at her milonga, and everybody
immmediately agreed to dance with me, when she asked them to, and they all
could dance too, with varying degrees, but all could.
The day I left, there was another milonga (my 4th in 8 days) and I was sent
off with so many hugs after thanking everybody for giving me such a good
time there, that I felt heartwarmed all the way to the airport (I booked a
flight that departed right after the last milonga)
There is also a very good teacher in Melbourne, Fabio Robles, who I spent
about 7 hours dancing with.
Great experience, for the people, the dancing, the weather, the huge
stretches of quiet, wide open nature (what a treat, when you come from
Tokyo), so if you have a chance to go down under- it will certainly be a lot
nicer than where you went, Carole.
By the way, what happened to you there, could possibly happen to you also,
if you went to a certain milonga in Roppongi, Tokyo, but definitely not at
the one where I go, which is quite different in atmosphere. My hunch is, the
teacher's personality has an influence on his student's future behaviour.
The one downtown only grudgingly dances with women who are neither his
girlfriend nor taking private lessons with him, it seems, and does not chat
with the students, while my own teacher always greets me with a bear hug and
a huge smile as soon as I walk in the door. He will hug everyone else to
greet them and send them home too, and encourages communication and dancing
between the students. So even the usually rather reserved Japanese have
become quite friendly at his milonga, and have eventually started hugging me
goodbye too, which is not at all their usual custom, but they seem to enjoy
it. ; )
Astrid
Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2002 08:18:15 -0500
From: elizabeth telson <telsone@WORLDNET.ATT.NET>
Subject: Hospitality
Just like to add my two cents to Carole's note on
Hospitality:
Carole Wrote: In my community (Washington, DC), new
dancers are always made welcome. There is the usual
group who pay no attention to anyone but their
familiars, but for the most part we are polite to
strangers. ..
I study tango and dance in the same community. What
Carole says about new dancers being made welcomed is
true. I find the Washington, D.C. Tango community as a
whole to be quite a friendly one.
However, the experience she had at the milonga venue
away from D.C. is likely to be experienced here in the
D.C. area milongas also. When I first started studying
tango, it took a lot of courage for me to go to my
first milonga....I almost didn't go because my
classmate told me how intimidated he was after he
attended his first milonga.
I did dance at the first milonga...with my Teacher!!!
I didn't know anyone there outside of my
classmates....The second time I attended a milonga, one
of my teachers sort of put up one of the regulars to
ask me to dance, and the result of that is, when I see
him, he will ask me to dance.
My third milonga, I got asked to dance by a couple of
the very popular dancers, which I think I was lucky
that night....They have droves of women waiting in line
to dance with them.
The fourth time I attended milonga, I sat and gossiped
all night, although I was encouraged by one of my
teachers to ask someone to dance. I explained to her
in my world, the old rules still apply -- Men ask women
to dance; not the other way around. (Sorry; that's
just me!!)
Fifth milonga, different venue, danced a bit more -- by
now, my face was familiar....
Sixth milonga, got asked to dance and did but I really
wanted to listen to the live band playing. Plus, I had
on shoes that kept slipping off my feet.
I finally stopped going because, outside of catching up
on gossip with friends over dinner, it seemed to me,
when contrasted to other social venues (see below), I
was doing more observing than dancing.
Seventh milonga, danced most of the evening with one
guy who was my classmate...I think the "community"
thought we were a couple or a "couple in the making"
(smiles).
Now, in contrast, I also go to regular night clubs,
mainly salsa, techno, international, and country and
western, and I can hardly get in the door -- even when
I am with a date -- and someone asks me to dance...I
also have the same experience at the local ballroom I
visit regularly -- no sitting around there either...
I guess my point is I think the community is more
reserved as a whole. Perhaps this is due to the nature
of the dance...I haven't done any studies...These are
just my observations.
I will say, in fairness, though, I dance a lot at class
and at practicas when I stay for them, but that too
depends on where the practica is held.and who attends.
You still have those who dance with only those they
feel comfortable dancing with even in a practice
environment, and one may not dance at that venue
either.
I am not an authority on the Washington, D.C. tango
scene; I am just relating my experiences. I guess I do
not find Carole's experience suprising being a newcomer
who is principally on the outside looking in (smiles).
Good day to you all,
Elizabeth Telson aka Truewater2
