820 politically correct, or not !! ??
Date: Sat, 19 Oct 2002 18:58:33 -0700
From: Jim Maes <dancetango@EARTHLINK.NET>
Subject: politically correct, or not !! ??
Well, I guess my 48 hours will soon be up, and I had a few more thoughts.
First I want to thank the few of you that responded to my posting, thanx
for the support. I realize that I'm not always so concerned with being
politically correct, it often seems very over rated. When I first
subscribed to Tango-L they made a big fuss about etiquette so I bit my
tongue as I read stuff that was better suited for the Jerry Springer show,
so I didn't express myself. For those of you that don't know I live and
dance in the San Francisco Bay Area, and my 8 yrs at tango here has been
blessed by the hordes of Argentines that come here to teach. If it weren't
for them this would not be considered the second Tango capital of the
world. ( according, even to the Argentines ) I must admit to most of the
same mistakes and mis-understanding of and about the dance that I complain
about. At some point in our lives we discovered this incredible endeavor,
and interpreted it within the context of what we knew and saw. It was a
double edged sword for me, that, soon after I began, the stage show
"Forever Tango" hit S.F. for a few week run, and stayed for 2 years. I
wanted to fly like I saw them on stage. It took quite awhile for me to
understand that my technique wasn't up to my aspirations. So I shifted my
focus, and slowed down, moving more and more into the close embrace. It
wasn't till then that I could start to tell where my partners feet were,
and how to have the dance be a complete experience of two people listening
to, and interpreting the music "together". Together is something that often
gets forgotten in the midst of the complexity inherent to Tango. If anyone
might be interested, here's how I do my best to approach the dance.
Be a gentleman !!!
I like to step up to and near my follower ( "lady" or not is subjective, as
is "gentleman" )
Even though she has consented to dance with me, I assume little.
I invite her into a connection, some stay open, some go directly to the
close embrace, sometimes it starts one way, then shifts as we wort at
"meeting" each other. Americans are often rightfully stereo typed into
"sexually screwed up" I think it's more universal to "humans" oops I stray.
So wherever or what ever, err on the side of safety, be "real man" enough
to allow her to find where she is comfortable with you.
It is not up to me to dictate to her how close she should get.
If we move to the close embrace, the first thing I do is to try to sense
her breathing rhythm and match mine to hers. For me, it's a solid
consistent way to start a connection.
My first steps are almost always simple. I build on those steps as I learn
the level of her dance. I think it is totally in appropriate to dance a
woman beyond her potential. So many men are so into showing off that the
woman may as well be a blow up doll.
The level of intimacy should be by mutual consent, or at least that's the
way real men do it :) :)
My first job it to support her, let her feel comfort, so she can build
trust, then test to see the boundaries of our level, in hopes of stretching
our envelope, so we grow in this most beautiful of dances.
It's my responsibility to have her leave me, feeling that she danced well.
She IS NOT going to feel that if you are not sensitive to her. She is not
going to feel that, if your balance is off, your lead is ambiguous, and
pushy, and/or if you don't accommodate where you placed her. **I often see
women led into an ocho to the mans right, he leads a long step, but he does
not rotate with her, then she gets caught under his arm at her throat and
is forced to step out from under her torso.** It makes her look off
balance, and feel like she's doing something wrong. If there's a problem,
it's almost always the leaders fault.
Even though I'm just an 8 yrs old Tango infant, I still go to occasional
classes, more beginning classes than advanced.
NEVER teach on the social floor !!! If you can't lead it, you are at fault,
and you are in no position to teach. The exception is if your partner
requests input or help, even then keep it to a minimum and save it for the
practicas.
If you bump into someone, excuse yourself, jerk. Stop looking at her feet
and watch the traffic. If you can't tell where her feet are, you don't know
what you're leading. Practice leading blind folded or with closed eyes,
till you know "one body four legs"
To the small segment that has interest in spiritual and esoteric in tango;
I like to connect at the "chi", the chakras, energetically. Sure I also
enjoy the physical closeness, but I prefer, something other than humping on
the dance floor. Physical passion is easy to find in such a sensual dance.
I prefer that feeling of being in love with the essence of my partner, what
we create together and being the best partner I can be for her. It's a
great feeling to be trusted enough that she closes her eyes, knowing that I
am there for her. That's my reward.
So that's my say for today.
Enough for now, it's time for me to get pretty for dance and see if I
remember how to be a
REAL MAN LOL
Best to all, learn till ya die, grow in spite of yourself.
Jim Maes
dancetango@earthlink.net
