633  Men asking women, etc

Date: Mon, 24 Jun 2002 14:21:38 -0400
From: Charles Roques <Crrtango@AOL.COM>
Subject: Men asking women, etc

Greetings,

This subject of women waiting to be invited to dance has just about played itself out but there seems to be a consensus more or less of a couple of points.

Mainly that if you are a good dancer, and that has nothing to do with the amount of time you have been studying, you will be asked. Sometimes how someone dresses, personal hygiene, bad chemistry, or personal approach to tango etc might come into play that will affect a man asking a woman. I for example won't ask women to dance who want to exchange lead and follow with me even if they are good. Especially at a milonga and not even at a practica.
I dance close, more salon style except for when I perform, so I rarely ask women to dance that are too short for me because it just doesn't feel right. It's not out of prejudice because I often like them as individuals. It is comfortable to dance open with them but I don't dance that way at milongas. I don't feel guilty here in New York because there are plenty of people of all sizes. If I lived in a community where there were few or no choices however I would reconsider.

And there is always just plain old chemistry which is difficult to explain. Unless I am teaching or in a situation where it is necessary for me to do so (I am asked by someone in charge to help balance out the ratio, for ex.), I don't feel obligated at a public milonga to make sure all the women are dancing.
Like Jai Jeffrey's comment about being harangued about not asking someone, I also don't ask complainers and followers who are confrontational to me.

But it usually is related to being a good dancer. Are you really good, because if you are you will be asked? So maybe you aren't. There are many women who think they are good here that I don't ask because I don't think they are. I will usually dance with a woman who asks me but I have also turned a few down.

Remember that being a bad dancer is often like having an unfaithful lover. You are usually the last one to know.

If you are consistently not being asked to dance then it is probably not the men's fault.

cheers,
Charles Roques

Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 10:25:14 -0700
From: Andrew Allison <Andrew@AALLISON.COM>
Subject: Men asking women, etc

As a newcomer to tango (4 months), I've been reading the subject thread
with interest and would like to offer a couple of comments. Having had the
privilege of being invited to dance by three different ladies at a milonga
last Sunday, I would ask those who argue for the traditional approach why
we can't simply apply "When in Rome . . . ." and adopt an etiquette
appropriate to the locale. Let's also keep in mind that everybody was a
beginner at some time -- surely it's not too much to ask of a good dancer
that they give a beginner a couple of dances. Even in Buenos Aires I found
most of the followers willing to extend this courtesy -- facilitated by
waiting for the last two dances of a tanda. And, of course, if the
objective is to get more leaders, encouragement will work better than
punishment. Regards, Andrew