122  Leaders/Mars, Followers/Venus

Date: Fri, 27 Jul 2001 10:03:57 -0600
From: Brian Dunn <brianpdunn@EARTHLINK.NET>
Subject: Leaders/Mars, Followers/Venus

Micheal: > "Women want connection, men want figures (whether > > they can
lead or

> not.)> > The competitive hormone takes over reason."
>

Mark:> > BALONEY!!

>

Astrid:

>>>

There is one condition to dancing tango in an enjoyable way: the man
must be able to lead. He should be able to connect with a woman in a way so
that she can follow his lead. The women want connection, because that
enables them to follow...Their desire for connection does not come from some
mushy
feminine romanticism, and need to relate.
<<<
To demonstrate the truth of Astrid's statement, a man need only try the
follower's role a bit, at something more than a beginner's level. He will
feel the same desire for connection she describes, because his feet need the
messages from the leader's head/heart in order to know what to do next.


Astrid:

>>>

...I have been contradicted, but I still stand by my view that with the
right lead, a man can lead a woman into steps she does not know and has
never done before. When I had private lessons with Nito, he taught me a
huge amount of material
within one hour.
<<<

I observed this with Daniel Trenner long ago. Near the end of a 12-week
series, he picked out of a crowd of 50 people a visitor to the class who had
never danced tango before and led her through beautiful, exciting complex
material. One of my classmates then remarked, "We've been studying for
three months...why can't we dance like her?"

Brian Dunn
Boulder, Colorado USA
www.danceoftheheart.com

Date: Fri, 27 Jul 2001 12:46:07 -0400
From: Barbara Kountouzi <vk25@DREXEL.EDU>
Subject: Re: Leaders/Mars, Followers/Venus

Brian wrote:

>To demonstrate the truth of Astrid's statement, a man need only try the
>follower's role a bit, at something more than a beginner's level. He will
>feel the same desire for connection she describes, because his feet need the
>messages from the leader's head/heart in order to know what to do next.
>

I am afraid that this is not always true. When someone is the kind of person
who likes to blame others and is afraid to explore the possibility that s/he
is the one who does something wrong, they will do it no matter what role they
try. My experience is that when leaders attempt to follow, they immediately
switch modes! Sometimes, if I practice with someone who has difficulties with
the lead, I offer to lead him in order to show him how the bad lead feels
(since I don't think I am capable of showing how the good lead feels yet).
Strangely enough, they admit that it feels really bad, but they cannot believe
that they are as bad as it feels, they probably feel that I am exagerating. So
the problem is not always that leaders don't know what they should do; the
problem is that they are convinced they are doing it the right way! Go
figure...

So, if anyone out there knows the antidote for male ego, please tell me!


Barbara