2572  Varying Group Norms

Date: Fri, 23 Jul 2004 14:59:32 -0700
From: Phil Seyer <weddingdj@GMAIL.COM>
Subject: Varying Group Norms

When it comes to social norms at a milonga, I think that it is up to
the organizer of the milonga. Afterall the organizer is investing a
lot of time, effort, and money into making the milonga happen. She or
he may decide to set whatever guidelines or she he wants. If we don't
like those guidelines we have several options, but we always need to
respect the guidelines currently in force. It is interesting to me
that various dance parties have different group norms.

(NOTE The following comments are not intended to refer to any specific
milonga. These are not criticisms, just observations. To each... his
or her own.)

At some places the attitude is "If you don't want to dance with
someone, just say 'No thank you' with or without a smile.

At other places, the owners let you know that if someone asks you to
dance, the answer is <nod your head up and down and walk out onto the
dance floor.> -- Saying 'no' is not acceptable unless you have a very
good reason.

At some milongas, intermediate dancers seem to snub their noses at beginners.

At some places, beginners are welcomed on to the floor by the organizer.

Some places have special nights for beginners and other nights for
advanced dancers.

At some milongas, beginners are told, "Don't be practicing your steps;
make room for the DANCERS who will soon be coming to this party.
(Beginners are not considered dancers there.)

At some dance parties a separate room or dance floor is provided for
practicing and people are encouraged to use it to practice their
steps.

At some parties, people are encouraged to dance in the center if they
want to do steps that do not progress around the room.

At other parties, people are sternly told to stay out of the center.

At some dance parties, a sign is displayed that says, "$10 to join the
party, $15 to watch."

At some dance parties, a sign welcomes people with the message, "Come
and watch us dance tango!"

Some places publish little etiquette guides to help set group norms.

Some places discriminate on the basis of gender. "OK, all the ladies
line up on this side of the room; all the gentlemen over here."

Others strive to use a more non-sexist approach. "OK all those who
want to be followers line up over here. All the leaders go to this
side of the room." Teachers are explicitly instructed to use the terms
"leaders" and "followers" not "ladies" or "gentlemen." (As an aside,
some teachers say, "OK, all the gentlemen on this side, and all the
men on this side." Then he watches to see who goes where.")

So there are all kinds of dance parties. That's great because we can
pick and choose the kind that we prefer. Maybe that's why some people
travel so far just to attend a dance. One option -- if we don't like a
group norm at a particular dance, is to communicate the reasons -- *in
a friendly manner* -- to the organizer. There's always a chance he or
she will listen and make some changes. Another option is that we can
start our own dance party. But that's easier said than done.
====================
Phil Seyer
Live Tango Chat Online
www.argentine-tango.com