3030  Jealosy and falling in love on the dance floor.

Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2004 13:32:23 -0600
From: Leonard Kunkel <image10@SWBELL.NET>
Subject: Jealosy and falling in love on the dance floor.

I may be one of the very few tango instructors that does not insist that
couples, especially married couples, rotate partners during instruction.
I leave the choice up to them. I might add that I also instruct that by
changing partners it will help eliminate the possibility of developing
bad habits that can develop by sticking to one partner. But a couple may
not care if they are only going to dance with each other. Who cares if
they have their own unique tango language.

There are as many reasons for coming to tango as there are people who
dance tango. I once convinced a married couple and very good friends of
mine that if they came to classes and learned tango it would increase
the intimacy in their marriage. They turned out to be excellent dancers
and learned fast and they were really enjoying the dance with each other.

Then they came to their first milonga. After being observed as excellent
beginning dancers she was quickly being asked to dance. And then one
lady teacher that fancied herself a good leader became a nuisance by
pursuing this lady friend. She reluctantly agreed to dance several times
before finally declining.

They ended up leaving early, never to come back to my class or a milonga
again. They were there for intimacy with each other not with others.
Tango has room for all. We just need to respect the individuals choices
and not condemn them if they are there for different reasons.

I have also observed a number of married couples who divorce to marry
others in the community. Tango can be passionate. I myself am reluctant
to dance close embrace with married women. And if I do ask for a dance I
feel that by at least giving space I am respecting the relationship of
that marriage. Fortunately for me, a majority of the tango community are
singles.

More than just making a connection, I many times can experience a
euphoria when dancing with a particular lady. It can be an overpowering
feeling. I always leave it on the dance floor but there are those
memories that stay with me.

One of my very early instructors were a married couple who rarely danced
with others. I respected them for their choice for they also know the
power of the connection. I consider him a friend by the way is also a
well known contributor to this site. I might add that they are one of
the most technically perfect dancing couples I have ever watched.

As well as respecting anothers space on the dance floor, we should also
remember to respect a persons personal boundaries. There is nothing
wrong with a couple being exclusive if they both are in agreement.

Every tango is going to effect every dancer as uniquely as there are
different partners. This is the very reason I am in tango. I am eclectic
and a connoisseur of the different tango experiences. All styles and all
partners. (This is why I get put out with writers on this site that are
insisting that their style is the only style, duuuaa maybe for them but
not for me.)

Over the last 10 years in all the milongas that I have attended I can
count on one hand the number of tangos I have missed. I savor every
dance and every partner.

Blessings,
Leonardo K.