121  Tangueros/Mars, Tangueras/Venus

Date: Fri, 27 Jul 2001 00:25:42 -0700
From: Mark Sussex <doktordogg@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Tangueros/Mars, Tangueras/Venus

--- Michael Ditkoff <tangomaniac@JUNO.COM> wrote:

> Women want connection, men want figures (whether
> they can lead or not.)
> The competitive hormone takes over reason.

I mean this in the most respectful and polite tone...

BALONEY!!
;-)

My favorite dances are, in fact, the ones with the
fewest steps. Naturally, I want to keep challenging
myself with difficult steps. Fortunately, I have some
adventurous, sweet-spirited partners who indulge me,
but when I have a great connection and I really like
the music, I "turn up the heat" by getting RID of all
those steps that will disturb the great connection.
If I can have a great dance in close embrace with
nothing but basics, box steps, and forward ochos...

Yayyyy

Connection can fix a lot of problems... and uh... did
anybody mention it also feels kinda nice?

As discouraged as I can get sometimes, tonight I had
two partners who can best be described as generous. I
mean they were generous with the connection they
offered to me. They projected themselves so deeply
right into my center, it seemed like I could do
anything (but I kept it simple). The generosity of
what they projected into me made me dance better than
I ordinarily can. One danced with me for probably 45
minutes and the other for surely over an hour!

Two words: Yow Za

What was it about? Connection.

Mark

Date: Fri, 27 Jul 2001 07:40:10 -0700
From: Michael Ditkoff <tangomaniac@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Re: Tangueros/Mars, Tangueras/Venus

On Fri, 27 Jul 2001 00:25:42 -0700 Mark Sussex responded to my message "

"Women want connection, men want figures (whether > > they can lead or
not.)> > The competitive hormone takes over reason."

by writing>

> BALONEY!!

All I can say Mark, is that you've must have missed a lot of messages
from women who have complained about being mistreated on the dance floor.
They've been overwhelmed with brute force and coerced, not lead, into
figures they can't execute.

My statement is a generalization that applies to most men and women.
Through an unscientific sample, I surveyed 20 women in Washington, DC and
Denver and asked "What do you want in a partner?" The same answers came
back:

Firm, but gentle lead
Move on the beat
Whatever you lead, lead it right.

I even wrote an article about my research in the "La Voz del Tango"
magazine of Los Angeles. I guess you're not a subsriber and didn't read
it.

I stand by my statements.

Michael Ditkoff
Looking forward to tonight's milonga in Washington, D.C.

Date: Fri, 27 Jul 2001 23:28:45 +0900
From: astrid <astrid@RUBY.PLALA.OR.JP>
Subject: Re: Tangueros/Mars, Tangueras/Venus

Michael wrote:

Mark Sussex responded to my message "

>
> "Women want connection, men want figures (whether > > they can lead or
> not.)> > The competitive hormone takes over reason."
>
> > BALONEY!!
>
> All I can say Mark, is that you've must have missed a lot of messages
> from women who have complained about being mistreated on the dance floor.
> They've been overwhelmed with brute force and coerced, not lead, into
> figures they can't execute.

Baloney alright, Michael. The problem is not being overwhelmed by brute
force into figures one can't dance, the problem is being overwhelmed by
brute force into figures the man can't dance ! Having danced them with a
woman before who had memorised the steps and did them autmatically does not
count. Never lead anything that you are not good at leading, you guys,
unless there is mutual agreement to practise this together.

>

, I surveyed 20 women and asked "What do you want in a partner?" The same
answers came

> back:
>
> Firm, but gentle lead
> Move on the beat
> Whatever you lead, lead it right.
>

an article about my research .... I guess you're ...didn't read

> it.
>

Just what I'm saying, Michael. Whatever you lead, lead it right, firmly and
gently. If you cannot do that, forget it, you are not ripe to lead that step
yet at a milonga. Nothing to do with hormones and competiveness, or the
women's "different" longing for connection. Simply a lack of technical
skill. There is one condition to dancing tango in an enjoyable way: the man
must be able to lead. He should be able to connect with a woman in a way so
that she can follow his lead. The women want connection, because that
enables them to follow. They don't want to dance on their own, they are not
supposed to. Their desire for connection does not come from some mushy
feminine romanticism, and need to relate. And the men's hormones, well, they
are there, but not only competitiveness hormones, they are good for other
things too...I have been contradicted, but I still stand by my view that
with the right lead, a man can lead a woman into steps she does not know and
has never done before.
When I had private lessons with Nito, he taught me a huge amount of material
within one hour. He would simply continuously dance with me, and do some new
steps. When I did not know what he was trying to teach me, he would show me
nothing, he would simply say, let's do it again, and pay more attention to
my lead, and there, I understood the step.