571  Inviting women to dance

Date: Tue, 28 May 2002 23:22:03 -0400
From: Michael B Ditkoff <tangomaniac@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Inviting women to dance

Lately, I've seen some posts about woman lamenting not being invited to
dance. Is this completely the man's fault? NO? I remember a milonga
hostess in New York who told me that a woman was upset that a particular
tanguero didn't ask her to dance, the woman implying the man was blind or
decided not to dance with her.

Unlike poor leading which is entirely the man's fault, a woman not being
invited to dance is NOT entirely the man's fault. I'm NOT talking about a
woman's age nor dance skill but making herself AVAILABILE.

If I see two women talking at a table, wouldn't it be rude if I
interrupted the conversation and extended an invitation to one of them.
First, I disrupted their conversation and secondly, I chose one woman
over another. I'm NOT an expert on tango but I AM an expert on rejection.
Believe me, it hurts!! And before you go to your keyboards, DON'T write
"It's not personal." Baloney. We're talking about tango. NOT Meringue. To
chose one woman to dance while the other is now alone is a form of
rejection.

By asking for a dance, I forced the woman into a dilemma,- ME or her
friend. There's no good reason a woman has to be put in that situation.

At one time I thought the eye glance approach to asking for a dance was
about the dumbest approach I ever heard of. Of course I was terrible and
thought the only way I could get a woman's attention was to shoot off a
flare gun or shine a flashlight in her eyes. I prefer this method of
invitation, even when dancing ballroom. There's no confrontation and I
don't put the woman in a position to say "No thank you." The eyes say it
all.

While posters didn't go into details about their situation, I'll say that
if you want to dance, send us a signal. Stand near the dance floor. Cast
your eyes across the floor indicating you're looking for a partner. If
neither works, trip a man. (LOL)
As for asking men to dance, there's nothing wrong with that. Why should
men have a monopoly on the fear of rejection?

Michael Ditkoff
Washington, DC
I only have to wait 6 more weeks until the NY Tango Festival