1428  uncomfortable lead was: talking...

Date: Tue, 17 Jun 2003 14:54:01 -0700
From: Razor Girl <dilettante666@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Re: uncomfortable lead was: talking...

--- A Coleman <gurps_npc@HOTMAIL.COM> wrote:

> P.S. I have never seen a man dance with a woman in
> such a way as to force
> her to do something uncomfortable.

Then I guess you probably have not much experience
following because this happens all the time.

Just because a leader understands the step he is
trying to lead does not mean he understands the body
mechanics behind it or how a followers body moves.
Men I have danced with will often rush through ochos
not allowing me time to step, step outside the frame
without turning their torso to accomodate the
direction of the lead, attempt to lead a boleo with
bad timing and a back cracking effect, hunch over,
push on my arm etc etc....I can think of many examples
of uncomfortable leads a lot of which are not easily
remedied by simply assuming I misread the lead and
stepping in a different place.

I am a big fan of open communication. If a guy is
doing something that causes me to be uncomfortable I
don't assume he is doing it on purpose, he probably
just doesn't realize it.

Usually what I will do is adjust myself so that I am
more comfortable. If my arm hurts I will lower it, or
even let go of his hand and just rest my arm on his
chest. If he is rushing through a step I might
provide more resistance to allow myself the time I
need etc.

But in instances where I can not change something
myself and need him to adjust, asking him to change
something to benefit our comfort is not insulting the
style of his dance, it is simply providing feedback
that will help make it more enjoyable for both of us.

I feel it is important to bring this up. I'm speaking
from a follower's perspective but I would expect the
same from a leader if I were doing something that made
him uncomfortable.

Every person is different and moves in a different
way, what works with one partner might not work with
another partner and that's part of the trick to social
dancing, you have to be accomodating.

Take care of each other.

Regards,
Rose
Portland, OR