632  Women asking men, revisited

Date: Mon, 24 Jun 2002 10:20:31 -0400
From: Robinne Gray <rlg2@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Women asking men, revisited

Wow, the weekend's digest of Tango-L brought a distinct change in the
content of this topic. In years past, it was often the women themselves
defending the old codes. This time around I was happy to hear from a
handful of other women who dislike the passivity and frustration of waiting
to be asked, or more specifically feeling that one MUST wait to be asked,
or risk being socially stigmatized as "too aggressive" or "not womanly" or
some such.

My sense is that the people who mind a woman initiating an invitation are
in the minority--they're just vocal. I ask men to dance on a regular basis,
unless they distinctly appear to be purists from an older generation, and
it's really not a big deal. In fact I think most men are flattered, which
they should be, because each invitation to dance by its very nature
contains an inherent compliment to the invitee.

Because most milongas (the ones I know of, anyway) draw more women than
men, I think it's a valid concern that if too may women started doing the
asking the tone could get very competitive and unpleasant, with the women
"predators" practically pushing each other out of the way to vie for the
guys. So you still have to use your judgment and exercise good social
grace. But you don't have to sit on the sidelines all night waiting to be
asked just because some nameless faceless somebody thinks you should.

~Robinne
Ithaca, NY