2405  What individuals likes

Date: Tue, 20 Apr 2004 13:32:42 -0500
From: Leonard Kunkel <image10@SWBELL.NET>
Subject: Re: What individuals likes

One thing I do in my classes is to have students take a few minutes and
write down why they came to tango and/or what they want to get out of tango.

Sometimes they have a clear view and sometimes it is on a subconscious
level. And I see the same thing here on this site. Some have a very
clear view of what they want from tango and that is great. Others are
searching to define their own. When you know yourself then you can find
others that share your perspective.

I knew from the very start why I enjoyed tango. I went to my first class
because I thought that it might be a way to meet some very beautiful
ladies. And I was right except that after seeing it demonstrated I knew
that I must master this dance. It is not as much a social event for me
as it is the challenge and the opportunity to be very good at sometime
few are. I like the aspect of performance. So I float between close and
open embrace.

The connection of the open embrace can be just as technologically sound
as a close embrace. (I can hear the groans now). I find since it is
mostly an american style that few understand the dynamics and how to
acquire just as sound a lead or connection. Maybe you can't feel a
heartbeat or breath in your ear but there can be a very sound connection.

I once dated a lady with whom I had a connection without even touching
her. In fact if she came to a doorway and I had my back to her, I
immediately knew she was behind me and would turn and greet her. I could
feel when she was at an event even before I got there or most easily
across a room. I cannot explain the connection. But it was intense and
at the same time the most calming and pleasant feeling for me.
Unfortunately for her it was scary and she was afraid of it because we
could not explain it. I would like someday to find the same connection
with someone who would not be afraid of this type of intense sensitivity
to each other.

I personally am selective with whom I enjoy a close embrace. I like to
feel an attraction for the person before hand. I spend this last weekend
at a workshop, to test myself, by dancing all close embrace. It did not
meet what I demand of tango. And with some ladies it had an
unpleasantness to it.

Tango for me is different than I am reading lately. Since I am
selective, with whom I do do close embrace, it is usually very intense
when I choose to engage. And very enjoyable.

Woman seek intimacy in relationships, so I can see why women really like
to be held close, and lead in this manner. But for me dancing close
embrace with someone I do not feel a desire, feels like a betray to
those that I really want a connection with. This, for me, has a false
sense or there is this lie to the embrace. It is play acting and not the
real thing. For some this is fine for me I choose not.

The fact is no one can get inside anothers head. And reading the guesses
here (and I have been guilty myself of offering guesses) is rarely
productive. What would be productive is to start conducting exit polls
or periodical questionnaires concerning what a person wants from tango
or better yet why a person has left tango.

I am going to do more of this at my classes and milongas and would like
to hear from others that might do the same.

Blessings,
Leonardo K.