1364 Cabaceo
Date: Fri, 6 Jun 2003 01:34:21 -0400
From: Nicole Dowell <bailadora2000@EXCITE.COM>
Subject: Re: Cabaceo
Andy wrote about the cabeceo:
(Have you considered to check your eyes? Many people need glasses and are not aware of that. For using the cabeceo you have to see as sharp as possible, otherwise you cannot make a difference if a person sitting on the other side of the dance floor is looking at you or 1 meter beside you)
Well, I already know I'm blind as a bat, and I wear corrective vision (contacts). So, that must be my problem! I can't see the guys!!!
Micole
Date: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 17:18:28 -0800
From: Michael Figart II <michaelfigart@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Cabaceo....or not
Hola listeros,
Yeah, I know we've had innumerable discussions regarding cabaceo usage, but here's a new take on the subject.........
I'm in Buenos Aires for a month. Went to Viejo Correo last night (Friday). I was there last week and had a great time, so I went again. Ana likes me, =
gets me a good table, and I have a gallery of women looking at me from 5 to fifteen twenty feet away. Very easy to use the cabaceo. At other clubs I=
´ve been somewhat discouraged and frustrated trying to get dances. Anyway....after Viejo Correo I went to Club Gricel. I arrived about 1:30am. I =
actually found a good table very soon after that. And began again the very frustrating experience of trying to catch eyes. I´d thought many thing=
s; they know I´m a gringo, they don´t like my shoes, they don´t like my jacket, or they don´t like men who don´t wear jacket=
s, or the moon was in the seventh house, I don´t know. But nothing sucks like scanning the whole room every fifteen seconds when it seems like ev=
ery woman avoids your gaze.
And I´m practiced at this...many of you women know me! I love the cabaceo, and everything that it offers (which I won´t go into). I´m a=
"cabaceo man", and have used it almost exclusively for years. I love it!
Anyway......4:00am and some people are leaving. I continue my intense gazing. Don´t get me wrong....I had been dancing, but I like dancing every =
tanda, and not having to feel frustrated and even a little humiliated, by having to work so hard to get a dance. As people are leaving, it gets much e=
asier on the line of sight, but still no better luck. So I finally get up, walk twenty five feet and ask a woman to dance. I´d looked at this wom=
an at least two hundred times. I´d studiously turned my head at the right instant so she would know that I was looking directly at her, I´d =
widened my eyes, raised my eybrows, smiled, etc......
She accepted my invitation, and you know what she said? I was her first dance all night. ALL NIGHT, AND THIS IS 4:00AM. HER FIRST TANDA! And you know =
what else? She was a great dancer, very possibly the best follower I´d danced with all night, from both clubs. She was so appreciative that I tho=
ught she was going to cry. We had a fantastic tanda.
After that I went up to other women that I`d previously stared at, bored my eyes into....they all accepted.....all were appreciative.....all were grea=
t tandas.
Many of you know Gricel. The floor is not even twenty feet wide. I`d been sitting on the fifty yard line. Every woman I danced with praised me. I look=
ed great, wearing my beautiful silk sport jacket, and my Banana Republic slacks, and my Jorge Nel shoes, and thought the night sucked and felt really =
humiliated because my beloved cabaceo was failing me. It wasn`t failing me....the women could not see me, or didn`t understand, or didn`t know the cab=
aceo, or something......
I guess sometimes you just gotta get off your ass!
Regards,
Michael from Houston
Miguel de Tejas
Date: Sun, 5 Feb 2006 08:26:20 -0600
From: Michael Figart II <michaelfigart@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: cabaceo..or not! continued
Hola Listeros,
I'm back from a month in beautiful Buenos Aires. While there I wrote
about some of my frustrations with getting dances, and my discovery that
some women who wanted to dance, constantly missed my cabaceo requests
because they just couldn't see me from 20 or 25 feet away. And I said
that I started going up to women to ask them, which was kind of
misspoken. When I say "ask", it's always the cabaceo, and I'd walk
around using the cabaceo when I was much closer to their table,
sometimes 5 feet, but I never stopped and verbally asked a woman to
dance. But anyway, I'll sum up my further observations while there;
(note that I attended the more traditional milongas, not the more
"touristy" milongas).
1. I was struck by the realization that so many people go to
milongas and will only dance 2 or 3 tandas all night. They go much more
to socialize, talk to friends, have a drink, etc. And in many of these
cases, the tandas they dance are sort of "pre-arranged"; they know they
will dance with X at the first DiSarli tanda, and with Y for the first
D'Arienzo milongas.
2. The women couldn't see me, and this was a very real situation.
In some clubs (eg El Beso), it is very difficult to walk around at all,
so impossible to get a little closer to many of the women, but in others
(eg Gricel), a strolling technique works very well to get within cabaceo
distance.
3. The women didn't know me. They didn't know if I could lead well,
and they didn't know if my floorcraft was good. It is sometimes
difficult to tell these things by observation. The same is true for me
as I watch; some women who look mediocre turn out to be great followers,
and some who look great are only mediocre. This situation was greatly
alleviated by going to the same milonga on the same night every week, as
word got around that I was actually OK.
4. The women were intimidated. As people there grew used to seeing
me, and it became easier to get dances (for many reasons), I was told
more than once that they had been somewhat intimidated because I danced
well.
5. They just didn't want to dance (see 1 above).
After my last email I took some lessons with local milonguero(a)s, and
we went out to the milongas afterwards. Just sitting at their table
raised my status tremendously. They arranged a few tandas for me, and
brought back messages from women who expressed a desire to dance with
me. I was introduced all around, and was becoming familiar with many
well-known locals, and milonga organizers, so I was getting better
tables even when I was alone. I even danced with Z, who apparently never
dances with tourists. The bottom line is; dance well, use proper
floorcraft, and above all, make some friends, make yourself known, make
sure everybody gets used to you being around, frequent the same
milongas. We will always be "tourists" there, but it is possible to make
friends and gain their respect.
Regards, cheers, and see ya'll in Portland,
Michael from Houston
Date: Sun, 5 Feb 2006 14:25:44 -0800
From: Derik Rawson <rawsonweb@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Re: cabaceo..or not! continued
Dear Michael,
I am happy that you learned in BsAs that Argentine
Tango is social first, and dancing second. Good job.
Derik
d.rawson@rawsonweb.com
713-522-0888 Cell
--- Michael Figart II <michaelfigart@YAHOO.COM> wrote:
> Hola Listeros,
>
>
>
> I'm back from a month in beautiful Buenos Aires.
> While there I wrote
> about some of my frustrations with getting dances,
> and my discovery that
> some women who wanted to dance, constantly missed my
> cabaceo requests
> because they just couldn't see me from 20 or 25 feet
> away. And I said
> that I started going up to women to ask them, which
> was kind of
> misspoken. When I say "ask", it's always the
> cabaceo, and I'd walk
> around using the cabaceo when I was much closer to
> their table,
> sometimes 5 feet, but I never stopped and verbally
> asked a woman to
> dance. But anyway, I'll sum up my further
> observations while there;
> (note that I attended the more traditional milongas,
> not the more
> "touristy" milongas).
>
>
>
> 1. I was struck by the realization that so many
> people go to
> milongas and will only dance 2 or 3 tandas all
> night. They go much more
> to socialize, talk to friends, have a drink, etc.
> And in many of these
> cases, the tandas they dance are sort of
> "pre-arranged"; they know they
> will dance with X at the first DiSarli tanda, and
> with Y for the first
> D'Arienzo milongas.
>
>
>
> 2. The women couldn't see me, and this was a very
> real situation.
> In some clubs (eg El Beso), it is very difficult to
> walk around at all,
> so impossible to get a little closer to many of the
> women, but in others
> (eg Gricel), a strolling technique works very well
> to get within cabaceo
> distance.
>
>
>
> 3. The women didn't know me. They didn't know if I
> could lead well,
> and they didn't know if my floorcraft was good. It
> is sometimes
> difficult to tell these things by observation. The
> same is true for me
> as I watch; some women who look mediocre turn out to
> be great followers,
> and some who look great are only mediocre. This
> situation was greatly
> alleviated by going to the same milonga on the same
> night every week, as
> word got around that I was actually OK.
>
>
>
> 4. The women were intimidated. As people there grew
> used to seeing
> me, and it became easier to get dances (for many
> reasons), I was told
> more than once that they had been somewhat
> intimidated because I danced
> well.
>
>
>
> 5. They just didn't want to dance (see 1 above).
>
>
>
> After my last email I took some lessons with local
> milonguero(a)s, and
> we went out to the milongas afterwards. Just sitting
> at their table
> raised my status tremendously. They arranged a few
> tandas for me, and
> brought back messages from women who expressed a
> desire to dance with
> me. I was introduced all around, and was becoming
> familiar with many
> well-known locals, and milonga organizers, so I was
> getting better
> tables even when I was alone. I even danced with Z,
> who apparently never
> dances with tourists. The bottom line is; dance
> well, use proper
> floorcraft, and above all, make some friends, make
> yourself known, make
> sure everybody gets used to you being around,
> frequent the same
> milongas. We will always be "tourists" there, but it
> is possible to make
> friends and gain their respect.
>
>
>
> Regards, cheers, and see ya'll in Portland,
>
>
>
> Michael from Houston
>
>
Date: Tue, 7 Feb 2006 11:32:10 -0600
From: Michael Figart II <michaelfigart@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: cabaceo..or not! continued
Andrea writes;
<<<< michael -
arent u full of urself! maybe there are no rules. maybe everyone has
their own subjective ideas about tango and what constututes what u call
a 'good' or 'mediocre' dancer.
to me every dance is an opportunity which i enter without pre judgement
before or after. here in nyc as well as in bs as. but i must say i am
having a hard time with not judging u! i am more interested in the
connection to my partner than the figuring out or focussing on the rules
of the game. what makes a good dance to me is my leader's ability to
sense me, the music and make everything else go away. keep ur cabeceos,
so-called 'intimidating' fancy steps and floorcraft, and dissecting of
something better left to the heart. u seem to have forgotten that part.
a n d r e a >>>>>>
I received this privately last night, and just found out this morning
that it was also posted to the list. I’m glad it was posted publicly; if
I have offended anyone besides Andrea, I’d like to apologize, but I’d
also like someone to point out to me what could be found objectionable.
I’m at a loss here. And if I came across as “full of myself”, that
certainly was not my intention. My only aim was to discuss some of my
observations regarding some difficulties of the cabaceo, and maybe help
somebody out that plans on going down there, or at least prepare them
for the experience. I kind of made it a project while there, observing
and studying, and even asking people about this subject, with the help
of an interpreter. Due to 200 line limit, I cannot include the original
posting, which was sent Sunday.
Hello Andrea,
Sorry you feel that way, and I think you may have slightly
misinterpreted.....
<<<<<<<maybe there are no rules. maybe everyone has their own subjective
ideas
about tango and who is what u call 'good' or 'mediocre'.to me every
dance is an opportunity which i enter without pre judgement before or
after. here as well as in bs as.>>>>>>>>
I included the "good/mediocre" part precisely to point out just the fact
that one should not prejudge any dancer. I think, if you'll read my
posting again, that you'll realize you misread this part the first time.
And in the past, I've made it well-known to you, and everybody, that I
like to dance with as many different women as possible, without regard
to age, size, or degree of beauty. I've had great dances with women who
many men never ask to dance, and made some good friends this way.
Unfortunately, one of the often-heard pieces of advice (especially for
men), is to sit and watch for a while so that we can pick out just the
"good" dancers to dance with. I don't do this. I can't tell by looking,
only by dancing.
<<<<<<<i am more interested in the connection to my partner than the
figuring
out or focussing on rules of the game.what makes a good dance to me is
my leader's ability to sense me, the music and make everything else go
away.>>>>>>
I also, and I think you know this, believe that the essence of tango is
in the embrace, the connection, the communication between parners. Every
time I'm on the dance floor my goal is to make my partner feel like she
is floating on a cloud within the music, and that every movement (or
pause) is effortless and delicious. This is basically my only criteria
in judging my success as a leader of Argentine Tango; how happy and
satisfied can I leave my partner at the end of a tanda. I let my
partners, or my teachers, judge my success, not me, or those watching.
BUT, this subject was not addressed in, and has nothing to do with my
original email.
My "focussing" on the rules of the game was to provide myself with the
opportunity to dance more. A man in Buenos Aires must use the cabaceo to
dance. What's wrong with studying the nuances of its use, while I'm
there, to maximize my time on the floor?
<<<<<keep ur cabeceos, so-called 'intimidating' fancy steps and
floorcraft>>>>>
1. Use of the cabaceo at the milongas I attended in Buenos Aires is not
just suggested, or just an option; it is required. I didn’t go to the
more "touristy" milongas. I didn't go to La Viruta or Niño Bien. I went
to Buenos Aires to dance with Argentines for whom tango music, dance,
and culture has always been part of their lives. (And while there, I
enjoy observing and "dissecting" all the subtle nuances of the structure
of their tango culture.) I can dance here all I want, and frankly enjoy
an overall higher quality of tango at times, such as the two festivals
in Denver every year. I go to BsAs to learn more about the Argentine
aspects of tango; to try to put myself in their dancing shoes, and learn
from them.
2. Who said anything about "fancy" steps? I said I danced well, and I
did. The same thing happens here when I sometimes have to encourage a
more beginning follower to dance with me, because she's afraid she'll
make mistakes. And I don't have any fancy steps, Andrea. For my entire
tango life I've worked toward dancing like a milonguero. Just a few
steps well executed, with all emphasis placed on the music and the
comfort and happiness of my partner.
3. Keep my floorcraft??? You don't care if your partner respects the
line of dance, and tries to keep you out of danger? You don't care if he
runs you all over the floor, smashing into everyone? Thank you, I
believe I will keep my floorcraft! (Another reason some in BsAs don't
get dances....bad floorcraft).
<<<<<dissecting of something better left to the heart.>>>>
I didn't dissect the soul, or the heart, or the essence of tango. I made
no reference at all to what tango is about, to me, or to you, or
anybody. That IS very subjective, and discussion of such is generally
useless and/or counter-productive. All I did was present some aspects of
my objective observations of a very real and tangible part of tango in
BsAs. Whether you or I like the cabaceo, or the codes, is irrelevant.
While I'm in Buenos Aires I will do my best to respect their ways, and
the history and culture of tango in it's birthplace. Observation,
investigation, and analysis will better enable me to understand how, and
why, they do what they do, and why they feel the way they feel. I enjoy
tango just for the sake of tango, but I also love history, and cultural
anthropology. I like studying people's motivations, desires,
inhibitions. I enjoy learning about people and what makes them tick.
<<<<u seem to have forgotten that part.>>>>
I've forgotten nothing. In fact, I've learned a lot more during my
recent travels. I've learned my strengths, and what I need to work on.
I've learned more about leading with heart, and not muscle. I've learned
more about interpreting what I feel in the music, translating it through
my heart, and transmitting that to my partner.
Actually, Andrea, I'm quite flabbergasted that you find my posting so
offensive, and for the life of me, cannot find any reasonable basis for
such a vehement dismissal of what was only an informed, objective report
of why the cabaceo can seem difficult to us gringo men who go to Buenos
Aires, and a few ideas on how us gringos can be a little more successful
in its use. And for your information, I've received several letters of
thanks for an inciteful and helpful analysis. Yours has been the only
negative response.
I'm sad that you seem to be taking this opportunity to dismiss not only
my posting, but also what I thought was a friendship. I would hope that
you may keep your mind open on that matter, and maybe reconsider
sometime.
Hasta luego,
Michael
Date: Tue, 7 Feb 2006 17:12:53 -0700
From: "tho x. bui" <blahx3@EARTHLINK.NET>
Subject: Re: cabaceo..or not! continued
Michael Figart II wrote:
>>Andrea writes;..
>>[snip]
>Every time I'm on the dance floor my goal is to make my partner feel
>like she is floating on a cloud within the music, and that every movement
>(or pause) is effortless and delicious. This is basically my only
criteria in
>judging my success as a leader of Argentine Tango...
Every time I get on the dance floor, I reach my goal; and that is to
earn husband points.
Unfortunately, I seem to use them up as quickly as I earn them. Oh
well, here we go, another d@mn milonga!
https://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4853407124530261204&q=white+guy
Tho
Tho X. Bui
https://home.earthlink.net/~blahx3/thoxbui/
Date: Wed, 8 Feb 2006 08:25:58 -0500
From: andrea <ako31@NYC.RR.COM>
Subject: cabaceo..or not! continued
hi michael -
no apologies necessary -
being a ny -er, we call a spade a spade.
having been in a public position, i am fully aware that when u put
urself out there publicly u must be willing to accept that there will
be people who will publicly disagree as well.
your defensive response and accusations of my 'misinterpretations' were
unnecessary.
perhaps u could allow others to disagree and it be OK! that's what the
point of dialogue is - not to convert others but to share ideas.
it seemed to me that u wanted to establish a set of rules to guide
yourself (and others) through tango. as in life, there are none - and
the sooner we accept that fact and each other's differing experiences
of both the better.
for me tango is a personal and subjective experience. anyone assigning
codes, dogma, rules, or subjective experience as fixated fact subverts
the very beauty of the ethereal, in-substantive, and transient nature
of the dance - that which makes it the more precious and enticing and
transcendent.
andrea
.
Date: Tue, 7 Mar 2006 15:07:18 -0800
From: Igor Polk <ipolk@VIRTUAR.COM>
Subject: Advanced cabaceo
A two-second story happened to me at the last milonga.
A woman A;
A woman B;
A man;
Me ( a man too );
I stand at the table trying to figure out whom to invite for the next dance.
My first choice was A standing with a man 3 yards in front on the dance
floor. She was looking at me - she wanted to dance with me, but did not want
to upset her partner if the man offers to continue the dance. Another woman
B beside wanted to dance with me also. B saw me and A and her current
partner. I was looking at B too. B knew I have to invite A, because A wants
to dance with me - I told it to B myself dancing one of the previous dances.
Got it?
Then music started, the man invited ( he did not see us ) his current
partner A for the next dance, A accepted, and immediately, I was in front of
B inviting her to dance - we started laughing: we understood the whole
situation without any word. This cabaceo is a very funny thing!
Igor Polk
Date: Fri, 23 Jun 2006 12:19:46 -0600
From: "Tango Mail" <tango@springssauna.com>
Subject: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
Yet again, let's talk about the eye game.
I was recently out of town, and experienced something that I've experienced before in other cities and in Canada.
People don't know the eye game!
I am a slightly shy person who is a little insecure about his own dancing, appearance, etc.
I try to avoid the dreaded "walk" at any costs (When you walk to a woman to ask them to dance and they decline,
and you have to walk back; usually you'll see most men plop down beside that woman to talk to them as making
it appear talking was the reason they went over in the first place, to save face).
As a result I end up only dancing with those who accept my cabaceo or that I know from before.
I remember few years back when I went to NY and ended up sitting for 3 hours, before someone I knew from
Denver showed up, and then I danced the rest of the night not sitting down.
A little bit back I visited L.A. and went to two milongas; El Adoquin and El Encuentro. I probably would have sat down
even longer than I did on Friday, had an unescorted woman not sat down at my table (place was crowded despite the
heat and lack of A/C). But after her, it was still a little difficult to get dances, since I refused to walk across a room to someone. Meanwhile local guys walked up to a woman a whipped them onto the floor not so much as asking if
they wanted to dance. I was asked to dance way more often than I got to ask a woman.
There were many follows there that I kept looking at and trying to catch their eye, but to no avail.
They either glue their eyes to the floor or when they see you looking toward them, quickly look the other way.
And I know some of these women would have wanted to dance with me since some of them were the ones asking me,
by walking up to me to ask.
Saturday was better since I knew Jaimes, the visiting teacher and DJ, and one of the local women from Denver.
So on Sat I was on the floor right after I got my shoes on. But later on it was same problem as Friday. I got asked more
than I did, and again there were a few follows I did not get to dance with that I really wanted to dance with.
What I propose is that community leaders and teachers talk about what cabaceo is. People don't necessarily have
to do it on a regular bases, but that all would know what it means if someone is staring at you and nodding toward
the dance floor; especially if the person doing it is not known to you. This isn't an American dance and when someone
stares at someone it isn't to judge how they're clothed (unless that judged is on the floor, then they're free-range
chicken to be critized and complemented all you want, as is often done, for their shoes, dance style, clothing,
even hair style. Good O'le gossip).
Even at home and in Denver I get 90% of my dances using cabaceo. It was someone extremely brilliant and assuredly a shy person who came up with asking for dances using eye contact and I wish more people would use it / understand it.
Yeah-yeah you can always say get off yer arse and walk up to someone, but the person saying that doesn't
necessarily have any insecurities and is probably not a shy one.
I remember how little I danced when I was still doing ballroom, and dreaded the walk; I would only ask people from
my own studio (at social dance events), and rarely asked someone across the hall. There, of course, isn't cabaceo in
ballroom; People stand, bow, offer their hand, and ask the woman for a dance, ideally.
I'm not looking for a ton of people telling me I'm lazy and all that good List sh*t. I just wanted to offer my perspective
on the issue and hoping to promote cabaceo a little more.
Ciao
JK of CS
Date: Fri, 23 Jun 2006 23:09:06 -0400
From: "TangoDC.com" <spatz@tangoDC.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
To: tango-L@mit.edu
JK,
Even if all us teachers did our best to teach the cabaceo, it would
still be two years or so before you'd see the impact on the social
scene. I'll do my part as often as I can. But I really suggest you get
craftier on your end of the equation, if you want things to improve.
Here's a gambit I haven't tried, but will next time I'm out of town...
1.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HER: "No, I'm from out of town."
ME: "Me too, let's dance."
2.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HIM: "Yeah."
ME: "Listen, I'm from Denver, and don't know any of the women here. I'm
also a shy bastard. If I want to dance close embrace, who's good and
will give me a shot?"
HIM: "I often wonder that myself."
ME: "Come on, give me a hand, dude."
HIM: "That one there in the sequins."
ME: "What about open embrace?"
HIM: "Look pal, this ain't Providence."
ME: "Yeah... well, thanks then."
3.
ME: "Hey, nice mustache."
HER: "I beg your pardon?"
ME: "Uh... uh... Didn't I meet you in Denver?"
HER: "Never been."
ME: "Ah. My mistake. I made a mistake, see; I thought you were someone
else, ha ha. Halloween thing, you know. Inside joke. SO, uh, you dance
open?"
HER: "Fuck off."
ME: "Right, so... close?"
HER: "Psssh..."
4.
ME: "Great sequins."
HER: "Thanks."
ME: "You like this song?"
HER: "I could."
ME: "Shall we?"
HER: "You can ask."
ME: "I'm looking you in the eye..."
HER: "I'm looking you back..."
ME: "Wanna dance?"
5.
ME: "Hey, I like your cortinas."
DJ: "Thanks."
ME: "Do you ever dance while you're DJing, or should I resist the
temptation to talk you into it?"
DJ: "No, I just danced. But check back in a tanda or two."
Shy is shy, sure. But are you generally shy, or is it just a dancing
thing? You might be better off making small talk with bystanders and
such folk, rather than just sitting and waiting. If the locals see
you're engaged and personable, they might notice you more. Try to put on
your dance shoes where people can see you, if the event's in a bar or
other public venue, so the locals know you're a dancer. Do whatever else
you can to non-verbally tell people you want to dance. I mean, shit--
you know it's gonna be a challenge, so come up with some solutions. The
cabaceo's just one way to do it.
Hope that helps while we've got the new batch of dancers learning to
shoot their glances--
Jake Spatz
Washington, DC
Tango Mail wrote:
> Yet again, let's talk about the eye game.
>
> I was recently out of town, and experienced something that I've experienced before in other cities and in Canada.
> People don't know the eye game!
>
> I am a slightly shy person who is a little insecure about his own dancing, appearance, etc.
> I try to avoid the dreaded "walk" at any costs (When you walk to a woman to ask them to dance and they decline,
> and you have to walk back; usually you'll see most men plop down beside that woman to talk to them as making
> it appear talking was the reason they went over in the first place, to save face).
> As a result I end up only dancing with those who accept my cabaceo or that I know from before.
> I remember few years back when I went to NY and ended up sitting for 3 hours, before someone I knew from
> Denver showed up, and then I danced the rest of the night not sitting down.
>
> A little bit back I visited L.A. and went to two milongas; El Adoquin and El Encuentro. I probably would have sat down
> even longer than I did on Friday, had an unescorted woman not sat down at my table (place was crowded despite the
> heat and lack of A/C). But after her, it was still a little difficult to get dances, since I refused to walk across a room to someone. Meanwhile local guys walked up to a woman a whipped them onto the floor not so much as asking if
> they wanted to dance. I was asked to dance way more often than I got to ask a woman.
> There were many follows there that I kept looking at and trying to catch their eye, but to no avail.
> They either glue their eyes to the floor or when they see you looking toward them, quickly look the other way.
> And I know some of these women would have wanted to dance with me since some of them were the ones asking me,
> by walking up to me to ask.
> Saturday was better since I knew Jaimes, the visiting teacher and DJ, and one of the local women from Denver.
> So on Sat I was on the floor right after I got my shoes on. But later on it was same problem as Friday. I got asked more
> than I did, and again there were a few follows I did not get to dance with that I really wanted to dance with.
>
> What I propose is that community leaders and teachers talk about what cabaceo is. People don't necessarily have
> to do it on a regular bases, but that all would know what it means if someone is staring at you and nodding toward
> the dance floor; especially if the person doing it is not known to you. This isn't an American dance and when someone
> stares at someone it isn't to judge how they're clothed (unless that judged is on the floor, then they're free-range
> chicken to be critized and complemented all you want, as is often done, for their shoes, dance style, clothing,
> even hair style. Good O'le gossip).
> Even at home and in Denver I get 90% of my dances using cabaceo. It was someone extremely brilliant and assuredly a shy person who came up with asking for dances using eye contact and I wish more people would use it / understand it.
> Yeah-yeah you can always say get off yer arse and walk up to someone, but the person saying that doesn't
> necessarily have any insecurities and is probably not a shy one.
> I remember how little I danced when I was still doing ballroom, and dreaded the walk; I would only ask people from
> my own studio (at social dance events), and rarely asked someone across the hall. There, of course, isn't cabaceo in
> ballroom; People stand, bow, offer their hand, and ask the woman for a dance, ideally.
>
> I'm not looking for a ton of people telling me I'm lazy and all that good List sh*t. I just wanted to offer my perspective
> on the issue and hoping to promote cabaceo a little more.
>
> Ciao
>
> JK of CS
>
>
>
Date: Sat, 24 Jun 2006 01:35:35 -0600
From: "David Hodgson" <DHodgson@Tango777.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
Look this is not rocket science, it is easy and as simple as this. Why try
to map this out.
I am a Lead.
You are a Follow.
We dance together in Tango.
What is there to figure out.
D~
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 9:09 PM
To: tango-L@mit.edu
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
JK,
Even if all us teachers did our best to teach the cabaceo, it would
still be two years or so before you'd see the impact on the social
scene. I'll do my part as often as I can. But I really suggest you get
craftier on your end of the equation, if you want things to improve.
Here's a gambit I haven't tried, but will next time I'm out of town...
1.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HER: "No, I'm from out of town."
ME: "Me too, let's dance."
2.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HIM: "Yeah."
ME: "Listen, I'm from Denver, and don't know any of the women here. I'm
also a shy bastard. If I want to dance close embrace, who's good and
will give me a shot?"
HIM: "I often wonder that myself."
ME: "Come on, give me a hand, dude."
HIM: "That one there in the sequins."
ME: "What about open embrace?"
HIM: "Look pal, this ain't Providence."
ME: "Yeah... well, thanks then."
3.
ME: "Hey, nice mustache."
HER: "I beg your pardon?"
ME: "Uh... uh... Didn't I meet you in Denver?"
HER: "Never been."
ME: "Ah. My mistake. I made a mistake, see; I thought you were someone
else, ha ha. Halloween thing, you know. Inside joke. SO, uh, you dance
open?"
HER: "Fuck off."
ME: "Right, so... close?"
HER: "Psssh..."
4.
ME: "Great sequins."
HER: "Thanks."
ME: "You like this song?"
HER: "I could."
ME: "Shall we?"
HER: "You can ask."
ME: "I'm looking you in the eye..."
HER: "I'm looking you back..."
ME: "Wanna dance?"
5.
ME: "Hey, I like your cortinas."
DJ: "Thanks."
ME: "Do you ever dance while you're DJing, or should I resist the
temptation to talk you into it?"
DJ: "No, I just danced. But check back in a tanda or two."
Shy is shy, sure. But are you generally shy, or is it just a dancing
thing? You might be better off making small talk with bystanders and
such folk, rather than just sitting and waiting. If the locals see
you're engaged and personable, they might notice you more. Try to put on
your dance shoes where people can see you, if the event's in a bar or
other public venue, so the locals know you're a dancer. Do whatever else
you can to non-verbally tell people you want to dance. I mean, shit--
you know it's gonna be a challenge, so come up with some solutions. The
cabaceo's just one way to do it.
Hope that helps while we've got the new batch of dancers learning to
shoot their glances--
Jake Spatz
Washington, DC
Tango Mail wrote:
> Yet again, let's talk about the eye game.
>
> I was recently out of town, and experienced something that I've
experienced before in other cities and in Canada.
> People don't know the eye game!
>
> I am a slightly shy person who is a little insecure about his own dancing,
appearance, etc.
> I try to avoid the dreaded "walk" at any costs (When you walk to a woman
to ask them to dance and they decline,
> and you have to walk back; usually you'll see most men plop down beside
that woman to talk to them as making
> it appear talking was the reason they went over in the first place, to
save face).
> As a result I end up only dancing with those who accept my cabaceo or that
I know from before.
> I remember few years back when I went to NY and ended up sitting for 3
hours, before someone I knew from
> Denver showed up, and then I danced the rest of the night not sitting
down.
>
> A little bit back I visited L.A. and went to two milongas; El Adoquin and
El Encuentro. I probably would have sat down
> even longer than I did on Friday, had an unescorted woman not sat down at
my table (place was crowded despite the
> heat and lack of A/C). But after her, it was still a little difficult to
get dances, since I refused to walk across a room to someone. Meanwhile
local guys walked up to a woman a whipped them onto the floor not so much as
asking if
> they wanted to dance. I was asked to dance way more often than I got to
ask a woman.
> There were many follows there that I kept looking at and trying to catch
their eye, but to no avail.
> They either glue their eyes to the floor or when they see you looking
toward them, quickly look the other way.
> And I know some of these women would have wanted to dance with me since
some of them were the ones asking me,
> by walking up to me to ask.
> Saturday was better since I knew Jaimes, the visiting teacher and DJ, and
one of the local women from Denver.
> So on Sat I was on the floor right after I got my shoes on. But later on
it was same problem as Friday. I got asked more
> than I did, and again there were a few follows I did not get to dance with
that I really wanted to dance with.
>
> What I propose is that community leaders and teachers talk about what
cabaceo is. People don't necessarily have
> to do it on a regular bases, but that all would know what it means if
someone is staring at you and nodding toward
> the dance floor; especially if the person doing it is not known to you.
This isn't an American dance and when someone
> stares at someone it isn't to judge how they're clothed (unless that
judged is on the floor, then they're free-range
> chicken to be critized and complemented all you want, as is often done,
for their shoes, dance style, clothing,
> even hair style. Good O'le gossip).
> Even at home and in Denver I get 90% of my dances using cabaceo. It was
someone extremely brilliant and assuredly a shy person who came up with
asking for dances using eye contact and I wish more people would use it /
understand it.
> Yeah-yeah you can always say get off yer arse and walk up to someone, but
the person saying that doesn't
> necessarily have any insecurities and is probably not a shy one.
> I remember how little I danced when I was still doing ballroom, and
dreaded the walk; I would only ask people from
> my own studio (at social dance events), and rarely asked someone across
the hall. There, of course, isn't cabaceo in
> ballroom; People stand, bow, offer their hand, and ask the woman for a
dance, ideally.
>
> I'm not looking for a ton of people telling me I'm lazy and all that good
List sh*t. I just wanted to offer my perspective
> on the issue and hoping to promote cabaceo a little more.
>
> Ciao
>
> JK of CS
>
>
>
Date: Sat, 24 Jun 2006 01:54:50 -0600
From: "David Hodgson" <DHodgson@Tango777.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
PS: If you want some really tremendous loud boom and lots of amazing colors
for the 4th. Make me the Rocket Scientist.
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Saturday, June 24, 2006 1:36 AM
To: Tango L list
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
Look this is not rocket science, it is easy and as simple as this. Why try
to map this out.
I am a Lead.
You are a Follow.
We dance together in Tango.
What is there to figure out.
D~
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 9:09 PM
To: tango-L@mit.edu
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
JK,
Even if all us teachers did our best to teach the cabaceo, it would
still be two years or so before you'd see the impact on the social
scene. I'll do my part as often as I can. But I really suggest you get
craftier on your end of the equation, if you want things to improve.
Here's a gambit I haven't tried, but will next time I'm out of town...
1.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HER: "No, I'm from out of town."
ME: "Me too, let's dance."
2.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HIM: "Yeah."
ME: "Listen, I'm from Denver, and don't know any of the women here. I'm
also a shy bastard. If I want to dance close embrace, who's good and
will give me a shot?"
HIM: "I often wonder that myself."
ME: "Come on, give me a hand, dude."
HIM: "That one there in the sequins."
ME: "What about open embrace?"
HIM: "Look pal, this ain't Providence."
ME: "Yeah... well, thanks then."
3.
ME: "Hey, nice mustache."
HER: "I beg your pardon?"
ME: "Uh... uh... Didn't I meet you in Denver?"
HER: "Never been."
ME: "Ah. My mistake. I made a mistake, see; I thought you were someone
else, ha ha. Halloween thing, you know. Inside joke. SO, uh, you dance
open?"
HER: "Fuck off."
ME: "Right, so... close?"
HER: "Psssh..."
4.
ME: "Great sequins."
HER: "Thanks."
ME: "You like this song?"
HER: "I could."
ME: "Shall we?"
HER: "You can ask."
ME: "I'm looking you in the eye..."
HER: "I'm looking you back..."
ME: "Wanna dance?"
5.
ME: "Hey, I like your cortinas."
DJ: "Thanks."
ME: "Do you ever dance while you're DJing, or should I resist the
temptation to talk you into it?"
DJ: "No, I just danced. But check back in a tanda or two."
Shy is shy, sure. But are you generally shy, or is it just a dancing
thing? You might be better off making small talk with bystanders and
such folk, rather than just sitting and waiting. If the locals see
you're engaged and personable, they might notice you more. Try to put on
your dance shoes where people can see you, if the event's in a bar or
other public venue, so the locals know you're a dancer. Do whatever else
you can to non-verbally tell people you want to dance. I mean, shit--
you know it's gonna be a challenge, so come up with some solutions. The
cabaceo's just one way to do it.
Hope that helps while we've got the new batch of dancers learning to
shoot their glances--
Jake Spatz
Washington, DC
Tango Mail wrote:
> Yet again, let's talk about the eye game.
>
> I was recently out of town, and experienced something that I've
experienced before in other cities and in Canada.
> People don't know the eye game!
>
> I am a slightly shy person who is a little insecure about his own dancing,
appearance, etc.
> I try to avoid the dreaded "walk" at any costs (When you walk to a woman
to ask them to dance and they decline,
> and you have to walk back; usually you'll see most men plop down beside
that woman to talk to them as making
> it appear talking was the reason they went over in the first place, to
save face).
> As a result I end up only dancing with those who accept my cabaceo or that
I know from before.
> I remember few years back when I went to NY and ended up sitting for 3
hours, before someone I knew from
> Denver showed up, and then I danced the rest of the night not sitting
down.
>
> A little bit back I visited L.A. and went to two milongas; El Adoquin and
El Encuentro. I probably would have sat down
> even longer than I did on Friday, had an unescorted woman not sat down at
my table (place was crowded despite the
> heat and lack of A/C). But after her, it was still a little difficult to
get dances, since I refused to walk across a room to someone. Meanwhile
local guys walked up to a woman a whipped them onto the floor not so much as
asking if
> they wanted to dance. I was asked to dance way more often than I got to
ask a woman.
> There were many follows there that I kept looking at and trying to catch
their eye, but to no avail.
> They either glue their eyes to the floor or when they see you looking
toward them, quickly look the other way.
> And I know some of these women would have wanted to dance with me since
some of them were the ones asking me,
> by walking up to me to ask.
> Saturday was better since I knew Jaimes, the visiting teacher and DJ, and
one of the local women from Denver.
> So on Sat I was on the floor right after I got my shoes on. But later on
it was same problem as Friday. I got asked more
> than I did, and again there were a few follows I did not get to dance with
that I really wanted to dance with.
>
> What I propose is that community leaders and teachers talk about what
cabaceo is. People don't necessarily have
> to do it on a regular bases, but that all would know what it means if
someone is staring at you and nodding toward
> the dance floor; especially if the person doing it is not known to you.
This isn't an American dance and when someone
> stares at someone it isn't to judge how they're clothed (unless that
judged is on the floor, then they're free-range
> chicken to be critized and complemented all you want, as is often done,
for their shoes, dance style, clothing,
> even hair style. Good O'le gossip).
> Even at home and in Denver I get 90% of my dances using cabaceo. It was
someone extremely brilliant and assuredly a shy person who came up with
asking for dances using eye contact and I wish more people would use it /
understand it.
> Yeah-yeah you can always say get off yer arse and walk up to someone, but
the person saying that doesn't
> necessarily have any insecurities and is probably not a shy one.
> I remember how little I danced when I was still doing ballroom, and
dreaded the walk; I would only ask people from
> my own studio (at social dance events), and rarely asked someone across
the hall. There, of course, isn't cabaceo in
> ballroom; People stand, bow, offer their hand, and ask the woman for a
dance, ideally.
>
> I'm not looking for a ton of people telling me I'm lazy and all that good
List sh*t. I just wanted to offer my perspective
> on the issue and hoping to promote cabaceo a little more.
>
> Ciao
>
> JK of CS
>
>
>
Date: Sat, 24 Jun 2006 10:54:46 -0400
From: "WHITE 95 R" <white95r@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
Hmmmm, I guess I better go to Ga Tech and get my rocket science
credentials.. I didn't even know that men were now called "leads" (maybe
some are a little heavy, but really...) and women are called "follows".....
;-)
Manuel (or should it be "Leaduel"?)
>From: "David Hodgson" <DHodgson@tango777.com>
>Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
>Date: Sat, 24 Jun 2006 01:54:50 -0600
>
>PS: If you want some really tremendous loud boom and lots of amazing colors
>for the 4th. Make me the Rocket Scientist.
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: tango-l-bounces@mit.edu [mailto:tango-l-bounces@mit.edu] On Behalf Of
>David Hodgson
>Sent: Saturday, June 24, 2006 1:36 AM
>To: Tango L list
>Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
>
>Look this is not rocket science, it is easy and as simple as this. Why try
>to map this out.
>
>I am a Lead.
>You are a Follow.
>We dance together in Tango.
>What is there to figure out.
>
>D~
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: tango-l-bounces@mit.edu [mailto:tango-l-bounces@mit.edu] On Behalf Of
>TangoDC.com
>Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 9:09 PM
>To: tango-L@mit.edu
>Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
>
>JK,
>
>Even if all us teachers did our best to teach the cabaceo, it would
>still be two years or so before you'd see the impact on the social
>scene. I'll do my part as often as I can. But I really suggest you get
>craftier on your end of the equation, if you want things to improve.
>
>Here's a gambit I haven't tried, but will next time I'm out of town...
>
>1.
>ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
>HER: "No, I'm from out of town."
>ME: "Me too, let's dance."
>
>2.
>ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
>HIM: "Yeah."
>ME: "Listen, I'm from Denver, and don't know any of the women here. I'm
>also a shy bastard. If I want to dance close embrace, who's good and
>will give me a shot?"
>HIM: "I often wonder that myself."
>ME: "Come on, give me a hand, dude."
>HIM: "That one there in the sequins."
>ME: "What about open embrace?"
>HIM: "Look pal, this ain't Providence."
>ME: "Yeah... well, thanks then."
>
>3.
>ME: "Hey, nice mustache."
>HER: "I beg your pardon?"
>ME: "Uh... uh... Didn't I meet you in Denver?"
>HER: "Never been."
>ME: "Ah. My mistake. I made a mistake, see; I thought you were someone
>else, ha ha. Halloween thing, you know. Inside joke. SO, uh, you dance
>open?"
>HER: "Fuck off."
>ME: "Right, so... close?"
>HER: "Psssh..."
>
>4.
>ME: "Great sequins."
>HER: "Thanks."
>ME: "You like this song?"
>HER: "I could."
>ME: "Shall we?"
>HER: "You can ask."
>ME: "I'm looking you in the eye..."
>HER: "I'm looking you back..."
>ME: "Wanna dance?"
>
>5.
>ME: "Hey, I like your cortinas."
>DJ: "Thanks."
>ME: "Do you ever dance while you're DJing, or should I resist the
>temptation to talk you into it?"
>DJ: "No, I just danced. But check back in a tanda or two."
>
>Shy is shy, sure. But are you generally shy, or is it just a dancing
>thing? You might be better off making small talk with bystanders and
>such folk, rather than just sitting and waiting. If the locals see
>you're engaged and personable, they might notice you more. Try to put on
>your dance shoes where people can see you, if the event's in a bar or
>other public venue, so the locals know you're a dancer. Do whatever else
>you can to non-verbally tell people you want to dance. I mean, shit--
>you know it's gonna be a challenge, so come up with some solutions. The
>cabaceo's just one way to do it.
>
>Hope that helps while we've got the new batch of dancers learning to
>shoot their glances--
>
>Jake Spatz
>Washington, DC
>
>
>Tango Mail wrote:
> > Yet again, let's talk about the eye game.
> >
> > I was recently out of town, and experienced something that I've
>experienced before in other cities and in Canada.
> > People don't know the eye game!
> >
> > I am a slightly shy person who is a little insecure about his own
>dancing,
>appearance, etc.
> > I try to avoid the dreaded "walk" at any costs (When you walk to a woman
>to ask them to dance and they decline,
> > and you have to walk back; usually you'll see most men plop down beside
>that woman to talk to them as making
> > it appear talking was the reason they went over in the first place, to
>save face).
> > As a result I end up only dancing with those who accept my cabaceo or
>that
>I know from before.
> > I remember few years back when I went to NY and ended up sitting for 3
>hours, before someone I knew from
> > Denver showed up, and then I danced the rest of the night not sitting
>down.
> >
> > A little bit back I visited L.A. and went to two milongas; El Adoquin
>and
>El Encuentro. I probably would have sat down
> > even longer than I did on Friday, had an unescorted woman not sat down
>at
>my table (place was crowded despite the
> > heat and lack of A/C). But after her, it was still a little difficult
>to
>get dances, since I refused to walk across a room to someone. Meanwhile
>local guys walked up to a woman a whipped them onto the floor not so much
>as
>asking if
> > they wanted to dance. I was asked to dance way more often than I got to
>ask a woman.
> > There were many follows there that I kept looking at and trying to catch
>their eye, but to no avail.
> > They either glue their eyes to the floor or when they see you looking
>toward them, quickly look the other way.
> > And I know some of these women would have wanted to dance with me since
>some of them were the ones asking me,
> > by walking up to me to ask.
> > Saturday was better since I knew Jaimes, the visiting teacher and DJ,
>and
>one of the local women from Denver.
> > So on Sat I was on the floor right after I got my shoes on. But later on
>it was same problem as Friday. I got asked more
> > than I did, and again there were a few follows I did not get to dance
>with
>that I really wanted to dance with.
> >
> > What I propose is that community leaders and teachers talk about what
>cabaceo is. People don't necessarily have
> > to do it on a regular bases, but that all would know what it means if
>someone is staring at you and nodding toward
> > the dance floor; especially if the person doing it is not known to you.
>This isn't an American dance and when someone
> > stares at someone it isn't to judge how they're clothed (unless that
>judged is on the floor, then they're free-range
> > chicken to be critized and complemented all you want, as is often done,
>for their shoes, dance style, clothing,
> > even hair style. Good O'le gossip).
> > Even at home and in Denver I get 90% of my dances using cabaceo. It was
>someone extremely brilliant and assuredly a shy person who came up with
>asking for dances using eye contact and I wish more people would use it /
>understand it.
> > Yeah-yeah you can always say get off yer arse and walk up to someone,
>but
>the person saying that doesn't
> > necessarily have any insecurities and is probably not a shy one.
> > I remember how little I danced when I was still doing ballroom, and
>dreaded the walk; I would only ask people from
> > my own studio (at social dance events), and rarely asked someone across
>the hall. There, of course, isn't cabaceo in
> > ballroom; People stand, bow, offer their hand, and ask the woman for a
>dance, ideally.
> >
> > I'm not looking for a ton of people telling me I'm lazy and all that
>good
>List sh*t. I just wanted to offer my perspective
> > on the issue and hoping to promote cabaceo a little more.
> >
> > Ciao
> >
> > JK of CS
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
Date: Sat, 24 Jun 2006 19:00:00 +0100 (BST)
From: Club~Tango*La Dolce Vita~ <dani@tango-la-dolce-vita.eu>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
To: David Hodgson <DHodgson@tango777.com>, Tango L list
Perfectly right, David. I'm glad someone has sense.
I'm sick to death of hearing all the bleating about this 'Cabaceo' nonsense.
People talk about "learning it"...?????! Learning WHAT?!... learning to do what we all do naturally and amthropologically every day of our lives? i.e. giving a nonchalent acknowledgement of an acquaintance's presence as we happen (often subconsciously) to raise our eyebrows and/or giving a slight nod of the head on noticing them casually walking by on the other side of the street...??? Come on, this is all we're talking about.
There is no secret weapon of tango destruction at work here.
Stop making a big ridiculous fuss over what amounts to exactly... and I mean EXACTLY... the same as casual non-verbal acknowledgement.
Give it a break, eh?
Dani
https://www.tango-la-dolce-vita.eu
David Hodgson <DHodgson@tango777.com> wrote:
Look this is not rocket science, it is easy and as simple as this. Why try
to map this out.
I am a Lead.
You are a Follow.
We dance together in Tango.
What is there to figure out.
D~
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 9:09 PM
To: tango-L@mit.edu
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
JK,
Even if all us teachers did our best to teach the cabaceo, it would
still be two years or so before you'd see the impact on the social
scene. I'll do my part as often as I can. But I really suggest you get
craftier on your end of the equation, if you want things to improve.
Here's a gambit I haven't tried, but will next time I'm out of town...
1.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HER: "No, I'm from out of town."
ME: "Me too, let's dance."
2.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HIM: "Yeah."
ME: "Listen, I'm from Denver, and don't know any of the women here. I'm
also a shy bastard. If I want to dance close embrace, who's good and
will give me a shot?"
HIM: "I often wonder that myself."
ME: "Come on, give me a hand, dude."
HIM: "That one there in the sequins."
ME: "What about open embrace?"
HIM: "Look pal, this ain't Providence."
ME: "Yeah... well, thanks then."
3.
ME: "Hey, nice mustache."
HER: "I beg your pardon?"
ME: "Uh... uh... Didn't I meet you in Denver?"
HER: "Never been."
ME: "Ah. My mistake. I made a mistake, see; I thought you were someone
else, ha ha. Halloween thing, you know. Inside joke. SO, uh, you dance
open?"
HER: "Fuck off."
ME: "Right, so... close?"
HER: "Psssh..."
4.
ME: "Great sequins."
HER: "Thanks."
ME: "You like this song?"
HER: "I could."
ME: "Shall we?"
HER: "You can ask."
ME: "I'm looking you in the eye..."
HER: "I'm looking you back..."
ME: "Wanna dance?"
5.
ME: "Hey, I like your cortinas."
DJ: "Thanks."
ME: "Do you ever dance while you're DJing, or should I resist the
temptation to talk you into it?"
DJ: "No, I just danced. But check back in a tanda or two."
Shy is shy, sure. But are you generally shy, or is it just a dancing
thing? You might be better off making small talk with bystanders and
such folk, rather than just sitting and waiting. If the locals see
you're engaged and personable, they might notice you more. Try to put on
your dance shoes where people can see you, if the event's in a bar or
other public venue, so the locals know you're a dancer. Do whatever else
you can to non-verbally tell people you want to dance. I mean, shit--
you know it's gonna be a challenge, so come up with some solutions. The
cabaceo's just one way to do it.
Hope that helps while we've got the new batch of dancers learning to
shoot their glances--
Jake Spatz
Washington, DC
Tango Mail wrote:
> Yet again, let's talk about the eye game.
>
> I was recently out of town, and experienced something that I've
experienced before in other cities and in Canada.
> People don't know the eye game!
>
> I am a slightly shy person who is a little insecure about his own dancing,
appearance, etc.
> I try to avoid the dreaded "walk" at any costs (When you walk to a woman
to ask them to dance and they decline,
> and you have to walk back; usually you'll see most men plop down beside
that woman to talk to them as making
> it appear talking was the reason they went over in the first place, to
save face).
> As a result I end up only dancing with those who accept my cabaceo or that
I know from before.
> I remember few years back when I went to NY and ended up sitting for 3
hours, before someone I knew from
> Denver showed up, and then I danced the rest of the night not sitting
down.
>
> A little bit back I visited L.A. and went to two milongas; El Adoquin and
El Encuentro. I probably would have sat down
> even longer than I did on Friday, had an unescorted woman not sat down at
my table (place was crowded despite the
> heat and lack of A/C). But after her, it was still a little difficult to
get dances, since I refused to walk across a room to someone. Meanwhile
local guys walked up to a woman a whipped them onto the floor not so much as
asking if
> they wanted to dance. I was asked to dance way more often than I got to
ask a woman.
> There were many follows there that I kept looking at and trying to catch
their eye, but to no avail.
> They either glue their eyes to the floor or when they see you looking
toward them, quickly look the other way.
> And I know some of these women would have wanted to dance with me since
some of them were the ones asking me,
> by walking up to me to ask.
> Saturday was better since I knew Jaimes, the visiting teacher and DJ, and
one of the local women from Denver.
> So on Sat I was on the floor right after I got my shoes on. But later on
it was same problem as Friday. I got asked more
> than I did, and again there were a few follows I did not get to dance with
that I really wanted to dance with.
>
> What I propose is that community leaders and teachers talk about what
cabaceo is. People don't necessarily have
> to do it on a regular bases, but that all would know what it means if
someone is staring at you and nodding toward
> the dance floor; especially if the person doing it is not known to you.
This isn't an American dance and when someone
> stares at someone it isn't to judge how they're clothed (unless that
judged is on the floor, then they're free-range
> chicken to be critized and complemented all you want, as is often done,
for their shoes, dance style, clothing,
> even hair style. Good O'le gossip).
> Even at home and in Denver I get 90% of my dances using cabaceo. It was
someone extremely brilliant and assuredly a shy person who came up with
asking for dances using eye contact and I wish more people would use it /
understand it.
> Yeah-yeah you can always say get off yer arse and walk up to someone, but
the person saying that doesn't
> necessarily have any insecurities and is probably not a shy one.
> I remember how little I danced when I was still doing ballroom, and
dreaded the walk; I would only ask people from
> my own studio (at social dance events), and rarely asked someone across
the hall. There, of course, isn't cabaceo in
> ballroom; People stand, bow, offer their hand, and ask the woman for a
dance, ideally.
>
> I'm not looking for a ton of people telling me I'm lazy and all that good
List sh*t. I just wanted to offer my perspective
> on the issue and hoping to promote cabaceo a little more.
>
> Ciao
>
> JK of CS
>
>
>
Date: Sun, 25 Jun 2006 03:23:56 +0900
From: "astrid" <astrid@ruby.plala.or.jp>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo and rocket science
To: <dani@tango-la-dolce-vita.eu>, "David Hodgson"
> There is no secret weapon of tango destruction at work here.
>
> Stop making a big ridiculous fuss over what amounts to exactly... and I
mean EXACTLY... the same as casual non-verbal acknowledgement.
>
Well, Dani,
Oscar has been trying for years to teach Japanese the cabeceo. You see
really odd forms here when people try. Weird waves of the hand, pinched
smiles... Japanese culture does not come with meaningful looks into the eyes
unless you are about to walk off together to the next... never mind. (feel
free to ask what behind the scenes)
Does not work. People still bow and/or hold out their hand. Or they say
"odorimasho?".
And I think, rather than all this artificial rehearsed small talk ("Do you
dance close embrace?" "What about open embrace then?" By this time I would
be so put off I wouldn't want to do any embrace at all) , if you want to
make an impression, why don't you just do what any good Neanderthal would
do, bring your club, bash her and drag her off to the dance floor by her
hair..???
Cheers, Dani
Astrid
Date: Sat, 24 Jun 2006 20:07 +0100 (BST)
From: "Chris, UK" <tl2@chrisjj.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
Cc: tl2@chrisjj.com
Dani writes:
> People talk about "learning it"...?????! Learning WHAT?!... learning
> to do what we all do naturally and amthropologically every day of our
> lives?
Yup. Sad, or what?
Rather like evening classes in making love. Where the only required
qualification for successful teaching is the ability to persuade others
that they need the lessons.
You'd think that need too would have died out by natural selection,
wouldn't you? ;)
Yet spatz@tangoDC.com writs:
> Even if all us teachers did our best to teach the cabaceo, it would
> still be two years or so before you'd see the impact on the social
> scene. I'll do my part as often as I can.
If the social scene is so resistant to what all you teachers are trying
their best to feed it, surely that indicates something about the
appropriateness of how you are teaching and what you are teaching.
Please do not tell me this isn't stark staringly obvious.
Chris
-------- Original Message --------
*Subject:* Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
*From:* Club~Tango*La Dolce Vita~ <dani@tango-la-dolce-vita.eu>
*Date:* Sat, 24 Jun 2006 19:00:00 +0100 (BST)
Perfectly right, David. I'm glad someone has sense.
I'm sick to death of hearing all the bleating about this 'Cabaceo' nonsense.
People talk about "learning it"...?????! Learning WHAT?!... learning to do what we all do naturally and amthropologically every day of our lives? i.e. giving a nonchalent acknowledgement of an acquaintance's presence as we happen (often subconsciously) to raise our eyebrows and/or giving a slight nod of the head on noticing them casually walking by on the other side of the street...??? Come on, this is all we're talking about.
There is no secret weapon of tango destruction at work here.
Stop making a big ridiculous fuss over what amounts to exactly... and I mean EXACTLY... the same as casual non-verbal acknowledgement.
Give it a break, eh?
Dani
https://www.tango-la-dolce-vita.eu
David Hodgson <DHodgson@tango777.com> wrote:
Look this is not rocket science, it is easy and as simple as this. Why try
to map this out.
I am a Lead.
You are a Follow.
We dance together in Tango.
What is there to figure out.
D~
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 9:09 PM
To: tango-L@mit.edu
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
JK,
Even if all us teachers did our best to teach the cabaceo, it would
still be two years or so before you'd see the impact on the social
scene. I'll do my part as often as I can. But I really suggest you get
craftier on your end of the equation, if you want things to improve.
Here's a gambit I haven't tried, but will next time I'm out of town...
1.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HER: "No, I'm from out of town."
ME: "Me too, let's dance."
2.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HIM: "Yeah."
ME: "Listen, I'm from Denver, and don't know any of the women here. I'm
also a shy bastard. If I want to dance close embrace, who's good and
will give me a shot?"
HIM: "I often wonder that myself."
ME: "Come on, give me a hand, dude."
HIM: "That one there in the sequins."
ME: "What about open embrace?"
HIM: "Look pal, this ain't Providence."
ME: "Yeah... well, thanks then."
3.
ME: "Hey, nice mustache."
HER: "I beg your pardon?"
ME: "Uh... uh... Didn't I meet you in Denver?"
HER: "Never been."
ME: "Ah. My mistake. I made a mistake, see; I thought you were someone
else, ha ha. Halloween thing, you know. Inside joke. SO, uh, you dance
open?"
HER: "Fuck off."
ME: "Right, so... close?"
HER: "Psssh..."
4.
ME: "Great sequins."
HER: "Thanks."
ME: "You like this song?"
HER: "I could."
ME: "Shall we?"
HER: "You can ask."
ME: "I'm looking you in the eye..."
HER: "I'm looking you back..."
ME: "Wanna dance?"
5.
ME: "Hey, I like your cortinas."
DJ: "Thanks."
ME: "Do you ever dance while you're DJing, or should I resist the
temptation to talk you into it?"
DJ: "No, I just danced. But check back in a tanda or two."
Shy is shy, sure. But are you generally shy, or is it just a dancing
thing? You might be better off making small talk with bystanders and
such folk, rather than just sitting and waiting. If the locals see
you're engaged and personable, they might notice you more. Try to put on
your dance shoes where people can see you, if the event's in a bar or
other public venue, so the locals know you're a dancer. Do whatever else
you can to non-verbally tell people you want to dance. I mean, shit--
you know it's gonna be a challenge, so come up with some solutions. The
cabaceo's just one way to do it.
Hope that helps while we've got the new batch of dancers learning to
shoot their glances--
Jake Spatz
Washington, DC
Tango Mail wrote:
> Yet again, let's talk about the eye game.
>
> I was recently out of town, and experienced something that I've
experienced before in other cities and in Canada.
> People don't know the eye game!
>
> I am a slightly shy person who is a little insecure about his own dancing,
appearance, etc.
> I try to avoid the dreaded "walk" at any costs (When you walk to a woman
to ask them to dance and they decline,
> and you have to walk back; usually you'll see most men plop down beside
that woman to talk to them as making
> it appear talking was the reason they went over in the first place, to
save face).
> As a result I end up only dancing with those who accept my cabaceo or that
I know from before.
> I remember few years back when I went to NY and ended up sitting for 3
hours, before someone I knew from
> Denver showed up, and then I danced the rest of the night not sitting
down.
>
> A little bit back I visited L.A. and went to two milongas; El Adoquin and
El Encuentro. I probably would have sat down
> even longer than I did on Friday, had an unescorted woman not sat down at
my table (place was crowded despite the
> heat and lack of A/C). But after her, it was still a little difficult to
get dances, since I refused to walk across a room to someone. Meanwhile
local guys walked up to a woman a whipped them onto the floor not so much as
asking if
> they wanted to dance. I was asked to dance way more often than I got to
ask a woman.
> There were many follows there that I kept looking at and trying to catch
their eye, but to no avail.
> They either glue their eyes to the floor or when they see you looking
toward them, quickly look the other way.
> And I know some of these women would have wanted to dance with me since
some of them were the ones asking me,
> by walking up to me to ask.
> Saturday was better since I knew Jaimes, the visiting teacher and DJ, and
one of the local women from Denver.
> So on Sat I was on the floor right after I got my shoes on. But later on
it was same problem as Friday. I got asked more
> than I did, and again there were a few follows I did not get to dance with
that I really wanted to dance with.
>
> What I propose is that community leaders and teachers talk about what
cabaceo is. People don't necessarily have
> to do it on a regular bases, but that all would know what it means if
someone is staring at you and nodding toward
> the dance floor; especially if the person doing it is not known to you.
This isn't an American dance and when someone
> stares at someone it isn't to judge how they're clothed (unless that
judged is on the floor, then they're free-range
> chicken to be critized and complemented all you want, as is often done,
for their shoes, dance style, clothing,
> even hair style. Good O'le gossip).
> Even at home and in Denver I get 90% of my dances using cabaceo. It was
someone extremely brilliant and assuredly a shy person who came up with
asking for dances using eye contact and I wish more people would use it /
understand it.
> Yeah-yeah you can always say get off yer arse and walk up to someone, but
the person saying that doesn't
> necessarily have any insecurities and is probably not a shy one.
> I remember how little I danced when I was still doing ballroom, and
dreaded the walk; I would only ask people from
> my own studio (at social dance events), and rarely asked someone across
the hall. There, of course, isn't cabaceo in
> ballroom; People stand, bow, offer their hand, and ask the woman for a
dance, ideally.
>
> I'm not looking for a ton of people telling me I'm lazy and all that good
List sh*t. I just wanted to offer my perspective
> on the issue and hoping to promote cabaceo a little more.
>
> Ciao
>
> JK of CS
>
>
>
Date: Sat, 24 Jun 2006 21:38:52 +0100 (BST)
From: Club~Tango*La Dolce Vita~ <dani@tango-la-dolce-vita.eu>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo and rocket science
To: astrid <astrid@ruby.plala.or.jp>, dani@tango-la-dolce-vita.eu,
Ahaaaah... Astrid-san, gotcha! ;-)
Great! I expected someone might refer to the difference in culture.
Well, having been invloved in the Martial Arts (karate actually) for 34 years (I started as a young kid, I hasten to add :-)) and having been in Japan for Wado Karate World Championships on more than just a couple of occasions, I do - to a limit - know Japanese culture (not as well as you, of course).
I agree also with to what you refer about the Japanese etiquette inherent in their culture (so there's no need for any Japanese tanguero-sans to write in to 'have-a-go' at me). :-0
However, it is scientific anthropological FACT that the inherent method of INTRA-SPECIES (regardless of culture - which is responsible for leading to environment-conditioned traits) non-verbal communication is the raising of the eyebrows often with an ever-so-slight (or more) tiliting/nodding of the head in the direction of the target.
Now, although I stressed "intra-species", it is primarily anthropologically applied to the human species. However, in a zoo in (I think) New York, there was a gorilla displaying many human traits. This was apparently a fascinating discovery. Out of all the human-like traits displayed, this gorilla took the scientific world by storm because of the trait of raising the eyebrows and tilting/nodding the head in recognition/acknowledgement of people (scientists/keepers) it seemingly recognised. The reason is that this trait is not just a cultural one but a - generalised - HUMAN one. Therefore, it is the method by which humans would NATURALLY communicate should all other methods of human communication be compromised.
Incidentally, this gorilla responded very interestingly to tango music. On one occasion, when some tango was being played in the vicinity of the gorilla's enclosure, the gorilla actually grabbed a keeper and proceeded to perform a series of enrosques, sacadas and barridas then entering into a wonderful sequence of giros culminating in the mother of all colgadas (eat you heart out, Chicho!)... to the delight, amazement and glee of the shocked zoo-visitors, some of whom had to be taken away by ambulance and resuscitated because due to over-excitement induced hyperventilation!
Actually, for those gullible members of this List, the last paragraph was all rubbish! >:-)))))
However, there are numerous anthropology research texts and psychology references available - "Manwatching" etc etc etc ... many of which touch on or, in some cases, delve in depth on this subject. I'm sorry, but I don't have any specific references to hand.
In summary, the automatic raising of the eyebrows while (often) simultaneously nodding/tilting the head in the direction of the target person is a normal, natural and inherent human trait INDEPENDENT of internationally differering cultures. [Come to think of it, aren't most of us even on nodding terms with a fried egg in the mornings? See? it crosses all levels :-) ]
Furthermore, it is thus a natural subconscious and/or conscious method of communicating acknowledgement and, depending upon intent, many other emotions/specific information.
I send you a nod of my very best wishes :-)))
Noddy
(aka Dani Iannarelli)
https://www.tango-la-dolce-vita.eu
astrid <astrid@ruby.plala.or.jp> wrote:
> There is no secret weapon of tango destruction at work here.
>
> Stop making a big ridiculous fuss over what amounts to exactly... and I
mean EXACTLY... the same as casual non-verbal acknowledgement.
>
Well, Dani,
Oscar has been trying for years to teach Japanese the cabeceo. You see
really odd forms here when people try. Weird waves of the hand, pinched
smiles... Japanese culture does not come with meaningful looks into the eyes
unless you are about to walk off together to the next... never mind. (feel
free to ask what behind the scenes)
Does not work. People still bow and/or hold out their hand. Or they say
"odorimasho?".
And I think, rather than all this artificial rehearsed small talk ("Do you
dance close embrace?" "What about open embrace then?" By this time I would
be so put off I wouldn't want to do any embrace at all) , if you want to
make an impression, why don't you just do what any good Neanderthal would
do, bring your club, bash her and drag her off to the dance floor by her
hair..???
Cheers, Dani
Astrid
Date: Sun, 25 Jun 2006 10:49:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Trini y Sean \(PATangoS\)" <patangos@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
Hi JK,
Trini, here. As one formerly (painfully) shy and insecure
person to another, I understand your reluctance completely.
Outside of tango, I am actually quite reserved and I am
still not comfortable at parties unless I am with my more
outgoing husband. From my perspective, I was quite glad
that cabeceo was not used in my community when I started
tango. With my Asian upbringing, looking someone directly
in the eye is still uncomfortable.
It took me years to get over my shyness. But overcoming
shyness in tango means overcoming shyness outside of tango.
Here are a few things that might help you or other shy
dancers.
1. Don?t think for a moment that anyone else is better
than you are. They may be better dancers, but they are not
better than you. Being turned down for a dance doesn?t say
anything about who you are. It may say something about
your dancing, but we all have flaws in our dancing. Big
deal.
2. Practice overcoming shyness with strangers. Say
"hello", "thank you", or "have a good day" to your sales
clerk, waitress, mailman, whoever. Or make a comment about
the weather. And smile.
3. After classes or workshops, make a point to say
something to your teacher about something they may have
said that you particularly liked or simply thank them for
the class. I began by attending lunchtime lectures at my
local library. After the lecture, I made sure to thank the
lecturer tell them how much I enjoyed it. Over time, I got
a little braver and related their work to something I was
doing.
4. Quite often people enjoy helping other people, sharing
information, and just being good eggs. The same is
probably true for you. (If someone asked you for
directions, you?d try to help them out, right?) That?s one
reason why Sean?s suggestion of asking questions about them
really works. Ask them about a hobby or a trip they took
or where they bought their shoes or suggestions for a good
restaurant nearby. And pay attention to their answer.
5. When visiting a new city, try to take a class or email
the organizer before your visit about the local milonga
scene.
6. Practice giving without expecting anything in return.
So volunteer for setups or cleanups at milongas (always
appreciated). The insincerity of giving and expecting
something in return is easily spotted. And it makes you
feel good about yourself.
7. If you see a woman and you?re impressed with her
dancing, tell her. But don?t tell her because you want to
get a dance with her then and there (see #6). Just tell
her, anyway. It will help you build the confidence to ask
her or another woman later.
8. Keep working on your basics. The better you are doing
simple steps to the music, the more the ladies will
recommend you to their friends. And the easier it will be
to get dances.
9. The earlier you get to a milonga, the easier it usually
is to ask someone directly to dance (there?s less people so
there?s less likelihood of being turned down). Then there
is also more time for the ladies to recommend you to their
friends. Use the time to settle in and get in the tango
mood.
For myself, the cabeceo usually doesn?t work except with my
regular "dates". Partly because I usually don?t have my
glasses on at milongas, but mostly because I now chat with
people a lot. So the most likely way of getting my
attention is to just come on over and say hello.
Hope this helps,
Trini de Pittsburgh
--- Tango Mail <tango@springssauna.com> wrote:
> Yet again, let's talk about the eye game.
>
> I was recently out of town, and experienced something
> that I've experienced before in other cities and in
> Canada.
> People don't know the eye game!
>
> I am a slightly shy person who is a little insecure about
> his own dancing, appearance, etc.
> I try to avoid the dreaded "walk" at any costs
PATangoS - Pittsburgh Argentine Tango Society
Our Mission: To make Argentine Tango Pittsburgh's most popular social dance.
https://www.pitt.edu/~mcph/PATangoWeb.htm
Date: Mon, 26 Jun 2006 10:00:57 -0700 (MST)
From: Huck Kennedy <huck@eninet.eas.asu.edu>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
Dani Iannarelli writes:
> I'm sick to death of hearing all the bleating about this
> 'Cabaceo' nonsense.
>
> People talk about "learning it"...?????! Learning WHAT?!...
> learning to do what we all do naturally and amthropologically
> every day of our lives? i.e. giving a nonchalent acknowledgement
> of an acquaintance's presence as we happen (often subconsciously)
> to raise our eyebrows and/or giving a slight nod of the head on
> noticing them casually walking by on the other side of the
> street...??? Come on, this is all we're talking about.
Oh yeah sure, that's easy for you to say,
you're Italian. :-)
Huck
Date: Mon, 26 Jun 2006 14:18:03 -0400
From: "Caroline Polack" <runcarolinerun@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
Hey,
I am shy too. If there's anything tango taught me, it's to relax. If you
spend too much time being self-conscious, you're never going to enjoy tango
entirely because you're going to be too tense. Take the focus away from
yourself towards the dance itself and all will fall into place. Smile and
make compliments and always remember to say thank you for the dance. For it
is manners itself that helps everybody feel comfortable around each other.
Caroline
Movies, Music & More! Visit Sympatico / MSN Entertainment
https://entertainment.sympatico.msn.ca/
Date: Mon, 26 Jun 2006 12:37:46 -0700 (PDT)
From: God <bailartangos@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Cabaceo, again
To: tango-l@mit.edu
If someone is painfully shy, I'd recommend joining some groups,
like toastmasters, dance communites, churches, whatever & figger
out some social skills. Go find a place where a passenger train goes
by regularily, & wave at the cars, as they go by. Repeat as necessary.
.
Possibly set a little goal to ask a couple dancers that you don't know,
to dance, each time you go somewhere.
.
Date: Thu, 20 Sep 2007 13:19:50 -0400
From: "Nussbaum, Martin" <mnussbau@law.nyc.gov>
Subject: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo revisited
To: <tango-l@mit.edu>
Cc: nina@earthnet.net
<DDA0C1BA83D32D45ACB965BA82FD81C70196E10A@LAWMNEXV2.LAW.LOCAL>
Nina wrote:
"If someone had offered me to "do a few milongas", I am not sure I would
have answered it any differently than this woman. :)Language holds
power. Never underestimate the power of seduction (salesmanship,
persuasion). This is an example of a failed sales attempt. The man had
2 seconds for a sales pitch and he failed to sell himself and the
experience he was offering to the woman, and she did not want to be a
woman with him."
Okay, Nina, let's digress into a new topic momentarily. My preferred
invite method is always the cabaceo, a custom I love, despite the fact
that many followers in my neck of the woods (NYC ) are unfamiliar with
it, so instead of meeting the eyes of leaders would rather stare at the
floor glumly wondering why they arent dancing. Add in the fact that
milonga hosts in the US strangely insist on keeping the lighting so dark
that you cant see a cabaceo from 10 feet away, let alone across the
room, as you could in the brightly-lit BA milongas. (I always
wondered why they don't want us to see how everyone in the room is
dancing). So, leaders often fall back on a poor alternative to the
cabaceo, the direct verbal invite. Please educate me, Nina, what are
some examples of quality 2 second sales pitches you, or others on this
forum, have heard and accepted? I have experimented with the gallant,
"May I have the honor of this tanda?" To the mundane, "would you like to
dance?", to the direct, "let's dance this one", to the humorous "good
god, woman, its Disarli, how can you possibly sit this one out?" I
would like to expand this repertoire, so if you have cant-miss ideas,
please share.
-Martin Nussbaum
Date: Thu, 20 Sep 2007 12:15:04 -0600
From: Nina Pesochinsky <nina@earthnet.net>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo
revisited
To: "Nussbaum, Martin" <mnussbau@law.nyc.gov>
Cc: tango-l@mit.edu
format="flowed"
Hi, Martin,
Cabeceo is really the only way. It can be delicious and irresistable.
the sales pitch must fit the context. The context here is tango -
intense and intuitive. In addition to that, tango dancers usually
happen to be hypersensitive people. No verbal sales pitch can be as
intuitive as a cabeceo.\
I believe that a verbal invitation is inappropriate to tango, unless
the person who is asking or who is being asked has a vision
inpairment. In that case - "may I dance this tanda with you?" is an
almost full-proof invitation that will result in a yes (please note
that I suggested "may I dance with you?", instead of "woul you like to
dance?")
Again, if there is a vision impairement, there are other creative
things to say to a woman:
- My life will be ruine if you do not dance this tanda with me.
- I may never dance tango again if we do not dance this tanda.
- I had a dream of dancing this exact tanda and the person was you!
- If we dance this now, it could be amazing and unforgettable.
Etc., etc.
Cabeeo is the only way, but if a person cannot see well, the words
must be sensitive and poetic when addressing women. It is an ancient
wisdom that men love with their eyes and women with their ears.
Warm regards,
Nina
Quoting "Nussbaum, Martin" <mnussbau@law.nyc.gov>:
> Nina wrote:
> "If someone had offered me to "do a few milongas", I am not sure I would
> have answered it any differently than this woman. :)Language holds
> power. Never underestimate the power of seduction (salesmanship,
> persuasion). This is an example of a failed sales attempt. The man had
> 2 seconds for a sales pitch and he failed to sell himself and the
> experience he was offering to the woman, and she did not want to be a
> woman with him."
>
> Okay, Nina, let's digress into a new topic momentarily. My preferred
> invite method is always the cabaceo, a custom I love, despite the fact
> that many followers in my neck of the woods (NYC ) are unfamiliar with
> it, so instead of meeting the eyes of leaders would rather stare at the
> floor glumly wondering why they arent dancing. Add in the fact that
> milonga hosts in the US strangely insist on keeping the lighting so dark
> that you cant see a cabaceo from 10 feet away, let alone across the
> room, as you could in the brightly-lit BA milongas. (I always
> wondered why they don't want us to see how everyone in the room is
> dancing). So, leaders often fall back on a poor alternative to the
> cabaceo, the direct verbal invite. Please educate me, Nina, what are
> some examples of quality 2 second sales pitches you, or others on this
> forum, have heard and accepted? I have experimented with the gallant,
> "May I have the honor of this tanda?" To the mundane, "would you like to
> dance?", to the direct, "let's dance this one", to the humorous "good
> god, woman, its Disarli, how can you possibly sit this one out?" I
> would like to expand this repertoire, so if you have cant-miss ideas,
> please share.
> -Martin Nussbaum
>
https://www.earthnet.net Boulder's Premier Datacenter
Date: Thu, 20 Sep 2007 23:25:00 -0600
From: "David Hodgson" <DHodgson@TangoLabyrinth.com>
Subject: [Tango-L] FW: Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo
revisited
Nina;
I do see where you are going with this, and do hear the intent you are
trying to convey. Along with the others in this string.
The cabeceo can be as surface or have the depth and breath of nirvana as any
of the lines you have given.
It's in the understanding and presence of the communication between Lead and
Follow where things really get cooking... or not. (along with a possible
dash of ones eye candy factor).
I have to ask, would any of those lines in and of themselves work with you?
I am including Cabeceo also.
Depends on the guy conveying the line is my thought.
David
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 12:15 PM
To: Nussbaum, Martin
Cc: tango-l@mit.edu
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo revisited
Hi, Martin,
Cabeceo is really the only way. It can be delicious and irresistable.
the sales pitch must fit the context. The context here is tango -
intense and intuitive. In addition to that, tango dancers usually
happen to be hypersensitive people. No verbal sales pitch can be as
intuitive as a cabeceo.\
I believe that a verbal invitation is inappropriate to tango, unless
the person who is asking or who is being asked has a vision
inpairment. In that case - "may I dance this tanda with you?" is an
almost full-proof invitation that will result in a yes (please note
that I suggested "may I dance with you?", instead of "woul you like to
dance?")
Again, if there is a vision impairement, there are other creative
things to say to a woman:
- My life will be ruine if you do not dance this tanda with me.
- I may never dance tango again if we do not dance this tanda.
- I had a dream of dancing this exact tanda and the person was you!
- If we dance this now, it could be amazing and unforgettable.
Etc., etc.
Cabeeo is the only way, but if a person cannot see well, the words
must be sensitive and poetic when addressing women. It is an ancient
wisdom that men love with their eyes and women with their ears.
Warm regards,
Nina
Quoting "Nussbaum, Martin" <mnussbau@law.nyc.gov>:
> Nina wrote:
> "If someone had offered me to "do a few milongas", I am not sure I would
> have answered it any differently than this woman. :)Language holds
> power. Never underestimate the power of seduction (salesmanship,
> persuasion). This is an example of a failed sales attempt. The man had
> 2 seconds for a sales pitch and he failed to sell himself and the
> experience he was offering to the woman, and she did not want to be a
> woman with him."
>
> Okay, Nina, let's digress into a new topic momentarily. My preferred
> invite method is always the cabaceo, a custom I love, despite the fact
> that many followers in my neck of the woods (NYC ) are unfamiliar with
> it, so instead of meeting the eyes of leaders would rather stare at the
> floor glumly wondering why they arent dancing. Add in the fact that
> milonga hosts in the US strangely insist on keeping the lighting so dark
> that you cant see a cabaceo from 10 feet away, let alone across the
> room, as you could in the brightly-lit BA milongas. (I always
> wondered why they don't want us to see how everyone in the room is
> dancing). So, leaders often fall back on a poor alternative to the
> cabaceo, the direct verbal invite. Please educate me, Nina, what are
> some examples of quality 2 second sales pitches you, or others on this
> forum, have heard and accepted? I have experimented with the gallant,
> "May I have the honor of this tanda?" To the mundane, "would you like to
> dance?", to the direct, "let's dance this one", to the humorous "good
> god, woman, its Disarli, how can you possibly sit this one out?" I
> would like to expand this repertoire, so if you have cant-miss ideas,
> please share.
> -Martin Nussbaum
>
https://www.earthnet.net Boulder's Premier Datacenter
Date: Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:14:53 +0900
From: "Astrid" <astrid@ruby.plala.or.jp>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo
revisited
To: "Nina Pesochinsky" <nina@earthnet.net>, "Nussbaum, Martin"
<mnussbau@law.nyc.gov>
Cc: tango-l@mit.edu
Nina wrote:
"may I dance this tanda with you?" is an
> almost full-proof invitation that will result in a yes (please note
> that I suggested "may I dance with you?", instead of "woul you like to
> dance?"
> Again, if there is a vision impairement, there are other creative
> things to say to a woman:
> - My life will be ruine if you do not dance this tanda with me.
> - I may never dance tango again if we do not dance this tanda.
> - I had a dream of dancing this exact tanda and the person was you!
> - If we dance this now, it could be amazing and unforgettable.
> Etc., etc.
> Cabeeo is the only way, but if a person cannot see well, the words
> must be sensitive and poetic when addressing women.
Frankly, I fail to understand where the problem is. In my experience, most
invitations to dance are extended silently anyway, whether it be cabeceo,
approaching my table with a smile and a nod when I notice him coming, an
outstretched hand or whatever. I will accept
-if I know the man from tango and like him
-if I know him as a reasonably good dancer
-if he is attractive
-if he looks like a talented beginner
I will not accept
-if I know the man and dislike him
-if I have danced with him before or watched him with other women and know
-that he is a bad dancer
-that his hold is uncomfortable
-that he has no sense of rhythm and they are playing a milonga or some other
really enchating music
-that he is on the prowl rather than there to dance and everyone has been
turning him down
-or if he is dressed/groomed in a way showing disrespect to the tango
In all these cases, it does not really make any difference WHAT the man says
to me.
Girls, watch the guys dance before you accept an invitation. Who wants to
buy a cat in the sack and then end up with an unpleasant, unnecessary
experience, and have to patiently hang in there for at least 3 minutes
unless you want to make a spectacle of yourself?
When a man walks up to my table, I have usually seen him already. And Nina,
I agree that women may love with their ears, but in a milonga it is the eyes
and the body- unless they fall in love with the music.
Facit: an invitation to dance (and it's acceptance) is not an act of
cerebral cleverness and glib or romantic seduction. It is usually the result
of a chain of preceding events. .
Date: Fri, 21 Sep 2007 09:00:01 -0600
From: Nina Pesochinsky <nina@earthnet.net>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo
revisited
To: tango-l@mit.edu
Astrid,
And when do you want to dance, but "not as a woman" (since this is
what the discussion is about)?
Nina
At 04:14 AM 9/21/2007, Astrid wrote:
>Frankly, I fail to understand where the problem is. In my experience, most
>invitations to dance are extended silently anyway, whether it be cabeceo,
>approaching my table with a smile and a nod when I notice him coming, an
>outstretched hand or whatever. I will accept
>-if I know the man from tango and like him
>-if I know him as a reasonably good dancer
>-if he is attractive
>-if he looks like a talented beginner
>
>I will not accept
>-if I know the man and dislike him
>-if I have danced with him before or watched him with other women and know
> -that he is a bad dancer
>-that his hold is uncomfortable
>-that he has no sense of rhythm and they are playing a milonga or some other
>really enchating music
>-that he is on the prowl rather than there to dance and everyone has been
>turning him down
>-or if he is dressed/groomed in a way showing disrespect to the tango
>
>In all these cases, it does not really make any difference WHAT the man says
>to me.
>Girls, watch the guys dance before you accept an invitation. Who wants to
>buy a cat in the sack and then end up with an unpleasant, unnecessary
>experience, and have to patiently hang in there for at least 3 minutes
>unless you want to make a spectacle of yourself?
>When a man walks up to my table, I have usually seen him already. And Nina,
>I agree that women may love with their ears, but in a milonga it is the eyes
>and the body- unless they fall in love with the music.
>Facit: an invitation to dance (and it's acceptance) is not an act of
>cerebral cleverness and glib or romantic seduction. It is usually the result
>of a chain of preceding events. .
>
Date: Fri, 21 Sep 2007 10:28:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: steve pastor <tang0man2005@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo
revisited
To: tango-l@mit.edu
How about when you don't want to follow, but want to lead?
reference my post in the "Who's leading" thread
Nina Pesochinsky <nina@earthnet.net> wrote:
Astrid,
And when do you want to dance, but "not as a woman" (since this is
what the discussion is about)?
Nina
At 04:14 AM 9/21/2007, Astrid wrote:
>Frankly, I fail to understand where the problem is. In my experience, most
>invitations to dance are extended silently anyway, whether it be cabeceo,
>approaching my table with a smile and a nod when I notice him coming, an
>outstretched hand or whatever. I will accept
>-if I know the man from tango and like him
>-if I know him as a reasonably good dancer
>-if he is attractive
>-if he looks like a talented beginner
>
>I will not accept
>-if I know the man and dislike him
>-if I have danced with him before or watched him with other women and know
> -that he is a bad dancer
>-that his hold is uncomfortable
>-that he has no sense of rhythm and they are playing a milonga or some other
>really enchating music
>-that he is on the prowl rather than there to dance and everyone has been
>turning him down
>-or if he is dressed/groomed in a way showing disrespect to the tango
>
>In all these cases, it does not really make any difference WHAT the man says
>to me.
>Girls, watch the guys dance before you accept an invitation. Who wants to
>buy a cat in the sack and then end up with an unpleasant, unnecessary
>experience, and have to patiently hang in there for at least 3 minutes
>unless you want to make a spectacle of yourself?
>When a man walks up to my table, I have usually seen him already. And Nina,
>I agree that women may love with their ears, but in a milonga it is the eyes
>and the body- unless they fall in love with the music.
>Facit: an invitation to dance (and it's acceptance) is not an act of
>cerebral cleverness and glib or romantic seduction. It is usually the result
>of a chain of preceding events. .
>
Don't let your dream ride pass you by. Make it a reality with Yahoo! Autos.
Date: Sat, 22 Sep 2007 02:54:16 +0900
From: "Astrid" <astrid@ruby.plala.or.jp>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo
revisited
To: "steve pastor" <tang0man2005@yahoo.com>, <tango-l@mit.edu>
I only want to lead in real life. Tango is the ideal world where I get a
break from all that... ; )
Sent: Saturday, September 22, 2007 2:28 AM
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo revisited
> How about when you don't want to follow, but want to lead?
> reference my post in the "Who's leading" thread
>
>
>
> Nina Pesochinsky <nina@earthnet.net> wrote:
> Astrid,
>
> And when do you want to dance, but "not as a woman" (since this is
> what the discussion is about)?
>
> Nina
>
>
>
> At 04:14 AM 9/21/2007, Astrid wrote:
>
>>Frankly, I fail to understand where the problem is. In my experience, most
>>invitations to dance are extended silently anyway, whether it be cabeceo,
>>approaching my table with a smile and a nod when I notice him coming, an
>>outstretched hand or whatever. I will accept
>>-if I know the man from tango and like him
>>-if I know him as a reasonably good dancer
>>-if he is attractive
>>-if he looks like a talented beginner
>>
>>I will not accept
>>-if I know the man and dislike him
>>-if I have danced with him before or watched him with other women and know
>> -that he is a bad dancer
>>-that his hold is uncomfortable
>>-that he has no sense of rhythm and they are playing a milonga or some
>>other
>>really enchating music
>>-that he is on the prowl rather than there to dance and everyone has been
>>turning him down
>>-or if he is dressed/groomed in a way showing disrespect to the tango
>>
>>In all these cases, it does not really make any difference WHAT the man
>>says
>>to me.
>>Girls, watch the guys dance before you accept an invitation. Who wants to
>>buy a cat in the sack and then end up with an unpleasant, unnecessary
>>experience, and have to patiently hang in there for at least 3 minutes
>>unless you want to make a spectacle of yourself?
>>When a man walks up to my table, I have usually seen him already. And
>>Nina,
>>I agree that women may love with their ears, but in a milonga it is the
>>eyes
>>and the body- unless they fall in love with the music.
>>Facit: an invitation to dance (and it's acceptance) is not an act of
>>cerebral cleverness and glib or romantic seduction. It is usually the
>>result
>>of a chain of preceding events. .
>>
>
>
>
>
> Don't let your dream ride pass you by. Make it a reality with Yahoo!
> Autos.
>
Date: Sun, 23 Sep 2007 14:50:18 -0600
From: Nina Pesochinsky <nina@earthnet.net>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] FW: Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo
revisited
Hi, David,
My first response to what works with me was "Nothing!!!". Then I
thought about it. The cabeceo works when I have an intention of
dancing. This really is the best way - mysterious and
engaging. However, if I am doing other things, then I am not looking.
In the past, just dragging me to the dance floor without words has
been successful for some and rather impressive to me (made me think
of the "Taming of the Shrew" with Liz Taylor and Richard Burton), but
strangers would be risking their lives. This is only for the brave
and fearless men who think that they know me.
Then there is the ration between the DJ factor and the grouchiness
factor. If the DJ is playing good music, anything might work really
well with me - words or no words. If the DJ is playing something
strange, my grouchiness factor goes up and that's when nothing works
because I get to annoyed to dance.
If the person is sitting with me, then something impish could be good
and the cabeceo becomes very wonderful.
You see, invitation is important as well as a proper response to
it. And there are so many possibilities!
Warm regards,
Nina
At 11:25 PM 9/20/2007, David Hodgson wrote:
>I have to ask, would any of those lines in and of themselves work with you?
>I am including Cabeceo also.
>Depends on the guy conveying the line is my thought.
>
>David
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: tango-l-bounces@mit.edu [mailto:tango-l-bounces@mit.edu] On Behalf Of
>Nina Pesochinsky
>Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 12:15 PM
>To: Nussbaum, Martin
>Cc: tango-l@mit.edu
>Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo revisited
>
>Hi, Martin,
>
>Cabeceo is really the only way. It can be delicious and irresistable.
> the sales pitch must fit the context. The context here is tango -
>intense and intuitive. In addition to that, tango dancers usually
>happen to be hypersensitive people. No verbal sales pitch can be as
>intuitive as a cabeceo.\
>
>I believe that a verbal invitation is inappropriate to tango, unless
>the person who is asking or who is being asked has a vision
>inpairment. In that case - "may I dance this tanda with you?" is an
>almost full-proof invitation that will result in a yes (please note
>that I suggested "may I dance with you?", instead of "woul you like to
>dance?")
>
>Again, if there is a vision impairement, there are other creative
>things to say to a woman:
>- My life will be ruine if you do not dance this tanda with me.
>- I may never dance tango again if we do not dance this tanda.
>- I had a dream of dancing this exact tanda and the person was you!
>- If we dance this now, it could be amazing and unforgettable.
>
>Etc., etc.
>
>Cabeeo is the only way, but if a person cannot see well, the words
>must be sensitive and poetic when addressing women. It is an ancient
>wisdom that men love with their eyes and women with their ears.
>
>Warm regards,
>
>Nina
>
>Quoting "Nussbaum, Martin" <mnussbau@law.nyc.gov>:
>
> > Nina wrote:
> > "If someone had offered me to "do a few milongas", I am not sure I would
> > have answered it any differently than this woman. :)Language holds
> > power. Never underestimate the power of seduction (salesmanship,
> > persuasion). This is an example of a failed sales attempt. The man had
> > 2 seconds for a sales pitch and he failed to sell himself and the
> > experience he was offering to the woman, and she did not want to be a
> > woman with him."
> >
> > Okay, Nina, let's digress into a new topic momentarily. My preferred
> > invite method is always the cabaceo, a custom I love, despite the fact
> > that many followers in my neck of the woods (NYC ) are unfamiliar with
> > it, so instead of meeting the eyes of leaders would rather stare at the
> > floor glumly wondering why they arent dancing. Add in the fact that
> > milonga hosts in the US strangely insist on keeping the lighting so dark
> > that you cant see a cabaceo from 10 feet away, let alone across the
> > room, as you could in the brightly-lit BA milongas. (I always
> > wondered why they don't want us to see how everyone in the room is
> > dancing). So, leaders often fall back on a poor alternative to the
> > cabaceo, the direct verbal invite. Please educate me, Nina, what are
> > some examples of quality 2 second sales pitches you, or others on this
> > forum, have heard and accepted? I have experimented with the gallant,
> > "May I have the honor of this tanda?" To the mundane, "would you like to
> > dance?", to the direct, "let's dance this one", to the humorous "good
> > god, woman, its Disarli, how can you possibly sit this one out?" I
> > would like to expand this repertoire, so if you have cant-miss ideas,
> > please share.
> > -Martin Nussbaum
> >
>
>
>
>https://www.earthnet.net Boulder's Premier Datacenter
>
>
>
>
Date: Sun, 23 Sep 2007 15:10:57 -0700
From: "Igor Polk" <ipolk@virtuar.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] FW: Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo
revisited
Yes, Nina, I second that.
Igor Polk
Date: Tue, 25 Sep 2007 21:15:22 -0600
From: "David Hodgson" <DHodgson@TangoLabyrinth.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] FW: Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo
revisited
Nina:
I had to meditate on this as well for a bit.
You are absolutely right on about cabeceo working when you have the
intention of dancing. Which is why we do this in the first place.
Cabeceo can be done from a distance, you can find out who is aware or not,
it is easy to turn down or accept a dance. There is so much communication
that happens in that short span that is the cabeceo (is this is a nice
friendly exchange or are I and the follow undressing each other in plain
sight). A whole lot of reasons for cabeceo.
However if the follow is engaged in other things it is either because she is
aware of this (IE: Engaged in conversation or ignoring an invitation). Or
she is not aware (IE: some where else or not aware of what is happening
around her). This is true for the Lead as well.
I like the movie Taming of the shrew a whole lot. With Richard and Liz,
possibly one of their best movies. But in taking this theme.
What is scary about asking the Follow to dance, stranger or not. To stand at
the edge of that veil and wonder what is truly on the other side of what she
may bring into the dance with me. It could be a very sharp dagger aimed
deadly at my throat, heart and manhood. Possibly a simple conversation over
coffee or wine. Could even be an invitation to intimate pleasure. Or even a
nice way to say hello, let's have a nice social dance.
With Cabeceo, it is to find out. I know what my eye sees, trust what my
instincts tell me, and choose who is open to me. Is there any science to
this, yes a little. But no one needs to spend too much time figuring this
out.
It is not my concern if the Follow is grouchy or feeling anything else, that
is her business.
Mine is to ask for the dance. If she accepts, Great!! If she happens to be
grouchy, I will do what I can to lead her to a place where she can breath,
or perhaps be impish. Regardless of any mask she shows, I am the lead. I say
yes to her mask and request that she take a step. I only ask a simple clear
response and presence from her.
She accepts an invitation or she does not. If she gives me a clear response,
this response is not personal, it is just a response. If she is otherwise
engaged or unaware I can try one more time, but if I still get the same
results. I can enjoy the music, talk with a friend, have a drink, watch the
other dancers, I can also ask another follow.
All of this in Cabeceo.
I could not help but include something from the bard. Which could be looked
at as a verbal Cabeceo.
(Note to the guys: It helps to scan quickly, in finding something of
interest).
PETRUCHIO
Come, come, you wasp; i' faith, you are too angry.
KATHARINA
If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
PETRUCHIO
My remedy is then, to pluck it out.
KATHARINA
Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies,
PETRUCHIO
Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail.
KATHARINA
In his tongue.
PETRUCHIO
Whose tongue?
KATHARINA
Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell.
PETRUCHIO
What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, come again,
Good Kate; I am a gentleman.
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2007 2:50 PM
To: Tango L list
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] FW: Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo
revisited
Hi, David,
My first response to what works with me was "Nothing!!!". Then I
thought about it. The cabeceo works when I have an intention of
dancing. This really is the best way - mysterious and
engaging. However, if I am doing other things, then I am not looking.
In the past, just dragging me to the dance floor without words has
been successful for some and rather impressive to me (made me think
of the "Taming of the Shrew" with Liz Taylor and Richard Burton), but
strangers would be risking their lives. This is only for the brave
and fearless men who think that they know me.
Then there is the ration between the DJ factor and the grouchiness
factor. If the DJ is playing good music, anything might work really
well with me - words or no words. If the DJ is playing something
strange, my grouchiness factor goes up and that's when nothing works
because I get to annoyed to dance.
If the person is sitting with me, then something impish could be good
and the cabeceo becomes very wonderful.
You see, invitation is important as well as a proper response to
it. And there are so many possibilities!
Warm regards,
Nina
At 11:25 PM 9/20/2007, David Hodgson wrote:
>I have to ask, would any of those lines in and of themselves work with you?
>I am including Cabeceo also.
>Depends on the guy conveying the line is my thought.
>
>David
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: tango-l-bounces@mit.edu [mailto:tango-l-bounces@mit.edu] On Behalf Of
>Nina Pesochinsky
>Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 12:15 PM
>To: Nussbaum, Martin
>Cc: tango-l@mit.edu
>Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo revisited
>
>Hi, Martin,
>
>Cabeceo is really the only way. It can be delicious and irresistable.
> the sales pitch must fit the context. The context here is tango -
>intense and intuitive. In addition to that, tango dancers usually
>happen to be hypersensitive people. No verbal sales pitch can be as
>intuitive as a cabeceo.\
>
>I believe that a verbal invitation is inappropriate to tango, unless
>the person who is asking or who is being asked has a vision
>inpairment. In that case - "may I dance this tanda with you?" is an
>almost full-proof invitation that will result in a yes (please note
>that I suggested "may I dance with you?", instead of "woul you like to
>dance?")
>
>Again, if there is a vision impairement, there are other creative
>things to say to a woman:
>- My life will be ruine if you do not dance this tanda with me.
>- I may never dance tango again if we do not dance this tanda.
>- I had a dream of dancing this exact tanda and the person was you!
>- If we dance this now, it could be amazing and unforgettable.
>
>Etc., etc.
>
>Cabeeo is the only way, but if a person cannot see well, the words
>must be sensitive and poetic when addressing women. It is an ancient
>wisdom that men love with their eyes and women with their ears.
>
>Warm regards,
>
>Nina
>
>Quoting "Nussbaum, Martin" <mnussbau@law.nyc.gov>:
>
> > Nina wrote:
> > "If someone had offered me to "do a few milongas", I am not sure I would
> > have answered it any differently than this woman. :)Language holds
> > power. Never underestimate the power of seduction (salesmanship,
> > persuasion). This is an example of a failed sales attempt. The man had
> > 2 seconds for a sales pitch and he failed to sell himself and the
> > experience he was offering to the woman, and she did not want to be a
> > woman with him."
> >
> > Okay, Nina, let's digress into a new topic momentarily. My preferred
> > invite method is always the cabaceo, a custom I love, despite the fact
> > that many followers in my neck of the woods (NYC ) are unfamiliar with
> > it, so instead of meeting the eyes of leaders would rather stare at the
> > floor glumly wondering why they arent dancing. Add in the fact that
> > milonga hosts in the US strangely insist on keeping the lighting so dark
> > that you cant see a cabaceo from 10 feet away, let alone across the
> > room, as you could in the brightly-lit BA milongas. (I always
> > wondered why they don't want us to see how everyone in the room is
> > dancing). So, leaders often fall back on a poor alternative to the
> > cabaceo, the direct verbal invite. Please educate me, Nina, what are
> > some examples of quality 2 second sales pitches you, or others on this
> > forum, have heard and accepted? I have experimented with the gallant,
> > "May I have the honor of this tanda?" To the mundane, "would you like to
> > dance?", to the direct, "let's dance this one", to the humorous "good
> > god, woman, its Disarli, how can you possibly sit this one out?" I
> > would like to expand this repertoire, so if you have cant-miss ideas,
> > please share.
> > -Martin Nussbaum
> >
>
>
>
>https://www.earthnet.net Boulder's Premier Datacenter
>
>
>
>
Date: Sat, 13 Jun 2009 18:25:53 EDT
From: DocDAS@aol.com
Subject: [Tango-L] The Optimum Lighting For the Cabaceo or Should You
Cabaceo or Fornicate
Ta wrote:
The "barn" was so dark last year that you could have fornicated in
> the corner without much notice or attention. I wasn't even able to
make
> a cabeceo work from 10-feet away, so I left after one or two tandas of
> dancing and lots of sitting.
"Fornicating in the corner!!" Now that's the kind of milongat where the
cabaceo is definitely passe. I'd advise you to bring a flashlight of even
better a miners helmets to these darkly lit milongas! Or wear a button saying
'I give Cabeceo'!! I'd also advise you to see your ophthalmologist and have
your 'nigh vision' checked. Eating lots of carrots is also helpful .Lighten
Up!
Dan
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