1317 White Flags and New Cars for all
Date: Wed, 28 May 2003 11:33:51 -0600
From: Lynne Butler <lynneoaks@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: White Flags and New Cars for all
Wow! Thanks for all the intelligent, insightful responses to my post about
how to signal "I Come In Peace" to strangers at huge milongas. Since so
many of them were personal, I'll share some of the wisdom:
1. As to the question "Is there a way to approach a stranger of the
opposite sex at a milonga WITHOUT implying you're hoping for a dance?" The
short answer is, No, not really. Since the codes for currying dances and
basic social interaction are virtually indistinguishable (smiling,
initiating a chat, etc.) it will definitely be assumed you are asking for a
dance, and strike fear in the heart of a leader or follower who has other
plans. Alas, there is no gestural "white flag" --and, sadly, some leaders
and followers may feel they have to be a little cold so you'll get the
point. That said, Tom Stermitz suggested that taking advantage of classes
and parties will probably offer more opportunities for simple conversation.
Good advice.
2. Much of what I heard could probably be summed up by saying, pun
intended, "We're all responsible for our own tango pleasure." How true!
Each leader and follower goes to milongas to have as much fun as they
personally, possibly, can -- and that's as it should be. But there was
also a lot of support expressed for risk-taking. So I guess it's okay to
put on a goofy smile and hope for the best. You could get lucky. And for
long-term community building, it's important not to ignore those goofy
smiles all of the time, even if you're a great dancers, because someday that
eager beaver might be really good, and you'll be glad they didn't get
discouraged and bail out.
3. Though I wasn't asking "How do I get more dances" (I had no complaints
there) but rather "How do I have conversations" -- I still got lots of
advice on how to get more dances. Of course, I'm going to keep that
entirely to myself. Kidding. The advice on getting more dances came down
to: take classes, be friendly, bring men with you so you can exchange them
like playing cards with women from other communities, get good so you look
good, and use any and all social, dance, and fashion strategies you can pull
off with a modicum of grace.
4. Regarding what sometimes looks like a funky interpretation of the
eye-contact thing (When I was in Buenos Aires I never seemed to see, during
the cortinas, everyone suddenly moving about the room as if they'd gone
blind, could no longer distinguish the shapes in front fo them, and instead
appeared to be headed toward some kind of celestial light). It's funny how
we do it here! But dear Jane reminded me that in Bs As they do it every
night, night after night -- and they are naturally more relaxed and subtle
and kind.
Finally, I want to thank Tom again. It was just a wonderful time. But
mostly I want to say that we're small in Salt Lake, but we love tango -- so
if you'll please visit us, leaders or followers, we'll treat you well and
buy you drinks. And if you'll move here -- we'll buy you a car. Honest,
Lynne
Date: Wed, 28 May 2003 13:06:52 -0600
From: Brian Dunn <Brian@DANCEOFTHEHEART.COM>
Subject: Re: White Flags and New Cars for all
Hi Lynne,
"But mostly I want to say that we're small in Salt Lake, but we love
tango..."
Ah! I thought you might be the "Lynne from SLC" from Monday breakfast in
Denver. There's another addition to your "white flag how-to" list: ask
people over from neighboring tables during "milonga-morning-after"
breakfasts!
To your topic: One way that milonga organizers can facilitate no-pressure
conversation opportunities is, if possible, to create "no-pressure neutral
zones" in their milongas. In our Boulder milonga, we have food & drinks set
up in a room slightly away from the main floor. I notice people
congregating there sometimes when they need a break, because the main room
is one big studio and everybody's there to dance. From watching the buzz in
the "snack room" it seems like many conversations get started and run their
course there with much less pressure on the leader or follower to "get out
and dance."
See you soon,
Brian Dunn
Dance of the Heart
Boulder, Colorado USA
1(303)938-0716
https://www.danceoftheheart.com
============================
"...after that tango, we are no longer strangers..."
--- Robert Heinlein, "The Number of the Beast"
