1345  Tactfully declining dances

Date: Tue, 3 Jun 2003 13:49:38 -0700
From: Rick FromPortland <pruneshrub04@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Tactfully declining dances

Marissa,
I knew exactly where I was sending that & what I wanted to say. This person has her shingle out as a teacher, hopefully not teaching how to graciously & tactfully decline dances. What I mentioned happened right in front of me. "No Thanks" would have been fine. The scenario I'm writing about, w.r.t. confronting her about this in front of a bunch of people might be a little extreme. Instead, I think I'll just point to my back & decline dancing with her.

Rick

Date: Tue, 3 Jun 2003 16:17:17 -0500
From: Bibi Wong <bibibwong@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: Tactfully declining dances and accepting rejections

I have read many versions of etiquettes, most of them are suggested
solutions on how to deal with the social awkward situations most gracefully.

We might not agree with all of these etiquette "rules", because we are
entitled to different opinions, and hence we arrive at our solutions that
are considered best solution to our own standards. So it is a matter of how
far our own standards are deviated from the norm or as Astrid said: common
sense.

There are reasons for dancers to decline invitations, regardless from which
gender to which gender. Many of these potential reasons were eloquently
quoted by Andrew, to which--- as a follower (female)--- I validate. I find
certain leaders are perfect for a specific type of tango music.

Rejection may have another hidden message behind.

I recall in a class taught by a couple of extremely respected Argentinean
maestros, one followers confided to them on the lack of improvement by the
(male) leaders. The advice from the maestros was for the ladies (followers)
to form solidarity; not to dance with the rude or poor leaders. The moral
of this advice is to motivate the leaders to improve.

Be honest to ourselves, other than fufilling social obligations, who would
not like to dance with good dancers who are nice people too?

I hope those leaders who believe "confronting the follower after being
rejected and punishing her with chilling eye contact" would understand this
fundamental feeling. Just imagine the reverse (wild fabricated) scenario:
how would these leaders feel when a woman known for auto-gancho, green in
tango, equipped with bad breath, marches up towards them and demands a
dance? Or, what happens when these men who want to dance with somebody in
mind, are being intercepted by another female, oh no, the same auto-gancho
machine?

However, not all dancers understand the reason of solidarity. There are
some who genuinely not able to improve tend to approach the beginner dancers
instead... which is another discussion thread all together.

Last but not least, yanking someone (usually ladies) off the chair, however,
might occasionally happen in the cases where the yankers are teachers,
trying to prove the point that he/she can teach anyone to dance. This
troubles me the most, as I cannot imagine teachers-- assuming being the
pillars of the community-- would exhibit such behavior themselves; I worry
for their students who might potentially pick up the same habit.

Bibi