575 Tango, a dance of seduction or longing?
Date: Mon, 27 May 2002 19:03:33 -0700
From: Erika Hilliard <hilliard@SHAW.CA>
Subject: Tango, a dance of seduction or longing?
Tango, a dance of seduction or longing?
On May 23, Michael said:
"Since dancing tango is considered the same (by some) as having sex with your clothes on, I say that what goes on between two consenting adults is their private business." Excuse me. but when I dance, I dance. When I have sex, I have sex. And I reserve the latter exclusively for the one I love. I'm glad Michael qualified this statement as only true for "some" people. But it does bring me to the question of tango as a dance of seduction or longing.
I'm married, in love with my husband, and I'm hooked on tango. My husband is not hooked. though I still hope he will be one day. I've been dancing just over two years and I'm intrigued by these different notions of tango, dance of seduction or dance of longing. I would love to hear from other married people, men and women, as well as from singles, especially if they are not dancing with the one they love.
If I were dancing with my husband, I'd be interested in seduction, and not the seduction that promises real love but never delivers. I am not interested in seduction when I dance with other men. In terms of "voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir" seduction, I see little evidence of it as a key motivator for most tango dancers. Sure, for some dancers, it may be key, but I doubt that's true for most dancers. (There's probably a gender factor involved.)
When I dance, it is that sense of profound longing in tango music that resonates inside me. I can't help but wonder if that isn't tango's attraction to many of us. Does tango speak to our longing to soar when we cannot even fly? Does it speak to our longing for loved ones lost, for families dispersed, for dreams remembered and forgotten, for life passing, for a better world? I think of those 19th century Italian immigrants landing on the shores of Argentina, mostly young, all displaced, longing for the things of home, of family, of love.
When I dance, I do love the connection that can happen between two people who are in sync with each other. I don't care if my partner is young or old, thin or fat, short or tall, as long as we share the same energy. It's as if human connection is a form of redemption in the midst of the pain of longing. I like both close and open embrace. I like the intrigue and complexity of tango, never knowing quite what figure my partner will lay out for me. I love surprises. I long to get better and better at tango so that I can meet all the surprises as agilely as they are given.
Just because there is connection, does not mean that I want to make love! It's like when my son and I hug each other and sing and hold a musical note in each other's ear for as long as we can. It's play. It's resonance. It's creative energy! It's connection. Nothing sexual about it!
I also love the tango milonga. What a relief that happy music brings! What a tonic to the spirit, to the body! When I dance the milonga, my body feels like a smile bursting, like a wave crashing. I want to squeal like a kid who's just happy to be alive. It's almost unbearable to sit out a milonga. I hate missing the opportunity to dance a milonga as they're played so infrequently! I think I will learn the man's steps so I can dance the milonga, no matter what!
So, folks, tell me. Will I never become a full fledged tanguera because I am not into seduction? If not, too bad. I'm going to dance forever, anyway! Perhaps I should move to Helsinki!
Erika
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 02:35:35 -0400
From: Tanguero Chino <tanguerochino@NETSCAPE.NET>
Subject: Re: Tango, a dance of seduction or longing?
Erika Hilliard wrote:
>Tango, a dance of seduction or longing?
(I thought I was going to write about something else, but my mind tricked me and I found that I am continuing on my previous posting.)
This is a second hand story, but I thinks it further illustras Erika's point.
A few of us were talking about the seduction game after a milonga. One lady mentioned a conversation she had with a few single men some years ago. The group had had a few years of experience dancing tango.
She was wondering why none of the men had had any relationship with the ladies. One of the replies went something like "I do not want to compromise the feeling that I get when I am dancing."
Tango above all, is about connection, about feeling. It is more about the invisible than the visible. The embrace, the physical connection, is but part of the ritual. Like the lotus position for meditation, it is one step towards relaxing the mind. The physical closeness between the two persons makes it easier for them to open up to each other. This has to happen before any invisible connection can take place, before any feeling can be shared.
Tango is a seduction, but it is a seduction of the mind, not the body. Physical love may happen, but that's a consequence of the mental connection. The pursue of physical love causes too much pressure and stress to both partners. A person seeking physical love will be under pressure the entire time that he or she is at the milonga, whereas the pursue of tango connectness ends in three minutes, or the duration of a tanda at the most. Water finds the path of least resistance. Need I say more? ;-)
Invisible connections to all
Tanguero Chino
