5654 Is it Balls, or just
Date: Fri, 05 Jun 2009 15:33:11 -0400
From: Ilene Marder <imhmedia@yahoo.com>
Subject: [Tango-L] Refusing a dance... <was Re: Is it Balls, or just
a Heel?>
Cc: robin tara <robinctara@gmail.com>, Jack Dylan
<jackdylan007@yahoo.com>
yes Jack, thanks...but I didn't give the first guy I turned down a
reason, nor do I think it is necessary. I just smiled and said "not
right now thanks". That should be enough... I donlt think anyone has to
explain why they don't want to dance with a particular person at that
moment. The best thing is for the guy to be gracious and ask another
time/night. If she still doesn't want to dance, well then, she's
probably telling you something and it's up to you whether you want to
ask again.
Cabaceo of course solves all of this and even in small communities it
can work very well.
I.
and PS I myself have turned down dances with people when I was on the
way out...only to find myself still there an hour later, talking with
friends who just arrived maybe even dancing- ...so I don't think people
should take this so personally!
>>Robin,
>>
>>I did say ... "without a good reason" and Ilene gave a perfect answer ...
>>
>>"I just tell the dancer I want to dance with ( but cannot because I just
>>turned someone down), that indeed I have just turned somone down
>>and that I hoped he would ask me the next tanda. I kind of whispered
>>it to him and he completely understood and did ask me again that night."
>>
>>Men are not stupid. A simple expalnation is all that is required. We know
>>[or should know] when a lady is turning us down because she just doesn't
>>want to dance with us. So, why ask again?
>>
>>One girl told me she 'just leaving'. 20 minutes later she was still there,
>>happily dancing with other guys. What am I supposed to think?
>>
>>Jack
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
Date: Fri, 5 Jun 2009 12:50:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: Dubravko Kakarigi <dubravko_2005@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Refusing a dance... <was Re: Is it Balls, or
just a Heel?>
In the absence of cabeceo, I find the situation even more complicated when a lady comes to ask me to dance and I do not want to dance with her or just do not wish to dance at the moment (tired, want to watch, not inspired by the music, whatever).
I am also always utterly puzzled when some ask folks to dance the next tanda before they ever heard the first bar of the music, many times at the very end of the previous tanda/beginning of the cortina. It's totally amazing. I would not do it even with my most favorite dancing partner. How in the world do you know you'd want to dance at all? To me, if I do not like the music being played it is not likely that I would "give" my partner a good dance. So, what's up with that?
...dubravko
===================================
seek, appreciate, and create beauty
this life is not a rehearsal
===================================
Date: Fri, 5 Jun 2009 18:46:13 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jack Dylan <jackdylan007@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Refusing a dance... <was Re: Is it Balls, or
just a Heel?>
> From: Dubravko Kakarigi <dubravko_2005@yahoo.com>
>
> In the absence of cabeceo, I find the situation even more complicated when a
> lady comes to ask me to dance and I do not want to dance with her or just do not
> wish to dance at the moment (tired, want to watch, not inspired by the music,
> whatever).
>
Hi Dubravko,
You don't say what your response to the lady would be. In my case, I'd have
to be in real pain before I would turn down a lady's request to dance.
Jack
Date: Sat, 6 Jun 2009 16:36:32 EDT
From: DocDAS@aol.com
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Refusing a dance... <was Re: Is it Balls, or
just a Heel?>
Jack & Dubravko:
Relax. Your entitled to politely refuse a dance from anyone, male or
female. Jack I feel your pain but don't quite understand it. Do you think
women are in pain or pained when they refuse you? Or are you just one of
those lucky guys whose never been turned down on a request for a dance, or for
that matter a date? God Bless.
One should always try to avail oneself to request for a dance but,
"Sorry. No Thanks" is OK. I've been dancing for a number of years and have
never been to new milonga in a new city where I am a 'stranger in a strange
place', where a woman has asked me to dance. And that's OK as well.
In the end, and dare I raise the question, "Should a woman ever ask a
man to dance" at a milonga that is? If they're friends, dance partners
etc. that's a different story. I don't think it generally fits in with the
style, origins and etiquette of tango. My personal opinion.....well let's hear
it from you all first.
Dan
In a message dated 6/5/2009 9:47:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
jackdylan007@yahoo.com writes:
> From: Dubravko Kakarigi <dubravko_2005@yahoo.com>
>
> In the absence of cabeceo, I find the situation even more complicated
when a
> lady comes to ask me to dance and I do not want to dance with her or
just do not
> wish to dance at the moment (tired, want to watch, not inspired by the
music,
> whatever).
>
Hi Dubravko,
You don't say what your response to the lady would be. In my case, I'd
have
to be in real pain before I would turn down a lady's request to dance.
Jack
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Date: Sun, 7 Jun 2009 11:20:06 +1000
From: Gary <garybarn@ozemail.com.au>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Refusing a dance... <was Re: Is it Balls, or
just a Heel?>
Well, it seems there are guys that run a black list of women who said
"no".
Oh well, that gives me much more opportunity to dance with them!
There's plenty of reasons I might not want to dance with someone --
perhaps as many as for the women saying "no" (or not saying "yes',
with cabaceo). The music, the floor, my mood, phase of the moon, how
she dances; how her dancing is affected by the music, the floor, my
mood, the phase of the moon...
But the fact that she said "no" once would have to be the strangest
reason I've heard.
Please, ladies, don't say yes to me if you mean no!
Date: Sat, 6 Jun 2009 19:36:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jack Dylan <jackdylan007@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Refusing a dance... <was Re: Is it Balls, or
just a Heel?>
> From: "DocDAS@aol.com" <DocDAS@aol.com>
>
> Jack & Dubravko:
> ? ? Relax. Your entitled to politely refuse a?dance from anyone, male or
> female. <
In my case, I guess it's just old-fashioned chivalry. It's not normal for
a lady to ask a man to dance so, when she does so, I think she must
really want to dance but no one has asked her. I think it would be
churlish of me to refuse.
It might be different if ladies were queuing?up to?invite me, just because
I'm a big-nametango-star. But I don't think that's ever gonna happen,
haha.
?
We all know that our time at the milongas is brief and we want?to enjoy
every minute to the max. But suppose a lady asks you to help her cross
a busy street when you're running late for a business meeting [or a milonga].
What are you gonna do? Politely refuse?
?
Jack
Date: Mon, 8 Jun 2009 14:38:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: Dubravko Kakarigi <dubravko_2005@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Refusing a dance... <was Re: Is it Balls, or
just a Heel?>
