1352  Generated discussion

Date: Wed, 4 Jun 2003 03:42:42 -0700
From: Gary Fay <gtf_ctim@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Generated discussion

Hmmmm,

Maybe that came out wrong. I dance in several
communities, luckily the TANGO community here in RDU /
NC is full of wonderful people, as are most
communities. Most of the uglyness comes in Bars where
the agenda very well may be more than dancing.

I was initially trained in some ballroom and moved to
C&W. Most of the rude behavior was observed there. And
yes it is rude to refuse to dance a song and then
dance immediately with someone else, sit out the song.
As for little white lie, what is the point, it is well
known as soon as you stand up. Now I would dance with
these 'ladies' again if they were to ask but why on
earth would I go over and put myself on the line to
ask again when such behavior occurs. There are other
people waiting for a dance. I would let them sit while
I dance with people who, 1 helped me learn, 2 are new,
3 have already shown how friendly they are ... and do
accept invitation to dance. It may be very ugly but I
have to laugh when they start complaining that they
are sitting.

My feeling on this, "if you are refusing dances then
why on earth are they complaining that you are not
dancing or when it seems there are not enough
leaders." Same thing goes for those who present the
attitude "that they are wonderful and you are not." I
try to help beginners, may not be perfect but try not
to refuse the dance. When the follower improves, well
I am happy to tell them how much progress they have
made. One of the biggest reasons I cringe is the exact
"punishment analogy" another individual made. When I
dance with a beginner and it isnt perfect a "more
elegant" dancer (when they don't know me) would refuse
the invitation to dance because what they saw was not
perfect. I have seen that enough to know it happens in
many dance communities / styles, CW, ballroom. Some
people are so hung up on presentation that they forget
the people element. 7;-D

(I am going to stress again, the Tango community in
RTP has been very friendly!)

Gary