2413  Strong women

Date: Tue, 27 Apr 2004 08:54:35 -0500
From: donnay@DONNAY.NET
Subject: Strong women

And Another Thing!!
(caution - rant mode enabled)
Ladies, if there are men who don't dance with you because you are a strong
woman, with your own opinions and demands - so what?? You're not missing
anything. It is likely that they are not very good dancers - how could they
be? They obviously don't "get" tango!

This is how I would describe them - They're not dancing with women who stand
up for themselves. They have had their egos bruised with some truths about
their dancing, and rather than fix it they choose their partners by how
compliant and sweet they are, not how good they are. They expect their
followers to know (and just do) the patterns, steps and embellishments so
they don't have to lead them. Doesn't sound like fun to me!

Lois, Mpls

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Discussion of Any Aspect of the Argentine Tango
> [mailto:TANGO-L@MITVMA.MIT.EDU] On Behalf Of Lois Donnay
> Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2004 8:10 AM
> To: TANGO-L@MITVMA.MIT.EDU
> Subject: Re: [TANGO-L] Breaking Tradition. (??)
>
>
> > Breaking tradition? What tradition? In all my life, I have never
> > been forced to move backwards so much in time as when I took on
> > Argentine tango, and had to play "the woman's part". Speak, a woman
> > does not think, a woman does not attempt to do things on her own, a
> > woman has no right to complain, and a woman sits pretty, shows
> > cleavage, smiles coyly and waits for her knight in shining armour to
> > show up...
>
> What?!? I don't know about every community, but in the ones I'm
> familiar with, including (and especially) Bs.As., just look around at
> the best female dancers. Sit pretty? Not complain? Smile coyly and
> wait? Not on your life.
>
> This is one of the major misconceptions in tango - I have women tell
> me "I don't think I'd like tango - I'm too strong of a women to just
> be led all the time." Myself, I find a strength, freedom and power in
> following tango that I don't find in other dances, where a man
> abdicates his responsibility to lead by making the women learn her
> half of the pattern. Much of that is derived from the freedom to not
> accept dances from leaders who are not acceptable, for
> whatever reason the woman chooses.
>
> Lois, Mpls
>

Date: Tue, 27 Apr 2004 10:32:26 EDT
From: LGMoseley@AOL.COM
Subject: Re: Strong women

As a leader, I have to agree with this part of the 'strong women' theme. Men
should not expect women to know the figures that the men happen to know or
like. The men should *indicate* the figures that they want done.

Of course, it is not only men who can be bad dancers. There are also plenty
of ladies who will try to do their own thing whatever the man is leading.

However, neither of these points are of the essence. The essence is that
tango is a conversation between two bodies, without words. The men should be
tempting or inviting (not bullying or forcing) the lady in a given direction. The
ladies should be listening and responding. Indeed, often the men can quite
consciously indicate what I call an "over to you", i.e. inviting the lady to do
what she wants to do consonant with the music, the nature of the navigation
hazards, and general politeness. He will often get a frisson of pleasure from what
results from this "over to you".

As ever, "the man indicates, the lady leads, the man follows".

Laurie
In a message dated 27/04/2004 15:19:52 GMT Daylight Time, donnay@DONNAY.NET
writes:

> And Another Thing!!
> (caution - rant mode enabled)
> Ladies, if there are men who don't dance with you because you are a strong
> woman, with your own opinions and demands - so what?? You're not missing
> anything. It is likely that they are not very good dancers - how could they
> be? They obviously don't "get" tango!
>
> This is how I would describe them - They're not dancing with women who stand
> up for themselves. They have had their egos bruised with some truths about
> their dancing, and rather than fix it they choose their partners by how
> compliant and sweet they are, not how good they are. They expect their
> followers to know (and just do) the patterns, steps and embellishments so
> they don't have to lead them. Doesn't sound like fun to me!
>
> Lois, Mpls
>