1547  Notes from Buenos Aires 11

Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2003 00:30:51 -0500
From: Rick McGarrey <RICKMCG@FLASH.NET>
Subject: Notes from Buenos Aires 11

I have to tell the truth here. We aren't actually
going to be caretakers of a big empty lodge in the
mountains. We're going to Montevideo, and then to
Colonia, which are across the mouth of the Rio de la
Plata in Uruguay. I knew from the beginning we were
going there, and I knew that Uruguay is as flat as one
of those Pima County cotton fields that are leveled
with a laser guided tractor. I just wanted to keep
the 'crazed-writer, Jack Nicholson' thing going a
little longer, because that's how I was starting to
feel after sitting in the apartment for so long. With
a big New York Times reporter kind of lie like that,
how can you believe anything I say? You might not
even believe my story about the dancing empanadas.

Empanadas are a sort of national food in Argentina,
like horse entrails in England, or Tang in the U.S.
They are very common here, but I was still surprised
when Alejandra and I were in a taxi the other night on
the way to Teatro San Martin and eight of them ran
into the street and blocked our way. Actually they
blocked everyone, because they lined up all the way
across Avenida Santa Fe, stopping all eight lanes of
traffic. And then they began to dance. This may be a
little off topic, because it wasn't actually tango
dancing, as far as I could tell. Tango would have
been difficult for them anyway, because empanadas
don't have arms, and the embrace would be impossible.
Empanadas look sort of like a taco that has been sewn
shut. These had no arms, but they had legs, which
were red, and a torso about five feet in length. I
realize my credibility is in question after the cabin
in the mountains lie, so I want to be accurate here.
There were eight, and they were gray. I commented to
Alejandra that either I had played too many games of
video pinball, or that it was a great thing that the
city of BsAs would go to all the trouble of finding
work for people impersonating empanadas to entertain
the taxi drivers. I speculated that maybe there were
even some transvestite prostitutes inside those suits
who had been pulled off the street by the police
because of the war. She straightened me out, as
usual. She said they weren't gray, they were toasty
brown color, that they were dancing traditional
Argentine folklore, with a sort of a chacarera step.
She said this is as it should be with a traditional
thing like an empanada. And she said that there were
only six, because everyone knows the company that owns
them makes only six flavors of empanada. A dancing
empanada for each flavor, and that's how many there
were. So you see, I did my research, and got the
story right.

Used to be I wasn't so scrupulous. In fact I was a
terrible liar. When I first started dancing tango I
tormented my local community with a made-up character
called Petroleo. I created an email account for him,
and wrote on our egroup that I had met him in Guaymas,
Mexico, after he hitchhiked there all the way from
BsAs because of some trouble with the wife of one of
the famous tango stars. I said he then found me after
he slipped into the U.S., and I let him sleep in an
old car, and we began to have adventures. He claimed
to be Tete's nephew, and he would make cutting
comments about the local tango scene about 'tourists
doing ganchos' and people living in a fantasy if they
thought anyone would want to watch their attempts
at 'tango fantasia'. Things like that. I would have
him drinking behind the Greyhound bus station
downtown, and we would take trips, and I would post
things like, 'I have to apologize for Petroleo. He
didn't intend to harass the women on the group with
his emails, but he is from another culture and doesn't
understand, etc...' People were freaking out,
looking for him, and it took about three months before
the last of the gullible ones realized he didn't
exist. I know now that I went too far making fun of
the way people danced. Some of the young kids dancing
in town loved it, but some people got very angry.

I tried to tell them, well I'm lonely, and I needed an
imaginary friend, but it didn't sell. After I wrote
my 'Tango and Chaos' reports in 2001 I asked one of
the kids if he liked them. He shook his long hair,
and said sadly, 'They're okay man, but I liked your
Petroleo work best.'

Petroleo was making fun of the performer wannabes in
town pretty hard. I was using him to tease a couple
of teachers who were teaching ganchos and reverse
sacadas and things to beginning students, and a group
of people who called themselves the tango show group,
or performance group. They would hold exclusive
practicas, telling other people they weren't good
enough to join, and practice synchronized steps. They
were always trying to get into the newspaper, or on
tv, or to appear at a shopping mall. They thought of
themselves as the elite of tango, when actually they
were arrogant and clueless, which is a bad
combination. And the more ego someone has, the more
enraged they become when you make fun of them. So
Petroleo and I ended up getting on a lot of people's
s*** lists. None of those people even dance tango any
more, or really did in the first place for that
matter, but sometimes Michael Walker would come to
town to give classes, and all of them would go over to
take lessons from him. I think they told him what I
was up to, and he didn't like it. He thought I was
making fun of him also, which I didn't mean to do at
all. He's one of the good guys, a very talented
professional tango performer, maybe the best in the
world, and also a very good teacher of the
fundamentals of dancing. His style is different than
mine, more show like, but we are now good friends, and
Alejandra and I have had some great discussions about
tango with him. I respect him a lot. Those
discussions are worth an entire report, and maybe
I'll write one when we get back from Uruguay.

Alejandra is no longer angry about report 9, and says
I will enjoy Uruguay a lot. She says we can try some
milongas, and look for trains, which always makes me
feel good, and even check out the Uruguayan
transvestite prostitute district. She still remembers
my disappointment when we tried to follow up in BsAs
and found only bored policemen standing on the corners
where prostitutes used to frolic. I'm all for law and
order, but there are limits.

What does all this have to do with tango in BsAs?
Nothing. I'm going to bed. Have a nice weekend.

Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2003 02:41:23 -0300
From: la guacha <lamasguacha@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: Re: Notes from Buenos Aires 11

"I have to tell the truth here. "

I'm getting really bored with the 'notes'. I feel like I'm being forced to
read your bad journal entries. The ones you would probably skip over
yourself while searching for good material.

However, I do have a few comments and editorial notes.


"Empanadas are a sort of national food in Argentina,
like horse entrails in England, or Tang in the U.S.
They are very common here"

TANG in the U.S. - TANG?! C'mon boy, you can do better than that. First of
all TANG is a beverage and empanadas are a solid food. Who in the hell in
the U.S. drinks TANG? Where can you find it? (unless you're talking about
POON-TANG which is quite popular.) Anyway, the better analogy would have
been "Hotdogs in the U.S."

"Used to be I wasn't so scrupulous. In fact I was a
terrible liar. When I first started dancing tango I
tormented my local community..."

Ah so now you are managing to do this to the global community. YOu've come a
long way!

"with a made-up character
called Petroleo. "

Aren't you doing the same thing with Alejandra? I think she is also made up.
It's hard to believe a real woman would still be putting up with you.

Also you tease us with mention of truly interesting things and then proceed
to bore the sh** out of us with the most tedious descriptions of your sinus
condition, how much you drink, bad beginner dancers you made fun of years
ago in the U.S., and lies about ski resorts in Uruguay.

I want to see some action in "Notes from Buenos Aires 12" Quit whining about
yourself and give us some good dirt on El Pibe which you alluded to earlier
but did not deliver.

Then make up a hot story about the escapades of you and Alejandra with a
transvestite prostitute in Montevideo. Make it good. Or else "my
disappointment" will prompt me to hit the delete button next time I see your
"Notes". Your words will never dance with my eyes again.

la guacha

Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2003 09:30:33 -0400
From: John Gleeson <jgleeson@CONCENTRIC.NET>
Subject: Re: Notes from Buenos Aires 11

> What does all this have to do with tango in BsAs?
> Nothing. I'm going to bed. Have a nice weekend.
>

DELUSIONS of Hemingway?

Please, enough is enough.

John G

Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2003 10:54:30 -0700
From: Leopoldo Betrico <iwanttotango@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Re: Notes from Buenos Aires 11

--- la guacha <lamasguacha@HOTMAIL.COM> wrote:

> "I have to tell the truth here. "
>
> I'm getting really bored with the 'notes'. I feel
> like I'm being forced to
> read your bad journal entries. The ones you would
> probably skip over
> yourself while searching for good material.
>

Please, calm down and chill. Turn the volume down a
bit. You're under no obligation to read his post or
anyone else. (I sincerely hope that this list is not
your only form of entertainment :) )

Best,
Leopoldo

Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2003 19:57:02 +0100
From: Guy Williams <guyzen@FREEUK.COM>
Subject: Re: Notes from Buenos Aires 11

> --- la guacha <lamasguacha@HOTMAIL.COM> wrote:
> > "I have to tell the truth here. "
> >
> > I'm getting really bored with the 'notes'. I feel
> > like I'm being forced to
> > read your bad journal entries. The ones you would
> > probably skip over
> > yourself while searching for good material.
> >
>

Maybe you just have to wait for the book to come out!!

Date: Mon, 21 Jul 2003 23:45:12 +0900
From: astrid <astrid@RUBY.PLALA.OR.JP>
Subject: Re: Notes from Buenos Aires 11

>
> "Empanadas are a sort of national food in Argentina,
> like horse entrails in England, or Tang in the U.S.
> They are very common here"
>
> TANG in the U.S. - TANG?! C'mon boy, you can do better than that. First of
> all TANG is a beverage and empanadas are a solid food. Who in the hell in
> the U.S. drinks TANG? Where can you find it? (unless you're talking about
> POON-TANG which is quite popular.) Anyway, the better analogy would have
> been "Hotdogs in the U.S."
> I want to see some action in "Notes from Buenos Aires 12" Quit whining

about

> yourself and give us some good dirt on El Pibe which you alluded to

earlier

> but did not deliver.
>

No offense meant, Guacha, but you are as ethnocentric as the Japanese.
Getting all worked up about TANG, but you let the horse entrails go by
unchecked ?
And I, personally, do not care to hear one more word about El Pibe.

Astrid