570  Refusing to Dance

Date: Wed, 29 May 2002 12:50:18 +1000
From: John Lowry <john@LOWRY.COM.AU>
Subject: Refusing to Dance

After grappling with the issue of accepting ladies' invitations to dance I
have made my own rule. Out of respect for my own wife, when we attend a
milonga together, I will not usually accept an invitation from another lady
other than a close friend, or invite another lady to dance, unless my wife
has been invited by another man to dance, or if she suggests that I invite
so-and-so friend who has been sitting for a while. It is the least courtesy
that a gentleman can pay to the lady that he brings to the dance. Tango is
a dance filled with etiquette, manners and grace. It is not a free-for-all.
Both sexes should respect others' space with some common courtesy.
I am not immune to the difficulties of single people wanting to dance when
there are not sufficient partners, but each of us has to deal with our own
situation. Of course it is different at classes and practicas where it is
accepted that dancers mix for the learning experience.
I trust my comment adds constructively to the debate.
Regards,
Tango Abrazo

Date: Wed, 29 May 2002 08:34:11 +0200
From: Christian Lüthen <christian.luethen@GMX.NET>
Subject: Re: Refusing to Dance

In Buenos Aires, in this case, another man who'd like to invite your wife to
for a dance would first ask you wether you'd agree with him inviting her to
dance. So much about ettiquette.

Allthough those strict rules apply for Tango in Buenos Aires I'd say that
allthough I love dancing in Buenos Aires Tango's developement is not yet
finished yet. Here in Europe, once *again* Tango is in a strong evolution curve,
bringing it behind it's old frontiers. People here, esp. in the netherlands as
I experienced it after moving here, go out _to dance_. Dancing with someone
else than the person you came with to an milonga does imply any infidelity at
all! Of course you have to know and fell where the borders are, allways also
depending on you and the potential dancing partner and the lady you brough
along to the milonga. If she's your wife, IMHO she should be able to trust you
no matter whom your dancing with. [A german saying applies: "Your appetite
you can get anywhere, but you'll eat at home!"] And you'd probably leave with
your wife ... .

One other thing to consider: Consider you brought along a lady to a milonga
and you both asume that the partner would expect the other one to follow
these ancient rules ... but both of you would really like to have dance with
other nice dancers and danceresses: You'd both be unhappy! You'd both not get
what you'd love to. By strictly applying the ancient rules you'll extremely
limit yourself. ... You can still both take care of each other when you bring
yourselves home!

Christian


P.S.: Perhaps the above said is a reason why those tango marathons are
sooooo successfull around here: People come to dance, dance, dance, dance, dance,
..., DANCE!!!

> After grappling with the issue of accepting ladies' invitations to dance I
> have made my own rule. Out of respect for my own wife, when we attend a
> milonga together, I will not usually accept an invitation from another
> lady
> other than a close friend, or invite another lady to dance, unless my wife
> has been invited by another man to dance, or if she suggests that I invite
> so-and-so friend who has been sitting for a while. It is the least
> courtesy
> that a gentleman can pay to the lady that he brings to the dance. Tango
> is
> a dance filled with etiquette, manners and grace. It is not a
> free-for-all.

> Both sexes should respect others' space with some common courtesy.
> I am not immune to the difficulties of single people wanting to dance when
> there are not sufficient partners, but each of us has to deal with our own
> situation. Of course it is different at classes and practicas where it is
> accepted that dancers mix for the learning experience.
> I trust my comment adds constructively to the debate.
> Regards,
> Tango Abrazo
>

--
just my personal 50th of an Euro
christian.luethen@gmx.net
How inappropriate to call this planet earth ...
... as clearly it is ocean!




GMX - Die Kommunikationsplattform im Internet.
https://www.gmx.net

Date: Wed, 29 May 2002 07:03:00 -0700
From: Jai Jeffryes <doktordogg@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Re: Refusing to Dance

--- John Lowry <john@LOWRY.COM.AU> wrote:

> After grappling with the issue of accepting ladies'
> invitations to dance I
> have made my own rule. Out of respect for my own
> wife, when we attend a
> milonga together, I will not usually accept an
> invitation from another lady
> other than a close friend, or invite another lady to
> dance, unless my wife
> has been invited by another man to dance, or if she
> suggests that I invite
> so-and-so friend who has been sitting for a while.

John,

Yours was an excellent letter. I especially liked
your comment that it's not a "free for all". I think
the etiquette you describe is considerate and sure to
provide the most possible enjoyment for you and your
companion.

When I attend a milonga with my girlfriend, we are
there primarily to dance with one another. Sometimes
we dance with others, too. Sometimes it's more of a
date and we just want to spend time together.

I have one question for you. When you and your wife
are ready to dance with other partners, how do you
communicate that? If I see a couple sitting together,
I don't go invite the woman to dance. Likewise, if my
girlfriend and I are making the milonga a date between
us, I decline invitations. Men sometimes invite my
girlfriend with my permission. I think that shows a
lot of class. How do you indicate that you are
receptive to men extending an invitation to your
partner before you go ahead and seek one of your own?

Jai

Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 17:42:08 +1000
From: John Lowry <john@LOWRY.COM.AU>
Subject: Refusing to Dance

Jai writes...
I have one question for you. When you and your wife
are ready to dance with other partners, how do you
communicate that? If I see a couple sitting together,
I don't go invite the woman to dance. Likewise, if my
girlfriend and I are making the milonga a date between
us, I decline invitations. Men sometimes invite my
girlfriend with my permission. I think that shows a
lot of class. How do you indicate that you are
receptive to men extending an invitation to your
partner before you go ahead and seek one of your own?


It would be unusual for a man to refuse to allow his partner to dance. Our
conventions are much the same as the US, so it is a polite convention, but
it is really her call and most men would not be shy to ask. As with most
places, we are friendly with most of the local people so we dance amongst
our friends. Often visitors will approach her to dance because she is a
very good dancer and she rarely refuses. It seems to work for us.
Abrazos,
John