560  Good bye and teaching.

Date: Wed, 22 May 2002 15:30:58 -0300
From: sergio suppa <cachafaz90@YAHOO.COM.AR>
Subject: Good bye and teaching.

A good tango experience (IMO) requires that both members of the couple wish to dance with each other. This has to result out of absolute free will as they both know that otherwise the result will be an aborted tango, an unsatisfying trip, a bad feeling. The staring/nodding technique allows for this freedom of choice. The man situates himself across from the lady he wishes to invite but carefully staying to one side, not exactly in front of her to allow the freedom to look or not to look. It is only when both partners have a strong sensation of wanting to dance with each other that a tango will result in a good experience. It is absurd to try to manipulate elements to make a certain person to dance with you against her wishes. The result will be unfulfilling, a never-ending tango. Where staring/nodding is not done, attitude should be enough to show interest or the lack of it in the same way. So do not go to the lady and ask her to dance when you know that she is not happy dan!
cing with you.

From the point of view of the leader teaching or making observations to his partner at a milonga it is totally out of place. This is reserved for lessons and practicas but should never be done at the milonga. The milonga is a place where you select the person you wish to dance with and...you dance, period. You do not correct, you do not change anything other than your technique in order to adjust to your partner and to compensate for any deviation from what you expect. The main purpose of your dancing is to make sure that she has a great time and ends the tanda with a smile and a great sense of gratitude for the good time you both just created. It could happen that she is a very bad dancer (in your opinion), she has a terrible frame, bad posture, she is very heavy to dance with, you feel tired, your back aches...then... you relax and walk, walk, walk with the music and good rhythm, you add some ochos and very simple moves, next you make sure that she relaxes, not by talking b!
ut rather by your attitude and yo
ur lead. This type of partner should leave the floor thinking that she has danced properly. You do not lead anything you are not certain she cannot follow. Where she makes a mistake you compensate without her knowing it.

Any move has an alternative. Very important! you are not dancing with the lady out of charity or pity. You like her, you enjoy having her in your arms and it is here where your leading is sharpened and greatly improved. To lead a beginner is a challenge. Your satisfactiion comes from leading properly so that she follows without hesitation or trouble at all. If you fail ...it is your fault not hers, THE WORST PART: she will leave the floor thinking that dancing with you si not good.

Date: Thu, 23 May 2002 08:16:19 -0700
From: Marisa Holmes <mariholmes@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Re: Good bye and teaching.

Well, speaking as a newish dancer, I _would_ like that
consolation tango. In fact, I'd like a consolation
tanda, to give me a chance to get used to a new
leader. And speaking as a dancer who is more
experienced than the newest dancers on the floor, I
hope my partner and I have the decency to give the new
folks tandas as well.

I have gone to milongas where white knights offered me
instruction on the floor. It has never hurt my
feelings. I have been sure they shouldn't teach on
the floor; I have not always thought their ideas were
correct; and I have often _not_ implemented their
teaching except while dancing with them. In short, I
think they were in the wrong, but probably
well-intentioned. And I have usually learned
something from them about dancing - just not always
what they thought they were teaching.

I have danced with leaders (including my teacher) who
seemed to be engaged in a probe of the edges of my
ability. I honestly really dislike dancing when three
or four times in each song I find that, although I was
paying attention and really trying to follow, I am on
the wrong foot, have not shifted my weight in time,
have come off balance, have not understood a lead, or
am just flustered and confused. I admit, those dances
bruise me a bit - leave me feeling I will never learn
to dance. And I think that those experienced leaders
would have done better to dance in a way that would
leave me feeling good. But I learned something from
most of those dances too.

I am at the milonga to learn while dancing and having
fun, and that's the bottom line. I take classes and I
go to practicas, and I tell you: in beginner and
intermediate classes, one dances with beginner and
intermediate leaders, and one does not ever learn what
a subtle lead from an experienced leader feels like.
At practicas, unless the host/leader obliges people to
switch partners, the situation is no better. Except
for private lessons, the milonga is the only place I
have a chance to dance with experienced leaders. And
I appreciate the opportunity to do so.

I seldom agree with Carlos, but I think his list of
important things to figure out about tango really hit
the nail on the head in a couple of places:
"how to have the best possible time at a milonga,
given one's manifold assets and liabilities;
how to have a selfish grand time while being also
amiable, civilized, courteous, respectful, sensitive
to the human landscape, even generous in a
non-insulting way"

I know I'm not a good dancer yet, but I would
appreciate dancing sometimes with a person who can
lead. I enjoy dancing when it goes pretty smoothly
and it really doesn't have to be perfect - as several
people have said, it's only dancing. I figure my
obligations in return for those consolation tandas
are:
-to dance as well as I can (and to take lessons and do
whatever else I can to improve);
-to be pleasant to the people I am dancing with, even
if I'm having some trouble - or they are;
-to thank the leader and praise something he did that
I enjoyed or found interesting;
-to talk to both the leaders and the followers when
I'm off the floor, getting a snack, changing my shoes,
coming or going from classes and milongas and do what
I can to make the community one where people feel
welcome and accepted;
-to dance with new leaders, following them to the best
of my ability to dance and to understand their leads,
and trying to give them an experience of actually
dancing
-not to instruct, explain, or discuss on the floor and
to lead any conversations of that sort started by
leaders to as rapid a conclusion as possible within
the limits of courtesy.

I am, of course, doing unto others as I would have
them do unto me. Come on guys and gals: you can give
two crummy tandas to a couple of people you never
danced with before without ruining your evening, if
you have realistic expectations about how perfect your
dance experiences must be. Do it in the time you
would otherwise spend glowering at the floor because
your favorite partner is not available. It will
improve your community. It may even improve your
dancing.

Marisa

Date: Thu, 23 May 2002 10:40:49 -0500
From: Stephen Brown <Stephen.P.Brown@DAL.FRB.ORG>
Subject: Re: Good bye and teaching.

Marisa wrote:

>I have danced with leaders (including my teacher) who
>seemed to be engaged in a probe of the edges of my
>ability. I honestly really dislike dancing when three
>or four times in each song I find that, although I was
>paying attention and really trying to follow, I am on
>the wrong foot, have not shifted my weight in time,
>have come off balance, have not understood a lead, or
>am just flustered and confused. I admit, those dances
>bruise me a bit - leave me feeling I will never learn
>to dance. And I think that those experienced leaders
>would have done better to dance in a way that would
>leave me feeling good. But I learned something from
>most of those dances too.

The activity Marisa describes might be a disguised form of teaching. Tango
needs to be learned in the body, and leading a less experienced dancer
through moves that are unfamiliar to her to learn in the body even if her
mind is a little flustered...

Before we jump on everyone who engages in this form of "teaching", let me
also explain why it can be accidental. If I am dancing with a follower who
is dancing very smoothly and I move out of conscious dancing, I simply may
lead movements without any thought that the woman might not be able to
execute them... Afterall, effortless mastery comes from dancing in the
zone of unconscious competence. Of course, if I engage in this activity
repeatedly, maybe I have switched to teaching...

With best regards,
Steve

Stephen Brown
Tango Argentino de Tejas