1366  rejectionand"suggestinganimprovement"

Date: Fri, 6 Jun 2003 15:05:19 GMT
From: michael <tangomaniac@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Re: rejectionand"suggestinganimprovement"

I've read a lot about dealing with rejection and giving suggestions for improvement.

Women DO NOT owe men an explanation for declining a dance no differently than men DO NOT owe women an explanation for not inviting them to dance.
If the issue is one of principle, both sides are correct. However, if giving feedback for improvement is more important than principle, than I
I'll relate how I deal with problems.

For me, my biggest problem is a woman who is stiff, i.e. a very tight frame. Her right arm is a tight as a steel beam. It is very difficult to lead this type of woman because of her tight muscles, she can't feel the lead. The tight muscles in her arm will spread to her legs and she won't be able to move. It feels like I'm driving a New York City "Fishbowl" Bus, which didn't have power steering. I'm not going to sacrifice my frame and fight force with force.

To signal her stiffness, I will lightly shake her arm or tell her to relax. Depending on her cooperation, I'll put her right hand over my left shoulder. Now she has nothing to push against. If the woman tells me she's a beginner, I tell her "We all have to begin somewhere." Usually, her shoulders opens up and she can then dance. Sometimes, the fear of making a mistake causes a mistake to happen.

I'm not suggesting a woman teach a man how to dance, but I am suggesting a woman doesn't have to endure pain and should tell a man when she is in pain. "My hand hurts." "I losing my balance." Indirectly, the woman is telling the man he's doing a poor job of leading. If he is smart, he will try to understand what the woman is talking about. If he gets defensive and offensive, the woman should write down his name AND NEVER DANCE WITH HIM AGAIN!!

Men should try to follow. I know I learned what "wait for the woman" means when a woman lead me in ochos. She stepped sideways without waiting for me to pivot

If you want your community to grow, feedback is essential. If a man can't take feedback, he will never be a good dancer and will reach his potential very quickly.

Michael Ditkoff
Washington, DC


I'd rather be dancing argentine tango
Only 7 more weeks for the New York tango festival